Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Handicap Chart

Final chart of the season showing where the team handicaps stand today vs. the start of the season.  Everyone has pretty much leveled off, with the Asians' index actually increasing after the playoffs.

Any teams returning next year should be pretty accurate.  If/when we expand... we'll just have to do a "best guess" compared to the teams we already know.

Monday, August 15, 2011

To the Victors, Go the Cheese

The inaugural season of DPT Golf is complete, and we went out in a drunken stupor. World Woods was in great shape, the villas were awesome, and we didn't get any rain.We also traded a ton of cash with each other in side-bets, skins and cards.

Round 1 - Pine Barrens

The Asians took on the Whites (Robb/Ryan) in a match that didn't mean anything except side-bet potential. It turned out to be one of the best performances of the season for Robb/Ryan. Without any pressure of victory, they shot a 4-over 75 despite two double-bogeys. An eagle on the par-5 fourteenth helped the crackers beat down their handicap to dangerous levels. Meanwhile, the Asians stunk up the course. Final score: Rob/Ryan win 75-81 (gross).

#3 Reid/Geoff took on #2 Frank/Steve with a 5-stroke handicap. Ebony and Ivory started out strong, getting par on their first 6 holes, before the inevitable collapse happened. Going 6-over on the next 7 holes eventually created a tie game as the teams hit #18. Playoff holes seemed on the horizon, despite the brutal 5 hour pace that my group had to play behind. As we stood watching (and waiting) in the fairway on 18, we could see Geoff/Reid putting from off the green for birdie to win the match. Geoff missed wide (leaving a testy par putt). Reid stepped up and made a solid stroke... and the ball disappeared into the flag stick. Game over... everyone was stunned. Final score: Reid/Geoff win 73-74 (net).

The final match-up was #1 Bito/Gomez vs. #4 Justin/Chandler (getting two strokes). That lead was erased by hole four, and it was looking to be a grinding afternoon with the teams still tied after hole six. But then Bito/GoMex went on the bogey train, getting three to close out the front side. This prompted Gomez to say to his partner: "They're just going to par us to death." That was, in fact, Justin/Chandler's strategy... and they were able to put away the game with a birdie on the par 3 sixteenth. Final score: Justin/Chandler win 73-78 (net).

Round 2 - Rolling Oaks

The Asians and the Whites decided to play some game called "Wolf" for side-bets. So I'm not sure how that turned out, and their round can't be used for handicapping next season. But it sounded like they had fun.

In the "Third Place Game," Bito/Gomez took on Frank/Steve giving two strokes. There weren't any prizes on the line, but we had a decent amount of cash in skins and side-bets riding on the results. Frank/Steve shot a respectable 78 with a couple of birdies, but Gomez decided to drop the hammer. They carded two birdies and an eagle for a one-over 73... which also drops their handicap for future rounds. Final score: Bito/Gomez win 73-76 (net).

Finally, Justin/Chandler squared off against their nemesis Reid/Geoff for the championship. Ebony and Ivory were 2-0 against Ginger Brown, and had won a few other exhibition matches prior to the playoffs.  Their 5-stroke advantage seemed insurmountable after Justin got obliterated the night before (chugging Jager) and basically slept for about four hours. True to form, JC started with two bogeys and Chandler (Negative Nancy) pretty much gave up hope. Whenever the match seemed to get close, Justin/Chandler would shoot themselves in the foot off the tee  The final dagger came on #14, when a double-bogey from a bunker derailed all realistic hopes of winning. Final score: Reid/Geoff win 74-76 (net).

The winners each got a giant fucking wheel of cheese, courtesy of Irish John and Irish Dave at Kerrygold. I have no idea how they're going to eat all that cheese, but I'm sure they'll give it the ol' "college try."

Geoff & Reid. Earning some chedda'.

We drunkenly agreed to start next season AFTER football... so end of January or beginning of February 2012. We're also thinking of expanding to 8 teams... but more on that later. And we're definitely going to tweak some of the rules.

Over the next few weeks I'll do some analysis on handicaps, new rules, golf courses and off-season outings. Stay tuned.

Looking forward to cracking open our victory cheese wheels!

Friday, August 12, 2011

This Weekend

We all know people are hype for World Woods.  But... who's dope?

Thursday, August 11, 2011


This is so stupid.  But I was looking at Groupon today, and there's a deal for Magnolia Valley Golf Club.  But look at the picture they used for it:

This is the greatest moment of my life!
What the fuck is that?  First off... Magnolia Valley is flat and built in a marsh.  Second... those idiots are on a fairway, not a green.  And that expression is a little over-the-top for having just made a medium length putt on the fairway into a random hole.  I'm sure you'd get a free drop from the hole, but still.  This has to be the dumbest golf photo I've ever seen.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

How Not to Bogey a Hole

Justin and I won the J. Evans Invitational by 7 strokes.  However, our victory could really be attributed to #5 on the Watson course.  This par 4 is the number one handicap hole, and plays 406 yards from the whites (which we were teeing from at the time).  It was our one blow-up hole... and if we hadn't gotten extremely lucky our opponents probably would have played with more vigor.  Yes... vigor.

The illustration didn't really turn out how I wanted... but fuck it.

Justin = dark red
Chandler = orange
Un-used shots = dotted lines

Tee shot - Justin sprayed his to the right and hit a giant two-story house.  I faded mine into the fairway bunker.  Knowing that we couldn't reach the green in two from there, Justin decides to use his mulligan.  He sprays it into the same house.

2nd shot - We were only trying to lay up, but I pick the ball clean and blast it into the trees on the left.  Justin (knowing we only need to advance the ball 100 yards or so) manages to do the exact same thing.  I assume both balls are lost and decide to use my mulligan, which I top 10 feet into the same bunker.  At this point we decide it's better to take the penalty stroke from the lost balls instead of trying to hit from the bunker again.

3rd shot - Justin's ball is lost, but we actually find mine up against the trees and under a palm.  Using the "one club-length rule" that was in effect, we were able to move the ball backwards enough to hit it... although we were standing in the bushes and couldn't take a full swing.  Justin attempts to punch the ball out but instead hits it fat and "tickles it" 15 feet or so.  I decide to change from a wedge to a 6-iron and run the ball up to the green.  Instead, I hit the shit out of it and it screams toward the waste bunker.  Miraculously... the ball hits our opponents cart (represented by the double-decker bus) and stops just off the green in the rough.  If they were not parked there, we might have taken an 8 on this hole.

4th shot - My chip is on the green but far away and left a downhill putt.  Justin hits his too hard but we decide to use it due to the uphill read.

5th shot - Justin misses the 10-footer by a few inches, and I manage to roll mine in to save bogey.

It's always better to be lucky than good.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Playoff Week

It's playoff week... and I'm already tired of being at work.  Who's ready for a drunk weekend of golf?

Wait... that sounds like the weekend I just had.

I'm pretty sure everyone who went to Reunion had an awesome time, although it seemed a bit of a grid for me and Justin. We definitely did not expect to be one off the lead after the first day, or in the lead after day two.  And although it felt like we were choking on the last day, we managed to pull enough shots out of our ass to win by 7 strokes with a two over 218 (72-72-74).

So this weekend we head up to World Woods for one night.  Tee time on Saturday is 12pm, and Sunday is 10:30am.  I think I'm going to get up there early (10am) to get the villa keys, and go drop my stuff off.  The golf rate of $47 includes range balls AND lunch, so be sure to give yourself time to hit the range.  They'll bring your lunch out to the course if you want to eat after we tee off.

We have $120 in our budget to spend on ourselves.  We were going to buy some blazers (jackets) as sort of a traveling trophy... and force the winners to wear them to a league dinner... but that's fallen through because blazers are apparently expensive.  So since we're out of time, I can buy a keg and booze for us instead.  Or we could have a small cash payout to the winners... but it really wouldn't be that large.  Comment what you guys think we should do with the money.

As for food... bring a cooler filled with whatever you need for Saturday night.  Both villas have a propane grill, so we should have no problem cooking.  Also bring money for gambling, decks of cards, cigars, recreational items, etc.  Someone please bring a boombox that we can hook an iPod up to.  There IS a Publix and Walgreens very close by if we need it, but I doubt they're open late.

Here's a view of the villas from space:

It looks pretty secluded, so I doubt noise is a problem.  That's all for now.  Let me know any thoughts or requests.


Bring some cash for Saturday night poker, anyone have a bunch of chips?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Reunion Hole of the Day (part 2)

Today's hole is #15 on the Legacy (Palmer) Course.  We get to play this gem tomorrow... probably during an afternoon rainstorm.  It's a manageable par-5 that Duc and I reached in two during my first trip to Reunion.  But it all depends on where you tee off from.

Mmm... marshy.

"The tee shot on this mid length par 5 is very demanding but rewards a courageous shot over the water. Aiming farther right is the riskiest but more rewarding line off the tee, leaving the possibility of hitting this par 5 in two."

The Palmer and Watson courses have four sets of tees for us to bounce around on, so this hole will play 527, 487, 475 or 371.  But if you're hitting from the white tees your score is probably horrible enough to knock you out of the tournament on the first day.  As with yesterdays HotD, #15 follows an easy birdie-hole.  So there's a good chance you'll be on the black or gold boxes.

So let me tell you about that tee shot.  From the tips its about a 250 yard carry to the rough.  From the golds it's like 240.  There is no room for error for any right-handed golfer who slices or fades the ball.  And if you do make it to the fairway, you're hitting to a green that is about 40 feet above your head.

The hole really isn't that difficult... but if my team is hitting from the tips... I'll just sit in the cart and let Justin take care of it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Reunion Hole of the Day

Although work is kicking my ass today, it's kinda hard to concentrate when I'm looking forward to "Gorecki Whiskey Fest 2011" this weekend.  So let's start a new (and very short-lived) series called "Reunion Hole of the Day."

Today's hole is the anus.  Wait... wrong column... but very fitting (oh, the puns).

Today's actual hole is #16 on the Tradition (Nicklaus) Course.  Here is their "official" description:

"Check your yardage carefully! You can’t afford to miss it short. The signature sixteenth hole features a daunting carry over water to a shallow firm green protected in front and back by deep bunkers. Holding this putting surface will be a challenge. Leaving the green with a par or better will inspire you to finish strong."
Your dick is probably wider than the green.

How about an honest description...

After a long day of getting your ass kicked, you now find yourself facing this bullshit par-3.  And the Jamie Evan's Invitational rules don't help matters, since the previous hole is an easy par-5 so you're more than likely going to be teeing off from the blue or gold tees on #16.

The gold plays 210 yards, blue 177 and white 158.  But the hole is up-hill to a very narrow green.  Anything short is either in the water or a larger bunker.  Hitting it long will land you in some jacked-up bunker(s) that look like a sandhill crane took a shit on Jack's initial design, and he just decided to leave it because he's rich and has probably only been to Reunion once in his life.

The first time I played this hole I was hitting from the gold tees into a 15mph wind.  I think I used driver.

Jack Nicklaus is an asshole.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Reunion Weekend

It's Reunion Weekend for 7 of the DPT golfers (plus Gorecki). It's going to be a crazy three days of golf, and will probably be quite windy and wet due to a tropical storm.

Regardless... I'm excited.  That is all.