Monday, September 24, 2012

The Weekend that WAS for me and COULD HAVE BEEN for Chandler...

So I know I may be drinking the Kool-Aid and bragging what a great town Atlanta is since I've come up here. But I do miss the guys golf weekends, bowling mondays and kickball Thursdays in Tpa. And of course the verbal abuse I receive from most of you. So as I left I extended the invite for whomever wants to come visit is more than welcome to.

Well the stars seemed to aline this past weekend as there were 2 great events going on here. So I enjoyed a 3 day weekend (I'm the Boss) and enjoyed the following:

Friday: Fed-Ex Tour Championship at East Lake Country Club
If you were living under a rock (or gave up watching golf cause football is here) this event is the Final Stop for the Fed Ex Cup Playoffs. Only the top 30 in the standings are invited and the winner of the Fed Ex Cup gets awarded 10 million plus another 1.x mil for winning this tournament. The top 5 golfers had a chance to win the cup so unlike the Pods err now Transitions Tournament at Copperhead I got to see all the top golfers feel the pressure of a tournament that had a feel of a major. I found discounted tickets online and also gained "championship club access" where they had a hospitality tent on the 17th fairway (the one Snedeker hit into the stands on Sunday but free relief and ended up chipping in for birdie). I also sneaked a pic of Phil teeing off on #3 and got scolded at for doing so. oops.
Friday Evening I hit up the Sweetwater Brewery where they have THE BEST happy hour special around. For $10 you get a pint glass (that you keep) and 6 tickets for "samples" Well the sample sizes they fill ur glass 3/4 or more full (so 12+oz) of good tasting high octane craft beer (5.5% and up). The place fills up with eye candy and if you are really into the beer, they conduct tours every 15 min where you get an extra pour for participating. (Picture below is to reference to souvenir glass and size pour)
Saturday I awoke to some awful background noise when tuning into college game day. Florida State you REALLY have to tell the band to learn more than one tune. And headed to a house party to watch the Gators vs the Kittens. After a comfortable size lead at halftime we all walked to Piedmont Park to enjoy Music Midtown. Friday's lineup which I did not attend included Joan Jett, T.I. and Foo Fighters. Saturday had a bigger lineup and included Garbage, Adam Ant, Ludacris, Neon Trees, Florence and the Machine, and Pearl Jam. Ludacris mentioned 30 times that hes from Atlanta and pretty much played every hit song he makes a guest appearance in. I think you had to be high to listen to Florence but Pearl Jam by far did not disappoint. He played 6 songs from the Ten Album and then a ton of other hits. Here's their set list:
  1. Why Go
  2. Save You
  3. Animal
  4. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town
  5. Corduroy
  6. Got Some
  7. Amongst The Waves
  8. Wishlist
  9. Better Man
  10. Do The Evolution
  11. Even Flow
  12. Know Your Rights
    (The Clash cover)
  13. Nothingman
  14. Supersonic
  15. Jeremy
  16. Porch
  17. Encore 1:
  1. Crazy Mary
    (Victoria Williams cover)
  2. Given To Fly
  3. The Fixer
  4. Rearviewmirror
    Encore 2:
  1. Unthought Known
  2. Black
  3. Alive
  4. Rockin' in the Free World
    (Neil Young cover)
and here's a picture of the crowd gathering when Florence was on:
So after stumbling my way home I spent Sunday recovering and watching the final round of the Fed Ex Tournament on TV. Probably couldve found my way onto a golf course but I figured to save the tennis elbow deterioration of my right arm for another day.
So the weekend was eventful and one Mr. Brown was claiming to come up and participate in. His loss and I'll open the invite up once again to come visit anytime, before you heart fills with regret. I may even have you come play a golf course with real terrain as it seems they're aren't any under a 130 slope.

Monday, August 20, 2012

DPT Masters - Season Results

Seven us of headed down to Sebring this past weekend for the prestigious DPT Masters. I assumed the trip was going to be a disaster... but the price was right so we couldn't pass it up. Turns out Justin booked us an awesome trip that we'll definitely do again.

DPT Masters

Round one was one of the best "days" of golf I've ever seen. As in: the weather, course and atmosphere was excellent. Chandler shot a lights-out 80 (with one double-bogey) and still managed to finished 3rd. Justin "Hollywood" Miller finally put together a round worth a damn, shooting 86 with two birdies and a 2nd place finish. But it was Mr Sandbags... "handicap system favors better players"... Gorecki who shot a 94 and took a first-day lead (and our money). The 31 strokes he received netted a criminal score of 63. He should be ashamed.

Round two was also played on a very nice course, albeit a more difficult one in my opinion. All of us were tied, and the scores showed it. Gorecki took only 30 strokes this time to secure a 2nd place finish for the tournament. But it was Hollywood who again played his best golf in months, shooting 85 en-route to a 4-stroke total victory.

Congrats Justin. The first ever Ginger to win a DPT Major tournament.

Summer 2012 Season

Long before we headed to Sebring, Chandler had the season just about locked up. Geoff needed to win the Masters to have a chance... and all hopes of that disappeared on hole 4 of the first day. We'll get pictures of the new trophy up as soon as it's finished.

Next season will probably start at the end of September. We'll review the point system, but I think it worked out just fine. There will also be a couple of rule clarifications and enforcements for next season.

Geoff is ordering trophies for the following side-bet winners:
- Long Drive: Chandler won a long drive each day to finish the season with 4.
- Greenies: Chris didn't even attend the Masters OR the par-3 tourney and still wins the total greenies with 10. Amazing accuracy!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Hangover Invitational Recap

I considered writing a long recap of the events as they unfolded Friday night at The Retreat for the E-Flo Hangover Invitational.  As the (somewhat) sober, self-appointed bar stenographer I was tasked with recording the number of drinks each participant had (Gorecki was surprisingly honest - I think) as well as the random debauchery for posterity purposes. But as my (and everyone else's) alcohol intake increased it became harder and harder to keep track of the night's events. Thank God I didn't have a Mind Eraser shot, courtesy of Papa Jensen, or else the following documentation might never have existed.

The Mind Erasers


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

E-Flo Hangover Bar

E-Flo has chosen The Retreat as his bar this Friday. The following people must attend during the hours of 9pm to 1am:


Luckily for us, The Retreat has "$6 Jack Daniels liters and $3 domestic drafts" on Friday. See you fools then.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Deja Vu- Another request to tee it forward and here's why...

So how much fun did we all have this past weekend? I think we all would agree thats a tough course and at times we make it even tougher when we tee it off poorly and find ourselves at a disadvantage cause our 2nd shots are now gonna be a longer more difficult shot to hit, almost guaranteeing ourselves a bogey or worse.

So when Chandler proposed we play summerfield at 6,400 yds and a slope of 125, I asked if this was a "DPT Major" cause that seems like a difficult slope and why would we set ourselves up for another potential day of displeasure.

When I learned there is an option to play the forward tees at 5,800 and a slope of 119. Chandler proposed I write a blog post persuading why I think we should play from these tees.. So here we go....

I originally assumed tee box selection should be based on your handicap. But when I researched this the USGA had a direct answer to my question:

Shouldn't golfers select tees based on their handicap?Not in this approach. The idea is to help golfers play from tees that allow them to hit more lofted clubs for their approach shots.

So I asked Chandler what he believes our league participants average drive distance is. He answered 200-225 yds.

Here's what the USGA recommends:
PGA of America/USGA RecommendationsIn 2011, the PGA of America and USGA issued a set of recommendations designed to encourage golfers to play from appropriate yardages. These guidelines are based on golfers' average driving distance. So find your driving distance, then see what yardage these two organizations recommend.
Avg. drive - Recommended Tees
300 yards - 7,150-7,400 yards
275 yards - 6,700-6,900 yards
250 yards - 6,200-6,400 yards
225 yards - 5,800-6,000 yards
200 yards - 5,200-5,400 yards

175 yards - 4,400-4,600 yards
150 yards - 3,500-3,700 yards
125 yards - 2,800-3,000 yards
100 yards - 2,100-2,300 yards

Now I spoke with Geoff tonight at bowling and he associates shorter tee boxes with limiting the use of his driver in fear of driving through the fairway. But Chandler informed him that Summerfield has very few doglegs and mostly straight ahead tees to greens. So I just finished reviewing their course layout and sure enough, I only count approx 4-5 dog leg holes. (I'm sure Chandler will do a much more thorough investigation into this to confirm) So for you "long drivers" this can only serve as an advantage if we tee it forward as your second second should be a a high lofted iron approach.

So let me know your opinions. You obviously know my vote. I also was going to propose using different tee boxes, but Chandler shot that down due to our greenies and long drive competitions. I also to complain to the USGA on their choice of wording listed below:

Should golfers of all different abilities in one group each play from different tee markers?They can, but you should recommend that the group play from the same tee markers. This is more sociable, plus is proven to be faster. Recommend the group select tee markers that are most appropriate for a majority of the players, while ensuring that the weakest player could still enjoy the experience.

Just cause I prefer to tee it forward doesn't conclude I'm a "weak" player. The DPT Standings will back me up on that!

Early Bird & Other Things

Getting up early sucks. Sure, you have the rest of the day to do things... but that's wasted when you're so tired you just go home and nap.

Regardless, a full 8 person field showed up to take on Bloomingdale... and we all lost.

That course is hard. It shouldn't be, but it is. We had some of the worst scores as a group I've ever seen. Everyone played horribly, except for Gorecki who played "normal."

He should get a little more credit, as he constantly laid up on difficult holes in order to reduce the triple and quad bogeys. This strategy worked and he easily won by 4 strokes, shooting to the top of the money list.


We have 4 people signed up for the E-Flo Hangover. Summer field had tee times at 10:30am and 11am, so I booked both of those. If nobody else signs up (Justin, Ried, Robb etc) by Wednesday I'm going to cancel the 11am tee time.


Justin knows of some stay-and-play place in Sebring for the DPT Masters. An update on that will go out as soon as he locks it down.


Let me know if you're partaking in the PGA Championship best-ball event. Right now it's just me and Geoff.

Friday, August 3, 2012

PGA Championship Challenge

The LAST golf Major of the year is next weekend. So... one more best-ball pool to go.

Same shit as last time. Get me $10 before next Thursday. And set your teams by Wednesday night!

Sign up here:

Group: DPT Golf
Password: donkeynoms

Entry fee is $10 and you must pay before August 9th. If you're interested, bring money to kickball, Yard of Ale etc etc.  You can "gift" me $10 through PayPal under my email address, but make sure you select the gift option so it doesn't take any fees out.

Anyone who hasn't paid by the time the rosters lock will get the boot.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

E-Flo Hangover Invitational

It's registration time!

E-Flo's Hangover Invitational is the funniest of all our theme tournaments. Because he lives a rough life... and we need to experience it.

Sadly, he won't be playing due to his cankles... but he'll still be at the bar. Here's the deal:

Sometime this week we will announce what bar we're attending (probably in SoHo) Friday night. In order to compete in the tournament, you have to show up and hang out with us until 1am. We'll then tee off somewhat early the next morning, probably at Summerfield.

Comment if you're in!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Faz Open Review

With no Chandler and the Bito/Dan drop outs, we were left with 4 DPT golfers (Geoff, Justin, Gorecki, Chris) and two amateurs (Jim Miller, Steve P.). Since Gorecki wanted to Ride with Steve and Justin with his dad, I just flipped a coin to see which pair Chris and I would be joining. I rode along with team Miller-Time and it went something like this... Holes 1 and 10 had fairway construction going on so instead of par fours, both were par threes, making the course a par 68. Which of course Gorecki complained that this change would be an advantage to lower handicapped players and i'm sure he bitched the whole day. I started the first 4 holes with 3 double-pars. My irons were errant and my driver was OB most of the front nine. Luckily I managed to squeeze in three pars, but still was losing to Justin by 4 at the turn. My back nine was marginally better, but our group only had one person hit a green on the 6 par threes of the day; sad. Our long drive hole was much the same. Justin hit is in the rough almost OB and I hit mine about 5 feet from that. We decided to make the next two par fours long drive bets between the two of us, so at least I got to win a couple bucks from the Bank of Ginger. I don't know how the other group fared, except, Faz played really well and took a bunch of money from Gorecki and co.

End of Season

Since I can't do a write-up of Fazioli's tournament, I'll post an update on our last three tournaments.

Two B's - I initially booked three tee times, but with Dan backing out I'm going to downsize. There is one spot open for this tournament. I'm still waiting on Justin to make up his mind if he wants to play... but if I don't hear from him today I'll ask my dad. Tee time is 7am, so get there early.

E-Flo Hangover - Eric has a bad ankle or something. Based on Cong's recovery time, I'm assuming Asians take forever to heal... thus he probably won't be playing in his own tournament. No worries though, hopefully he'll still go out drinking with us. To remind everyone, in order to play in this tournament you must attend the chosen bar until 1am. Details on this after I talk to him this week. We'll be trying to play Summerfield since a lot of us have vouchers.

DPT Masters - The final Major and tournament of our season is "invite only." Anyone who has a tour victory is eligible to play, and the remaining spots will be filled by those at the top of the rankings. So far that includes:



Of course, these lists could change depending on who wins the next two tournaments, and who is available to play on the 18th and 19th.

Initially Geoff and I thought the tournament would be a two day event where we could stay and play (ie: World Woods). I'll be emailing the winners to see their availability, and thoughts on staying overnight somewhere.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Virtual Gorecki

With me going on vacation this weekend, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out.

No... the empty feeling doesn't come from me not playing golf for the first weekend this calendar year. Nor does it have anything to do with missing the company of my friends, laughing and partaking in friendly competition.

I'm going to miss Gorecki whining in my ear for 4+ hours about how unfair everything in the league is.

So I've created a Virtual Gorecki. This way I can log onto the blog Saturday morning and still feel like I'm right there in the action!

See you all soon.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Just the Tips & DPT Championship

Just the Tips Challenge

Brutally hot day at Northdale, and slow as always. But hey... we live in Florida and at least we can golf year-round.

Geoff turned into a par-machine, shooting 6 pars en-route to a large 5-stroke victory. Even back-to-back triple bogeys to end the round wasn't enough to choke the tournament away. While Northdale isn't long from the tips (6,800)... it's long enough to make scrambling a must. Especially for us high-handicappers and short-hitters.

Gorecki complained the entire day about playing from the tips. Ironically, he drove the ball very well... shooting a horrific 121 due to numerous chunks with his long irons and woods. If he just accepted that he doesn't need to kill the ball with every swing, he'd win some tournaments. Speaking of...

DPT Championship

Ugh. God pissed all over Tampa late Saturday... soaking our 2nd Major of the season. TPC Tampa was in good shape, but a lot of it was soggy and we had to play cartpath only. Everyone played like crap with the exhausting conditions, except Gorecki who shot one over his handicap to earn his first victory of the season.

Of course... he cheated all day... pairing himself with the Clique-o-Ballics, who couldn't watch him while they were constantly hunting for Dino's wayward drives. After we caught Gorecki hitting a mulligan on the first tee, he responded: "I'm not in your group, so I don't have to play by your rules." Commissioner Geoff pointed out: "You also don't have to win our money."

Allegedly Mike changed his ways and played according to our stringent rules. You know... the rules established (and evolved) by the R&A since 1897. Damn us for trying to play the game correctly while we gamble!

Justin was also a sight to see, as he showed up still drunk from the night before and slurring incoherent ginger phrases. He got his shit together just in time to shoot a 45 on the back nine and finish 2nd.

Congrats to Geoff and Mike for winning over the weekend. With me out of town this week, the leader board could get pretty tight!

Up Next

Still at least one spot open for Fazioli's tournament. And we have two tee times booked for Robb's tourney at 7am. It's gonna be rough. But sign up if you haven't.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Early Bird Classic

While I'm out of town, I'll need to set up tee times for the Early Bird Classic. Robb might even attend his own event.

A bunch of us are playing in a charity golf tournament on Saturday... so this event is scheduled for Sunday, August 5th.

Tee time will be as early as possible. Some of us bought vouchers to play Bloomingdale ($15). I have 4 of them, so if you need one let me know.

Comment if you're playing or there won't be a spot for you!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Fazioli Invitational


Chris has set up two tee times for this Saturday at Babe Zaharias, 9:30am tee time. Cost is $36.45 plus tax, and the 1st and 10th fairways are under construction. But allegedly the greens are good to go.

Check out the roster to see if you're on it. If you're not, and should be, make a comment. If you are, and shouldn't be, also make a comment.

I'll fill in the handicaps soon.

Geoff will handle the money and scorecards this week.

I talked to Chris and he's cool with playing the white tees this weekend. So there shouldn't be a Gorecki tantrum, but Dan's driver might be sad.

Monday, July 16, 2012

DPT "British" Open Challenge

The Open best ball challenge is now active. Let me know if you're in and haven't paid yet! Everyone else who is not on the list on the right column of this blog will be cut.

Sign up here:

Group: DPT Golf
Password: donkeynoms

Entry fee is $10 and you must pay before July 18th. If you're interested, bring money to kickball, Yard of Ale etc etc.  You can "gift" me $10 through PayPal under my email address, but make sure you select the gift option so it doesn't take any fees out.

Anyone who hasn't paid by the time the rosters lock will get the boot.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Jamaican Open Reminder

Don't forget... wear the proper colors on Sunday.

Tee time is 10:30am. We have 8 players, but 6 are competing for DPT Points. That means three of those kids will earn zero! Step it up!

Entry is $5 (for everyone except Dan and Huffman).

Bring your vouchers, or cash if you need to buy one off us ($20). The voucher also gets you BOGO beer.

Long drive hole is #10.

Check the roster for course handicaps. Justin is the favorite (yes I just jinxed him). Gorecki won't be there so we should have a pretty stress free day.

See you all down there.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

DPT Championship

I've you've studied the schedule, you'll see we play the "Tips Challenge" on Saturday (July 21)... and our second Major of the season on Sunday (July 22).

We're doing this because... well... there's a lot of shit going on between now and September and I don't want to drag out the season any longer than 3 months.

Anyway, while the DPT Open was "open," the DPT Championship has rules designed to piss off free-loving hippies. And to promote people signing up for tournaments early in the season. Also to force people who don't have handicaps to get handicaps.

In order to play in the tournament you'll need an official handicap, and at least three tournaments under your belt. If we have extra spots after those eligible respond, we'll take others. Comment away!

Tentatively we're scheduled to play River Strand, but Gorecki has passes to get us on TPC Tampa at a reduced rate. So unless he finally moves up to Minnesota, we'll go there.

Bito is the only one who has officially registered for this tournament, although I'm assuming Gorecki is in since he's getting us on TPC Tampa.

BUT... Chris (who's out of town that weekend) said he can make it back if we play at noon. So the rest of you eligible need to comment if you're playing, and let me know if there's an actual problem with playing at noon. It being hot is not a problem. We live in Florida.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Gorecki Exposes web of lies, calls SHENANIGANS on DPT Golf League..

Calling all participants of the DPT Summer League...

Tired of Chandler writing "Me and Geoff discussed ___ and decided ___ ...."?

Who "oficially" made them league commishioners?

Every week when I play and I have an objection (cough being forced to participate in long drive competition) I get reminded from Chandler that "those all the rules Geoff and I came up with"

So I decided to finally read these "league rules" this morning but wa suprised to find NO link promimently displaying them. I went through the archives and found a May 19th Blog Posting introducing the league and decribing the DPT Point system as well as a Kickoff Open Posting mentioning greenies, and the long drive for that week's tournament.

Well as you can read from an earlier post, I was harassed once again at the conclusion of the tournament by none other than Geoff and Chandler. When we calculated the net scores we found Geoff and I were tied for third so it was first decided to split the 150 DPT points. This did not sit well with Geoff so after being relentlesly harassed about a OB score decision (that was agreed upon when that hole concluded) I succombed to peer pressure and went and replayed the fifth hole 3 hours after last playing it.

The re-play is recorded for everyone's enjoyment to point and laugh at Gorecki. And now my entire round and score was adjusted and I left in 4th place accumulated no DPT League Points.

So after replaying that day's events I decided to see what "the DPT League Rules" say about a tie. Gasp nothing listed! I then researched the USGA rules and found the following:

"Sudden death is not recommended by the USGA in such cases. It's felt that playing hole-by-hole shouldn't decide a tie in stroke play. Instead, a playoff over 18 holes is the favored format. If that's not feasible, then a nine-, six-, or three-hole in that order) playoff is preferable."

Why wasn't this approach ever mentioned or suggested? WHy do we feel my entire round and tie-break should go back to replaying a hole that (at the time) we agreed to a score I should record only to have it retracted?

So given I see no "official" election making Geoff and Chandler league commishioners and continuing to enforce rules that arent even properly listed. I ask for the opinion of the rest of league. Should the round between Geoff and I conclude the way it originally did (tie and split the points)? Should we have replayed my 4th shot on hole 5 thus deciding the entire round? Should we have agreed to a certain number of holes playoff?

I ask for YOU the league participants to vote. You have a voice! You too can put a stop to this dictatorship of a league. Coup d'etat!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Stroke and Distance

So there was one bit of controversy at the Gorecki Par-3 Shootout... involving Gorecki. Initally the dispute was left as a "we'll figure this out later" issue. But when we got in the clubhouse and realized Mike and Geoff tied for 3rd place, the disagreement now affected the season standings.

After a few beers, we decided the only fair (and funny) thing to do was to make Gorecki go back out on the course and finish what he started. We also had to bet him a no-risk $6.

The Dispute

On the par-4 5th hole, Mike's tee shot found the right rough. The ball was sitting nicely on top of a hill, and he had about 110 yards remaining to the pin. He hit his second shot long over a hill beyond the green. Unfortunately, the only thing past the hill is the cart path, a couple of trees, about 3 feet of hard dirt and Waters Avenue.

We couldn't find his ball and concluded it must have rolled into the street, which is clearly "out of bounds" (according to the white stakes and local rule).

I inform Mike that he technically has to go re-hit from his previous location (with penalty). But Mike wanted to take a penalty drop where the ball went into the street. He claimed that with people behind us, it was appropriate to maintain "pace of play." The problem with Mike's logic is that he was taking his penalty 110 yards CLOSER to the hole.

In casual games, pace of play IS important... so the standard allowance is to drop near where the ball went OB and take a two-stroke penalty (keep in mind that isn't really legal either). I offer up this option to Mike, who immediately objected, stating that he'd rather go re-hit the ball from the previous spot since he would probably get it on the green and improve his score.

Eventually he finishes out the hole only taking one penalty, carding a 6 while the rest of the group thinks he should have a 7.

Why Mike is Wrong

Look at these two diagrams:

#1 - This is what Mike did to record a 6. Notice how shot 3 (yellow line) is a penalty stroke dropped near where his ball went out of bounds. Doing so required him to make a short chip for his 4th shot... and then a two-putt for a six.

#2 - This is what Mike actually needed to do to record a 6. His penalty drop should have been back at the previous location, requiring him to make a long 4th shot to the green. Assuming he gets it on the green, he could then two-putt for a six.

Of course, Gorecki was quick to point out that he could get on and one-putt for a five. But that's not likely to happen. The 4th shot in #1 is way more desirable than #2. Which is why hitting a ball OB is the worst thing you can do in golf.

The Resolution

Once we realized there was a tie for 3rd and drank a few beers while arguing over it... we deiced to go back out to the 5th hole and let Mike replay his 4th shot from 110 yards out. He grumbled about being "cold" and having "more beer in him"... so we gave him a few practice shots into the water (not toward the green). His first "real" attempt was chunked about 20 feet in front of him. But Geoff, being the generous person he is, gave Mike another chance:


We ended up letting him take a 7 instead of an 8... but it doesn't matter. Geoff got 3rd place by himself and all 150 DPT points. Hopefully everyone now better understands the OB rules... but I'm not holding my breath.

Par-3 Shootout Results

The Gorecki Par-3 Shootout took place yesterday in scorching conditions at Countryway. The event was interesting due to all the greenies at stake, and we had a lot of side-bet action. With a small field (5 people) it was a good chance for the season leaders to pull away and the slow-starters to jump up the leader board.

Amazingly, 4 of the 5 players shot under their course handicap... and only five strokes separated the top four. But at executive courses, those with bad short games have nowhere to hide.

Reid shot a sneaky 56 (net) thanks to a fast start, but ruined his chances at a title on the last hole with a horrible chip and a missed short putt. Chandler was able to hold on to the victory with three birdies (two of them chip-ins), despite a couple of blowup holes.

But the story of the day was Gorecki, who got a lesson in out of bounds and "stroke and distance." Of course... that needs it's own post which I'll work on later today. And I don't really think he learned anything.


Next week is the Jamaican Open at Waterlefe. Tee time is 10:30am, and we have a 6-person field. Two amateurs are joining us without official handicaps (Dan and Huffman). They can play for side-bet and course money (greenies, sandies, long drives). But they won't count toward the DPT standings.

We have $20 vouchers for the course (normal rate is $60). If you're playing and don't have a voucher, make sure to let me know. Some of us have extras, so just bring cash to pay whoever sells you the voucher.

Also... don't forget you need to be wearing a shirt that matches one of the colors of the Jamaican flag. If you aren't in dress code, the penalty is $2. Reid has final say on color disputes.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Just The Tips!

Alright we're going to try to head to Summerfield Crossings to play the tips. Why? Cause we're stupid. But it should be interesting to see how we do teeing it backwards.

Tournament is Saturday, July 21st. Comment if you're playing.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


During a discussion this morning, I looked up a few of Tiger Woods' childhood accomplishments. For instance... he shot 48 on nine holes at age three. He broke 80 for the first time at age eight (I did it at age 28... sigh).

Anyway, we should keep a list of accomplishments during the season. Like how Geoff shot a career best 43 on nine holes at Stoneybrook. I'm not sure how to present it, but there's one that needs mentioning:

For the first time in his life (35 years), Gorecki beat his dad in golf last Friday. OMG won decisively, 100 to 107, on the difficult Legacy Golf Club down in Sarasota. Good job, Gorecki!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Handicaps, Rakes and Par 3s

The league handicaps were updated today (per the revision schedule), so check those out.


After discussions with Geoff, we're going to start taking a "rake" from the payouts each week. The amount will usually be small ($5 last week), but will be used for a league trophy which cost over $100 and is probably considered an antique. After each season, the overall points winner will get his/her name engraved on the trophy. They'll also get to keep the trophy until the next season concludes.

It'll take awhile for us to "rake" in enough money... but the progress will be kept in the Deadbeat List under "league funds."


Tomorrow I'll book tee times for the Gorecki Par-3 Shootout. Only five people have registered, so we're capping it at 8 people. It should be interesting since there will be a ton more greenie and sandie chances. We will also still have a long drive hole.

I know Gorecki is excited, so get ready!

DPT Open Recap

After heavy rain soaked much of the state last weekend, parts of Brooksville were still flooded. But Southern Hills was in great shape, and ready to kick our ass in the DPT Open.

As advertised, the course played long and the greens were extra frustrating. Little did I know that a morning member tournament would cause the pin locations to be extra hard. But it fit the theme of our first Major.

Geoff got his first win by minimizing his mistakes and only carding one blow-up hole. He finished with an impressive net-69. My dad, playing his home course, took 2nd thanks to a 150 yard shot that found the cup for birdie on #5. Everyone else... got a challenging day of golf.

Reid, Chris and Justin all had chances to win, but collapsed on the final holes. In fact, if you don't count Robb and Gorecki, only six strokes separated the top six players. Such a tight cluster is what the handicap system is all about.

For those that played in the DPT Open, be sure to go online and sign up for the program that will allow us to go back to Southern Hills for $40 all summer.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Jamaican Open - NEW Registration

You need to re-register for the Jamaican Open... starting now. Leave a comment. Don't tell me later how you weren't on the roster.

We're playing at Waterlefe on Sunday, July 15th. That's the day after the GKB tournament. Also... the greens might be a little bumpy but whatever. They were supposed to aerate them on Monday but I doubt that happened due to the rain.

Don't forget Reid has strict guidelines on what color shirt you can wear.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Saturday Carpool

Although we might need to take a boat up to Brooksville... here's a list of the driving situations (that I'm aware of):

Gary B. - driving his 3 guys

Chandler - driving Gorecki, Bito and picking up Geoff on the way

Justin - driving up solo after fat fit camp

Chris - driving solo and leaving immediately after for a birthday party

Robb - driving solo and leaving immediately after for a tea party on his new deck

Reid - driving solo because he hates riding with crackers

As I've mentioned before... I'm leaving at 8am with an estimated arrival of 9am. There's a par 3 course we can play and they have a nice range facility to warm up.

Monday, June 25, 2012

"Check your ego and Tee It Forward"

While checking in to play at my favorite course (Buffalo Creek) last Friday, Chandler pointed out to me a flyer from the USGA they had on display titled "Tee it Forward". As Chandler explained this new marketing campaign the USGA is pushing, the golf pro at Buffalo chimed in as well. Here's a summary of the Tee It Forward idea:

Do you wish your approach shot to the green was just a bit easier? Would you rather hit an iron into the green vs. a fairway wood or hybrid? If you want to play faster and have more fun, move up a set of tees and TEE IT FORWARD!

Many amateurs are regularly hitting approach shots on a par-4 hole from 185 to 205 yards. The fact is , most bogey golfers only hit approach shots generally with any accuracy from within 170 yards. When you TEE IT FORWARD, you have the potential to hit approach shots from 145 to 165 yards. You will be hitting more lofted irons that will help you play faster and have more fun!

Join your friends and look forward to a new, positive experience on the golf course and move up a set of tees and TEE IT FORWARD!

Now Buffalo Creek has its White Tees at 6400 yards (117 Slope) and its Gold Tees at 5800 yds(109 slope). So this is where the golf pro spoke up as he encourages "bogey golfers" to tee it forward on his course. So despite Chandlers making fun of me as usual, we played from the Golds and "Had More Fun" as our 2nd shots were high irons rather than long fairway woods.

So as we continued to discuss this new golf campaign, I asked to look into "teeing forward" our Waterlefe tees from 6200 (130 slope) to 5900 (128 slope)  (see a pattern here?) With much chagrin he obliged as again I contested waterlefe will be challenging enough given water comes into play on every hole.

So now we move to this weeks "Major" at Southern Hills. And guess what Chandler and I debated? The original tees Chandler proposed the blues at 6455 (Slope 128) and I proposed using a mix tees at 6114 (Slope 125). Note this is longer and harder than the whites at 5900 (Slope 123).

SO whats everyone's thoughts on embracing this "tee it forward" idea and still playing the "majors" a little tougher than we normally play? Southern hills itself is a challenging course with is rolling hills and fast greens, so I'm sure with whatever tee box we play from, this course is gonna be tough for us high handicappers.

And to put your "ego in check" I encourage you all to use this chart where it asks you to keep track of the clubs you use for approach shots (3rd shot on Par 5s, 2nd shot on Par 4s, 1st shot on Par 3s) the next time you play. I've obviously embraced the tee it forward idea and hope my game improves and I'll have more fun using this method. Plus I've registered to win 2 tickets to the Ryder Cup by embracing this idea. When I win, I'll definitely take into account who was in support of us teeing it forward.

See ya on the links!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Weather Update

As of 6:30PM, the area around Waterlefe has had less than an inch of rain over the last 24 hours. If you've been watching the weather reports... it was supposed to dump on all of the Tampa Bay area... but didn't.

I'll call the course around 7am tomorrow to ask about conditions. But I expect to be playing. That course should drain pretty well.

Alright... so our luck with weather finally ran out.  I've shuffled the schedule around sightly, moving the Jamaican Open to July 15th. "Just the Tips" now replaces the "Chandler Heritage", which is the day BEFORE our 2nd major.

We still need people to sign up for the Par 3 tournament. Bito? Where you at?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Gorecki Par-3 Shootout Registration

Registration is now open for the Gorecki Par-3 Shootout. Comment if you're playing!

Bring a rain jacket on Sunday. It's going to rain.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Jamaican Open Preview

We're set for 10:00am at Waterlefe this Sunday. A few notes of interest:

- For those of you who haven't played this course... it's awesome. Probably my favorite course at the moment. Hard as shit, so bring LOTS of extra balls.

- We were going to play the BLACK tees (get it?). But Gorecki and the USGA have convinced me to move up to the WHITE tees. It's only a difference of 200 yards... but there's no need to punish the high handicappers in the league. We can do that later this season when we play "just the tips."

- Make sure you look at the Jamaican Flag. Your shirt needs to be one of those 3 colors. Personally, I'm going to buy a shirt just for this tourney (I probably need more anyway). If you don't have a black, yellow, or green shirt... you owe $2 extra to the pot.

- It appears Waterlefe is aerating the greens on the 25th. So we're missing it by ONE day... which is awesome. And lucky.

- Make sure you show up down there by 9:30. We might be able to go out early. Also, bring your groupon things! If you don't have one, there's a bunch of us who have extras you can buy.

US Open Best Ball Results

Thanks to some timely eagles on a very difficult course, Souder and Litman tied for first and will split the $120 pot.

Finishing one stroke behind in third was Geoff and Dan. They get... a pat on the back.

The "British" Open is in six weeks... so we'll do this all again.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Geoff Skins Game = White People Who Can't Add

Ugh. I'm not even sure where to start with this one.

As both groups were waiting to tee off on #10, it was quite comical how the Geoff/Robb/Justin group couldn't figure out who scored what on the front nine. By the time we finished, they had the same issue on the back... with all three of them having three different totals for each other (for various reasons). They finally settled on Justin's scorecard which had Robb and Justin tying straight up (94).

Too bad once I got home and added it up myself, Robb actually had a 93. Even though Justin had each nine totaled correctly (44-49).

But that's OK. It didn't affect the standings. The skins were another matter.

We quickly ran through the scorecard... and probably should have double checked it. Somehow we gave 3 undeserved skins to Reid, shorting myself 2 and Geoff 1. I honestly have no idea how we did that.

So, I know Reid is going to be annoyed that we gave him money... and then took it away... but he's going on the deadbeat list anyway. Everyone needs to check the official scorecard to make sure I'm not just fucking this up more.


That entire mess overshadows another good day of golf. Robb came in and beat up on us, scoring himself 500 DPT Points and an invitation to the DPT Masters. Geoff finished a couple of strokes behind, with me in 3rd.

Jamaican Open next week. Get yourself a black, green or gold shirt. And Reid is going to be strict on it.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

DPT Open Registration

You can now register for our seasons first major tournament. The DPT Open will be played at Southern Hills Plantation. Greens fee is $40 and entry fee is $10.

Since it's a private club, they're pretty strict on rules and whatnot, but we'll talk about that later. More importantly, they have a great practice facility and a 6-hole par 3 course. Some of us are going to go up there early and play it before our round to warm up.

The field is capped at 8 people, as we can only get two tee times. So sign up now!

Oh... and this course will tear you up. But it's pretty.


I forgot I had more things to say:

Our schedule has a bye week the weekend of July 28th. There's a group trip going to Key West, but I imagine I'm the only one going on it. So let me know if you all want me to add an event that weekend. Someone needs to step up and make the tee times, and save the scorecards for me. But that's not difficult. I can still calculate the handicaps, etc.

Also we got two spots open for this Saturday.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


There's a decent little video series on explaining some of the more common "rules of golf."

I actually learned a lot. And although our league enforce all these rules stringently... it's kinda good to know. It also gives you an idea why you see things on tour, such as a player hitting from the cart path instead of taking free relief.

US Open

The nation's championship starts tomorrow. If you aren't on the paid list... you're getting the boot from the Best Ball pool.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bito Da Vinci

Since I am bored here is graphical representation of what transpired on hole #6

The first graphic is a Google Maps image with colored dots representing the location of drives.

Teal - Chandler
Pink - Bito
Red - Justin
Yellow - Chris

Next up in full MS Paint glory is the representation of the shoddy course grooming.

Light Green - Fairway
Dark Green - Rough/ Unmowed fairway.
Gray - Cart Path
Black dots - Trees
Yellow dot - Chris's ball.

You are welcome. 


So I was planning on playing the Jamaican Open at Waterlefe... turns out theres a GREAT Deal Caddy for there today.

$20 and BOGO beer. 

If you don't buy this it'll be $35ish when we play there. So get on it ASAP. Hell... I'll probably buy a few anyway to use later.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Kickoff Open - Results

We got extremely lucky with the course conditions and weather. In what was sure to be a rainy flooded day... turned out to be a sunny damp day.

But Stoneybrook is a very difficult course in dry conditions. And we had soggy fairways that wouldn't roll the ball and washed out bunkers. Not ideal. Despite that, three players grinded out some good scores.

Geoff shot a career best 43 on the front nine to take a 14 stroke lead going into the back. At the turn I considered the tournament over, and the rest of us fighting for 2nd place money and points. But only six holes later, that lead was lost and Geoff was still struggling to finish the round.

My dad was able to catch up thanks to +3 performance on holes 9 through 17. But he choked the day away by putting two tee-shots into the water on the final hole.

Thanks to those collapses and an insanely hot putter, I was able to pull ahead with a career best 36 on the back nine. In fact, I only had 13 putts on that side, which I attribute to not playing with Justin.


Next week we're playing Northdale for the Geoff Skins Game. There's a tournament going on in the morning so the earliest we can tee off is 12:30pm ($32). I've already booked two tee times, and with Gorecki playing we only have two spots remaining. Bito claims hes got some guys who want to come join for fun... so he better commit before 2 B's and/or the Asians do.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Jamaican Open

Starting registration for the Jamaican Open. We're looking at playing Waterlefe if we can get a good deal (its normally quite expensive). Things to note:

- We're playing the morning after the Summer Sizzle.
- Week 1 and 2 are on Saturday... this tournament is a Sunday.
- Every participant must refer to Reid as "boss."

Comment before the 16th if you're playing.

There are still 2 spots open for week 1... and week 2 is looking like a foursome!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Who's Gonna Win?

Looking at the handicaps, I'm thinking Justin or Geoff.

Justin can take our money if he limits the penalty strokes and shoots 86 or 87. If Geoff plays smart golf and doesn't implode after a few bad shots, I can see him shooting an un-beatable 95 or 96. Both have seen the course so they should remember where they made mental mistakes (ie: #10).

Reid is a dark horse. Because he's dark.

Bito is the odds-on favorite to buy us a pitcher of beer, after the 116 he shot at Stoneybrook two weeks ago.

We still have two spots open.

Don't forget to bring plenty of cash for gambling, and maybe even an extra $10 so you can pay me for the US Open pool.

My dad is taking the 7th spot, which means a couple of things.  1) I'm now picking him as the favorite since he can easily go low 80's despite being in a horrible slump.  2) second place now gets money.

Bito is also now OUT... so two spots back open. Ask your friends.

Bito claims he's back in.

Bring a rain jacket. It's gonna rain.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Kickoff Open

Registration is now closed for the Kickoff Open.

We have 6 people signed up, so I've booked two tee times at 10:00 AM. We can still take two more people who want to go play for fun (without handicaps).

Remember to bring cash. Entry fee is $5, winner take all ($30). You'll also need money for the following group specific bets:

Greenies - $1 on each of the par 3s. Closest to pin in the group (must be on the green) wins. The winner must score par or better on the hole. If closest person gets bogey or worse, the next closest person can steal the money.

Long Drive - Longest drive in the fairway wins $1 from every person in the group. Long drive hole this week will be #6.

Sandies - Any time someone gets a par or better from a green-side bunker, they earn $1 from the rest of their group.

Eagles - Any time someone gets an eagle, they earn $1 from the entire field.

Beer Pitcher - Anyone who shoots +10 net of their handicap (82 or worse this week) has to buy one pitcher of beer in the clubhouse.

Write down who got what on your scorecard.  We'll settle up in the clubhouse. Groups will be selected at random before we tee off. See you all there.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Geoff Skins Game - Registration

Registration is now open for the Geoff Skins Game on Saturday, June 16th. It's a little bit different with more money on the line... but it should be easy for the high-handicappers to win some cash.

Post a comment if you're playing.

Also... we basically have two spots left for the Kickoff Open. All you lurkers should get off your ass and come hang out with us.

And nobody has said anything about a practice round THIS Sunday, so nothing is booked yet.

Monday, May 28, 2012

DPT Tour is Near...

Only about 1.5 more weeks of practice until the Tour kicks off. Almost the entire field was able to play Stoneybrook today, which was very difficult but in great shape (especially for $20).

I was able to use the rounds to test and tweak the scorecard, which will be linked to all the results pages.

I've also updated the handicaps (except the Brown people whose official USGA handicap comes out on the 1st). Of course, this means I'm assuming nobody is going to play before Friday. You'll notice some have increased as more rounds are posted. Remember... the most accurate handicaps have 20 rounds of data. Anything less uses a schedule to throw out most of the rounds.

So hit the range this week. I can book a tee time on Sunday at Summerfield since most of us have vouchers... but we can't play before 10am. Let me know if anyone wants to do that.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The storied history of The Conjecture Cup is sullied, becomes Cup O’ Lies.

Bito's commentary in Italics. Lies are underlined. Chandler drowns in Bosom Rain

1 - Bito wakes up from his nightly slumber with an itch on his ass that he can't scratch. He feels disrespected.
My original intent had nothing to do with any sort of Conjecture Cup. I merely inquired about making the season tournament a longer ordeal, lasting from Friday – Sunday.  I wanted to do this because Heather is going out of town and I want to make the most of it.

Bito: What is stopping us from doing an individual golf tourney? or what are the challenges?
Chandler: your astronomical handicap, other than that... nothing.
Bito: im not the worst in the league
Chandler: thats untested
Right about now, Conjecture is cumming into the proverbial vagina of Cup
Bito: that is why I want to have an individual tourney. i want to put this nonsense to bed

2- So he amends his original statement and eventually proclaims he could beat four people in our league with no handicaps.

Bito: alright
one day event
all ten people
straight up
i'd finish 8th or higher
my goal would be 6th.
$25 (had to lower since you think it will get so much action)

I guaranteed that I would finish 8th or higher with a goal of 6th. Not a proclamation of 6th, a goal. As for the coming down on the original $50 bet, Chandler had me convinced that everyone would take that. I thought maybe 4 or 5 people would take a $50. So I lowered it in case all 10 people took it. But it looks like I was closer to being correct about the amount of takers. Almost NO action! Everyone has excuses! Everyone has conjectures!

3- On the first tee box, Bito asks Geoff how many strokes were being given... which is silly since the entire conjecture is that Bito isn't the worst golfer. So why would he get strokes? He then suggests they should play for $5 instead of $25, but ultimately agrees to $10.

Here is what really transpired for people who want to read a 30 second fact filled synopsis. If you are like Geoff and need a painstakingly detailed recreation. Skip to the next paragraph. 
Bito: Chandler, how much are we betting?
Chandler: Geoff and I are doing $5
Bito: That is it? Lets do $15.
Chandler: I feel bad, $5
Bito: Fine.
Bito: Geoff, how much are we betting? $5?
Geoff: Straight up?
Bito: Do you *want* to give me strokes?
Of course I am going to ask if he wants to give me strokes. I would be stupid not to. This ISN'T The Conjecture Cup
Geoff: No
Bito: $10
Geoff: Ok
Once again this isn’t the Conjecture Cup, why would anyone assume that I would bet $25?

______Are they really THAT different?______

Here is what really transpired (In painstaking detail for Geoff)....

Scene 1 - Chandler picks up Bito in golf cart. They discuss the upcoming round as they journey to the 1st tee box, where Geoff and Random Dude (Hence referred to as RD) are already standing, stretching, Geoff making racial jokes, etc. 
Bito: Chandler, how much are we betting?
Chandler: Geoff and I are doing $5
Bito: That is it? Lets do $15.
Chandler: I feel bad, $5
Bito: Fine.
Bito exits cart 

Scene 2 - Geoff, RD, and Bito are now standing on the tee box. 
Bito: Geoff, how much are we betting? $5?
Geoff: I thought you wanted to bet $25
Bito: No. I thought you were betting Chandler $5. So lets do that. 
Not The Conjecture Cup 
Geoff: Are we betting straight up?
Bito: Do you *want* to give me strokes?
Of course I am going to ask if he wants to give me strokes. I would be stupid not to. This ISN'T The Conjecture Cup
Geoff: No, why would I give you strokes? You are 'better than me'. You should be giving me the strokes! 
Bito: I dunno, just thought I would throw that out there. 
Geoff: Are we betting or what? 
Chandler: Why don't you split it and go $10? 
Bito: Yeah that sounds good. Geoff, straight up for $10? 
Geoff: Ok
Once again this isn’t The Conjecture Cup, why would anyone assume that I would bet $25?

The original Conjecture Cup offer still stands… But since it has been up for nearly a month and only Geoff, Chandler, and Gomez, have actually agreed to it. One can only assume that everyone else is too much of a pussy. 

DPT Tour - Kickoff Open

Registration is now open for Week 1 of the new DPT Tour.

Kickoff Open

Since this is an "open," anyone is allowed to play. But you must have an approved DPT handicap in order to compete for points and money. If you've played recently send me your scores to help establish one sooner!

Date: Saturday, June 9th
Time: Hopefully around 10am, but we'll see
Course: Looking at Stoneybrook in Bradenton. I plan on playing there this weekend to check out the course and conditions.
Price: Around $25
Entry Fee: $5 (waived for those not playing for money)

Comment if you're IN and check the roster to see the competitors and expected payouts. All sheets will be updated as we get closer to the event and finalize tee times.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Conjecture This - Bito Reinforces Stereotypes

A massacre happened on Sunday, May 20th. It's a day we should never forget. Justin is making hemp bracelets to memorialize the event.

After scheduling issues have postponed the Conjecture Cup (ie: Bito's crusade against the world's perception), a minor skirmish broke out at the dilapidated (1) Quail Hollow Golf Course. It wasn't quite the over-produced tournament to crown DPT's "worst golfer," but it did give us a chance to verify our speculations.

Here's a brief history of Ryan ZamBonaparte:  

Thursday, April 26th 2012 - The Declaration
Bito wakes up from his nightly slumber with an itch on his ass that he can't scratch. He feels disrespected. The DPT Golf League apparently thinks he's the worst golfer in all the lands. They say he rides the coat tails of GoMex (who is a direct descendent of Antonio López de Santa Anna). They say he uses the "foot wedge." They say if he played his own ball he'd never break 100.

But Bito sees a different picture. He knows his chips are crisp, and his putts are straight. He knows his team uses 38.3% (repeating, of course) of his shots in scrambles. Bito believes he is not only the most improved golfer in the galaxy, but also more skilled than the hacks in the DPT-o-Sphere. The time to attack is now!

He begins by telling me we need to set up an individual tournament which uses pre-determined handicaps. Bito is willing to bet $50 against any takers that he won't finish "in the bottom two." That bet was basically bullshit since the purpose of handicaps are to level the playing field. His chances of not finishing near the bottom are just as high as the best player in the league.

So he amends his original statement and eventually proclaims he could beat four people in our league with no handicaps. I suggest going out and creating an official documentary of the event with rules officials and funny commentary. Suddenly, the Conjecture Cup was born.

The C.C. Plot Thickens, Then Fizzles
Filming one group is infinitely easier than dealing with a full-scale tournament, so I ask Bito to call out three people he can beat straight-up. His choices: Geoff, Gorecki and E-Flo (although he did mention Buchanan and Reid). He also lowered his $50 per person bet to $25 due to the high volume of takers. Fair enough.

Predictably, E-Flo isn't available until 2015 and Gorecki is moving "any day now" to Atlanta (2), so the one hour special I envisioned rapidly fell apart. Also, the upcoming DPT Tour removes all doubt since Bito will have many opportunities to go head-to-head with various opponents for less money. We needed to settle this dispute quickly. Last Sunday seemed perfect with Geoff, Bito and Gorecki able to tee it up. Until Gorecki backed out at the last minute, per the usual.

The Quail Hollow Massacre
So we're left with Bito vs. Geoff vs. Chandler.

On the first tee box, Bito asks Geoff how many strokes were being given... which is silly since the entire conjecture is that Bito isn't the worst golfer. So why would he get strokes? He then suggests they should play for $5 instead of $25, but ultimately agrees to $10.

I tell Bito he can have 8.5 strokes from me (0.5 more than Geoff was getting). Bito giddily exclaims we should bet $50 since he'll kill me with that many strokes. But I tell him we're only going to play for $5 because I didn't want to steal money from his baby. Don't ever think I lack a gentle heart.

 The scorecard:

So there you have it. I'm not sure what we accomplished without Gorecki and E-Flo. And I hope to still produce a Conjecture Cup documentary later this summer. But in the meantime, Bito knows where he needs to improve and everyone else knows what they need to shoot.

I'm going to go shower myself with Bito's money... just like a gentle Bosom Rain.


(1) We played Quail Hollow in Season 2 of our league on April 15th and the course was in decent shape. Just over one month later... they've lost almost all their greens. The putting surfaces are lacking grass in most spots, and the dirt that remains feels like concrete. I've never seen greens die this quickly, and I won't be playing QH for quite some time.

(2) Gorecki has been permanently moving to Atlanta since November of 2011. Not since the promised return of Christ has something been talked about so much without any actual happenings.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

DPT Golf Season 3

Now that Season Two is over... we're starting up Season Three immediately. And we're changing to stroke play!

Season One was pretty decent, with good participation allowing us to accurately match-up teams of various skill. We were able to play a bunch of different courses (with a two-day tournament) for less than the cost of one season at TBCS.

Season Two sucked a fat dick. Apathy and forfeits made the whole thing pointless. There was no competitive spirit, and all but two teams acted like showing up was a chore instead of a fun time out with the guys. As I complained to co-founder Geoff regarding the incessant whining about tee times, greens fees, availability, locations, handicaps, etc... it dawned on me that we didn't really need anyone else to accomplish our goal.

We started the league because 1) we love the game 2) we wanted to play more in the hopes of getting better and 3) we wanted fair competition. It was assumed that our friends (who always said they should play more golf) would be just as passionate about forming and growing the league. But because we didn't charge anyone a shit-load of money upfront, there was no incentive to show up and play. Our mistake.

So we're changing the format to an individual stroke-play tour. Every man for himself. If you want to play in a tournament, sign up. If you'd rather go to Comic-Con, whatever. If you don't like the course, tee time, date or price... skip it. The people who play most often will have the best shot at winning money and prizes. Everyone else can show up when the mood strikes them and attempt to win a few bucks. Best of all... I don't have to spend any time sending e-mails or trying to accommodate schedules. It's all set in stone, and it's all on the blog.


The season will be 11 weeks long, playing most weekends. There will be a post on this blog each week discussing the upcoming tournament and registration deadline. All tee times will be cost-conscious, and therefore probably around noon. In order to play in a tournament, you must meet all the requirements of the event AND register at least one week in advance (as in... post a comment so a spot will be reserved for you).

Spots are first come, first served. If you are the 5th, 9th, 13th, or 17th player... you need to find at least one more person before the deadline. You're more than welcome to sign up for a tournament weeks in advance.

Since the dates are already set, put it on your calendar. We might swap a Saturday for a Sunday (and vice/versa) if there's something big going on.

Individual handicaps will be kept using the official USGA calculation. You must have a handicap in order to participate in a tournament for money and points. We'll keep all the data for you on this website. In fact, we're keeping enough data to become an official USGA club if we ever decide to apply. If you don't have a handicap, you can play as an amateur in order to obtain the minimum number of rounds needed to establish a handicap (five). If you ever play outside of the league, you can email me your scores (by hole) and the course information in order to obtain a handicap sooner.

Point System
Whoever finishes the season with the most DPT Points will be champion. It works just like (and is modeled after) the FedEx Cup system. You can play sporadically and win the title if you win tournaments. Or you can play a lot and slowly build up a high point total. Ties (even 1st place) are split, just like in the PGA.

Money Payouts
Every tournament will have a $5 entry fee ($10 for Majors). Payouts will depend on how many people are entered. Each group will also gamble $1 on a designated long drive hole, and $1 on each of the par 3s. Eagles get an extra dollar from every competitor. Any score 10+ over par (net) owes the group a pitcher of beer after the round.

While the money list is interesting, it doesn't affect the standings. We just want to keep track who is winning and losing money throughout our season. Amateurs are NOT eligible to win prize money, but they can participate in long drive and par 3 payouts. Ties (even 1st place) are split, just like in the PGA.

Tournament Formats
All tournaments will be stroke-play using DPT handicaps. However, there will be special tournaments hosted by members of this league. As of now we've involuntarily signed up people to host. The host has a limited ability to choose the date, course, tee time and tees for their event. If they have a good theme idea, I'm also open to discuss it. If the host doesn't want to be bothered, we'll still play the tournament and say they're the host. It's almost funnier that way.

Current "special" tournaments include:
Geoff Skins Game - Instead of normal payouts, the money will go to the winner of skins.
Robb's Early Bird Classic - Teeing off at the crack of dawn.
Chandler Heritage - An exclusive event. No amateurs allowed!
E-Flo's Hangover Invitational - This is probably my favorite one. Go read it.
Gorecki's Par 3 Shootout - Played at an executive course.
Reid's Jamaican Open - At a course with a ton of water. It reminds him of home.

There are also three Majors. Each one has a unique participation requirement and will be held at a nicer (and slightly more expensive) course. The entry fee is $10, so the payouts will be larger.

Playing Rules

Obviously we're going to play the game according to the USGA. If you hit a ball out of bounds, you need to hit another one with penalty from the same spot. If a ball is in a bush and you can't hit it, you need to take a drop with penalty for an unplayable lie. Each player is in charge of enforcing rules on themselves and on their playing partners. If you cheat, you get kicked out. If you constantly have trouble tallying up your correct score, you get kicked out. If you're a douche, you get kicked out. If you fail to pay your bets, you get kicked out.

This is a small-money gambling league. Go to the ATM before the round. No excuses or IOUs. If you rack up debt, we'll just quit including you.

The max you can take on a hole is double-par... which we're only enforcing to help speed up the game.


That's all you need to know. Tournament dates, handicaps, scoring history and player profiles are already active on the blog. First week is June 9th... go ahead and let me know if you're playing.