Sunday, August 20, 2017

2017 Rapture - Round 3

August 20th, 2017. 11:00am. SINGLES (MATCH PLAY)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

2017 Rapture - Round 2

August 19th, 2017. 10:30am. CHAPMAN (MODIFIED ALT-SHOT)

Friday, August 18, 2017

2017 Rapture - Round 1

August 18th, 2017. 10:00am. FOUR-BALL (BEST BALL)

Monday, August 14, 2017

Summer 2017 Season Handicaps

With another great season in the books, I thought it would be nice to put things in perspective and see who's improving and who's regressing - especially going into The Rapture.

Now that Chandler has posted Rapture handicap and stroke info, below will show how each players' handicap has changed from the beginning of this season to the end - with the 'Last Change' showing the latest handicap adjustment differential (8/1 - 8/15).

The Kitty Kats surely have a bold strategy going into the Rapture, dropping 5 stokes since 8/1.  Not a single player increased their handicap in that time. Looks like they prefer to go in hot rather than sandbag.

Although the Garyatrics have a hard time remembering the good ol' days when they used to light cats' tails on fire* just for fun, they sure haven't forgotten the cardinal rule of Rapture prep - don't lower your handicap right before the event!  As a team, they are +0.6 since 8/1. Whether intentional or not, we'll see if this kind of protectionism works out for them.

On the season, both teams dropped their handicaps by about 8 strokes!  With a league per person average of -0.9.  The number of people on each team increasing vs. decreasing their handicap, along with the sizes of those handicap changes, were relatively even between the two teams as well.  Should make for a good matchup.  

Be careful interpreting this as a who's hot, who's not, because while there is some validity to it (if you're shooting lower, you're getting better), the real question will be: can those that lowered their handicap keep up their high level of play?  And, of course, you should consider many of our 'better players' with lower handicaps will tend to be more consistent and therefore have less variance in their play and as a result, their handicaps.

Regardless, props to JW, Tall Mike, Chandler, Big John, Katie, Robbie, Reid, and Casey for dropping their handicaps between 2 and 5 strokes!  The average for those who lowered their handicaps was -2.8, while those who increased theirs, did so only by +0.8...okay, well +1.1 if you include Gorecki's +3.4 outlier.  Nice job to everyone as a whole, keep up the improvement - that is the goal anyway!

Oh...someone else also lowered theirs by -0.4 for the season..but I've been staring at this list for so long the names are beginning to blur together.  I'm sure I'll find it soon.

Summer 2017 Handicap Performance

*Disclaimer: DPT Golf league does not condone animal cruelty - Human cruelty in the form of constant berating, badgering, and ridicule of and by its members via commentary on this blog is condoned, if not encouraged.

2017 Rapture Handicaps

Here we go! Strokes in parenthesis:

Round 1 - Four Ball
(80% of course handicap, played off the lowest cap in each group)

Men - WHITE (70.4/130) ; Katie - RED (69.3/123)

Match 1 - Katie (11) / Greg (4) vs. Chandler (0) / Robbie (3)
Match 2 - Darren (4) / Tall Mike (5) vs. Buchert (0) / JW (7)
Match 3 - John (0) / Brendan (6) vs. Reid (1) / Geoff (9)
Match 4 - Dave (0) / Mike H. (2) vs. Gary (6) / Gorecki (18)

Round 2 - Chapman (Alt Shot)
(60% of course handicap for low cap, 40% for high cap. Played off the lowest team cap in each group)

Men - BLUE (68.2/117) ; Katie - RED (66.9/109)

Match 5 - Darren/Katie (8) vs. Chandler/Buchert (0)
Match 6 - John/Greg (0) vs. Gary/Reid (0)
Match 7 - Dave/Tall Mike (0) vs. Geoff/Robbie (6)
Match 8 - Brendan/Mike H. (0) vs. JW/Gorecki (10)

Round 3 - Singles
(80% of course handicap, played off the lowest cap in each match)

Men - DARK GRAY/GREEN (70.2/127) ; Katie - WHITE/SILVER (69.1/129)

Match 9 - Dave (0) vs. Gorecki (17)
Match 10 - Mike H. (0) vs. Robbie (3)
Match 11 - Katie (9) vs. Reid (0)
Match 12 - John (3) vs. Buchert (0)
Match 13 - Greg (1) vs. Gary (0)
Match 14 - Tall Mike (0) vs. JW (2)
Match 15 - Brendan (0) vs. Geoff (4)
Match 16 - Darren (5) vs. Chandler (0)

Rapture 2017 - Details

Here's the itinerary:

Thursday, August 17th - Check into AirBnB houses. Arrive any time after 4pm. I highly recommend everyone come up on Thursday. Doesn't matter if it's super late... it's better than driving to Juliette Falls for a 10am Friday tee time.

Friday, August 18th - Juliette Falls, 10am, Four Ball (Best Ball)

Saturday, August 19th - Candler Hills - 10:30am, Chapman (Modified Alternate Shot)

Sunday, August 20th - Black Diamond (Quarry) - 11am, Singles

Other info:

- The $160 you paid me covers room and gambling. Our new "pay for performance" structure will earn you $60 for winning The Rapture and $20 for every full point you secure for your team.

- Greens fees at these courses should be (after tax): $50, $45, $75.

- Juliette Falls greens fee includes a burger and a beer.

- Bring rain gear. We WILL be fighting rain all weekend, so be prepared to play in it and to wait out any lightning. Our Black Diamond tee time is the earliest non-member tee time allowed by the course.

- There's a decent sports bar in town called Coach's, about an 8 minute drive. Obviously you can bring food to cook in the house but I don't think they have grills. We really should just go out every night to make it easier.

House addresses:

House 1 (Chan, Gary, Darren, Katie, Greg, Robbie) - 1371 N. Timucuan Trail, Inverness, FL 34453

House 2 (Dave, Geoff, Reid, Gorecki, Mike H.) - 849 N. Sabal Palm Way, Inverness, FL 34453

House 3 (John, Buchert, JW, Brendan, Moostie) - 1281 N. Timucuan Trail, Inverness, FL 34453


We are NOT playing split tees in this event. All guys are on the same set of tees. All Katies are on their own set of tees. Katie's tees were selected to be as close as possible in slope and rating to the men.

Juliette Falls: 

Men - WHITE ; Katie - RED

Candler Hills:

Men - BLUE ; Katie - RED

Black Diamond: (Everyone is playing a combo tee here. Look for the arrows!)

Men - Dark Gray/Green Combo ; Katie - White/Silver Combo

Information on handicaps for the event will be posted soon.

Jamaican Open - Summer 2017 Recap

Katie can't be stopped. Her team of Kitties dominated the leader board, finishing in the top 5 spots. While the Garyatrics struggled, perhaps they were protecting their handicaps for the Rapture?

Nope. We're just terrible.

Katie shot her second 89 (gross) this season, destroying 2nd place Darren by four strokes. It tied her best career round.

On the other side of the spectrum, Gorecki broke a streak of 70 holes in a row without a par... and actually made two on the round. Perhaps we've finally seen rock bottom? He also purchased two of the 4 pitchers he owed, so everyone in Virginia can stop protesting now.


Excellent season by Casey, who is now the newest member of the Champions Club. He joins myself, Faz, Geoff, Darren, Tall Mike and Katie.

Casey apparently wasn't aware that there are two Champions Dinners a year. So to refresh everyone's memory... the most recent winner of a season gets $100 for dinner at a location of their choice, and is attended by all previous Champions. I guess we're eating in Pinellas!

The 7th member of The Champions Club.


Tons of Rapture content to be posted later today. So stay tuned. Great season, everyone.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Rapture - Housing Change

When you coordinate group outings, it's always good practice to follow up a few weeks before the event to make sure everything is set up.

Using AirBnB, I booked us two 4-bedroom houses from a company with a pretty high rating and good reviews. Yesterday (9 days before the event) I emailed to confirm where to pick up the keys and whatnot.

I get an email back saying "there have been some changes" and the villas "no longer have availability."

While I understand this happens, why am I hearing about it a week before the event... and why am I only finding out because I initiated an email?

Anyway... we've now allegedly reserved three 3-bedroom houses (say that three times fast, Dave) in the same neighborhood. No change in price so it's technically a better "deal." But the roommate list has changed, and you are now grouped based on a combination of your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, your horoscope, and divine intervention. All things I regularly track about every member.

House 1: "End Woman's Suffrage" - (1 king, 4 twins)

House 2 "Ex-Kickballers & Dave's Boy" - (1 queen, 4 twins)
Mike H.

House 3 "UF/Growler Frat House" - (2 kings, 2 twins)
Tall Mike

Hopefully this all works out and we aren't sleeping on the streets of Inverness. More details to come after we finish the season on Sunday.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Jamaican Open - Spring 2017 Re-do

Last event of the season. Playing Lakewood National, 9am tee time, $40. We are currently FULL. Give yourself plenty of time to get down there and check in.

Despite being fairly wide open, the course is rated (and plays) pretty difficult. Everyone is on the PALMER tees unless you tell me otherwise.

Moving to NATIONAL will increase your handicap by at least 2 strokes, and moving to ARNOLD will increase it by at least 4 strokes. The tees have color, but you can't tell by the scorecard (which is stupid). So count from the front (Palmer Tees are the 3rd from the front).

See you down there.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Modified Alternate Shot: Chapman Format Explained (for the millionth time)

The 2nd round of The Rapture is a Chapman format, aka: modified alternate shot.

Because we have new people, and Gary still doesn't understand how it works, let's try one last time with the help of MS Paint and some condescending sarcasm. And if you're still confused, here's another website attempting to explain the format.

ON EVERY HOLE, both players tee off. Both players then hit their partners ball. Then ONE ball is selected and you alternate until it is holed.

Let's look at a par 4, with John (black ball & black lines) and Greg (red ball & red lines).

Shot 1 - John hits his tee shot down the left side. Greg slices his tee shot into a fairway bunker.

Shot 2 - John now must hit Greg's ball, from the bunker, and uses his perfect hands to get it on the green! Great shot! Greg has an easier lie with John's ball, but shanks it into a greenside bunker. Greg loves bunkers!

AFTER SHOT 2 A DECISION MUST BE MADE!! Do they want to hit the third shot from the greenside bunker (John's original ball) or the green (Greg's original ball)?

Obviously, they're going to choose the ball on the green. At this point, it is TRUE ALTERNATE SHOT. Not a scramble. Not stroke play. Not some other made up format.

"But Chandler," you say, "how do we know who hits shot 3?!?" Simple. Whoever didn't hit the ball to that spot. So Greg is up!

Shot 3 - Greg putts past the hole.

Shot 4 - John taps in for a par. Splendid!


I've successfully explained this to Gary about 15 times. He'll eventually nod and say he gets it... before scrunching up his face and saying: "OK so on a par 3, both tee off and then alternate shot in because they're on the green?" It never fails. NO! NOTHING IS DIFFERENT JUST BECAUSE THE PAR HAS CHANGED!

Let's review what happens on a par 3:

Shot 1 - John hits it on the green. Wonderful! Greg hits his ball on the back of the green. They have two shots at birdie coming up!

Shot 2 - Greg putts John's ball, and hammers it past the hole. John putts Greg's ball, and comes up slightly short.

OK, everyone has hit twice. That must mean: DECISION TIME!! Do they want the ball closer to the hole, or the one further away?!? They guess correctly and choose the closer ball (Greg's original red ball). Since John just putt it, Greg gets to tap it in.

Shot 3 - Greg taps in for a par. Unbelievable.

But wait! "What if one of the tee shots doesn't land on the green. Do you still hit each other's balls for shot 2?" I've been asked that before. I'll let you figure it out.


Here's another question I received in 2017: "So on a par 5, you both tee off, both hit second shots, both switch back and hit third shots, and then choose because a par 5 is one more than a par 4?!?"

NO! After shot two, one ball needs to go in a pocket. 

Shot 1 - John hits a weak drive up the left side. Greg hits a bomb up the right side.

Shot 2 - Greg blasts John's original ball up near the green. John hits a weak 2nd shot with Greg's original ball.


They choose the one closer to the green: John's black ball. Because Greg just hit it, it's now John's turn!

Shot 3 - John chips on the green.

Shot 4 - Greg misses the birdie putt long, because he's not a great putter.

Shot 5 - John makes the comeback for a par. These guys are a wonderful team!


Now for an honestly good question. "What happens if you go OB." First... that ball probably won't be used. But if John goes OB off the tee, then Greg needs to hit John's ball... but from the tee (and technically that ball is now being hit for 3).

If they both go OB, then they're both hitting again from the tee for 3. After that they pick the best shot and alternate. I trust you all can figure out how it works.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Week 9 - Jamaican Open (Make-Up)

We're booked at Lakewood National for Sunday, August 13th at 9:30am. Got us a $40 green fee which includes range balls. I had to promise we'd bring 16 people... so update your RSVP so I can fill any open spots.

Lakewood National opened this year in January, and was one of the final courses built by Arnold Palmer's company before he died. It's pretty wide open and a really good layout. Reminded me of Champions Gate Country Club.

Anyway, update your stuff and I'll see you in two weeks.

Monday, July 31, 2017

2017 Rapture - Drafts and Information

The Rapture draft happened yesterday after our round, and it produced a few interesting match-ups. First, let's review the draft:

Not a ton of big surprises, especially with Katie selecting Dave #1 overall. Gary changed his mind at the last minute and took Buchert with his 2nd choice, instead of Big John. Skill-wise, it's definitely the correct decision... as Buchert probably should have gone #2 overall. Interesting that Katie took Greg over Robbie at the 5th spot. Both are solid picks, but she definitely took length over girth. JW slipped a little low, so if he plays well he could be the steal of the draft.

Katie is the blue team. Gary is the gray team.

1 - Dave
2 - Chandler
3 - Buchert
4 - Big John
5 - Greg
6 - Reid
7 - Robbie
8 - Tall Mike
9 - Darren
10 - Geoff
11 - JW
12 - Brendan
13 - Mike H.
14 - Gorecki

We also made the match-ups for EACH day. Every year someone asks why we do this in advance, when it might be more "interesting" to make pairings the day before each event. In our first two years we did it the day before... but last year I required captains to make ALL pairings early. The reason is logistics of our leader board system. It's basically too tedious to create and adjust handicaps on the fly, and requires someone to bring a laptop with internet connection assuming it's available (you never know in these accommodations). I also don't really think you need to wait until the last minute. That sort of over-thinking is necessary.

So here are the match-ups:

Day 1 (Four Ball aka: Best Ball)
Katie/Greg vs. Chandler/Robbie
Darren/Tall Mike vs. Buchert/JW
John/Brendan vs. Reid/Geoff
Dave/Mike H. vs. Gary/Gorecki

Day 2 (Chapman aka: Modified Alt-Shot aka: Not a Scramble)
Katie/Darren vs. Chandler/Buchert
Greg/John vs. Gary/Reid
Tall Mike/Dave vs. Robbie/Geoff
Mike H./Brendan vs. JW/Gorecki

Day 3 (Singles aka: Individual Match Play)
Dave vs. Gorecki
Mike H. vs. Robbie
Katie vs. Reid
John vs. Buchert
Greg vs. Gary
Tall Mike vs. JW
Brendan vs. Geoff
Darren vs. Chandler

As always, links to this Rapture and previous events are located on the blog. There is one more handicap revision before we go, so I'll update official handicaps at that time.

I'll be following up with the AirBnb houses soon... but we are NOT staying together as teams this year. Instead, your housemates have been "randomly" pre-selected. If anyone owns an air mattress that they enjoy, I recommend bringing it just in case. You may find yourself sleeping near Darren or Dave, and decide it's quieter on the floor in the bathroom.

House 1
Gary, Chandler, Darren, Katie, Greg, Robbie, John, Reid

House 2
Dave, JW, Buchert, Tall Mike, Brendan, Geoff, Gorecki, Mike H.

If you don't like someone in your house... then be sure to loudly, publicly, and drunkenly proclaim it every chance you get during The Rapture. There is definitely an "airing of grievances" component to the event.

Stay tuned for more information. Start making your predictions now!

DPT Masters - Summer 2017 Recap

We were all surprised to get through yesterday's round without any serious rain, and any stoppage in play. The Palmer Course was in great shape, and turned out to be a fairly easy test for most of the field. Lots of people under par (net).

But Casey played lights out, shooting -11 (net) and winning the season with one event to go. He picked up his 2nd win and first Major. In his last 5 events, he has two 2nds and two wins. Excellent playing! Welcome to the Champions Club, Casey.

Dave and Anthony also put up stellar rounds, tying for 2nd place. And on the other end of the spectrum, Gorecki tied his buddy Steve P. for the worst net score ever recorded at +26.

While there isn't anything left to play for in the season, you can still increase your league stats and win some cash at our final event. The Jamaican Open will be rescheduled for August 13th, at a course I'll announce soon. See you all then!

Updates Coming

Lots of stuff to talk about... so check back often today. First thing:

Our final event will probably be on August 13th. Let's take a week off to let the city dry out from all the rain, and this random tropical storm that popped up today.

If anyone need to be put on the deadbeat list from yesterday... let me know. I wrote down a few things but then I know some of you paid that off before leaving.

Friday, July 28, 2017

STD (Season to Date) Stats

I've printed these out in the past for drafts but I'm concerned about our planet so I'm going paperless this year. These stats are from this season's 7 events and only include league members that are part of the draft. Gorecki's WD is not included, which is really something because those 9 holes would make his numbers even worse. As always, these need to be taken with a grain of salt because not everyone has played in all 7 events. They can still give you a decent idea of recent form.

Number of events:
7 - Chandler & Gary
6 - Mike, Gorecki, Reid, Darren, JW, Brendan
5 - Geoff & John
4 - Katie, Dave, Brian

Points per Event
1. Katie: 171.250
2. Geoff: 147.500
3. Chandler: 143.571
4. Reid: 138.050
5. Gary: 136.300
6. Mike: 101.933
7. Brendan: 92.500
8. Darren: 78.333
9. JW: 55.550
10. John: 55.000
11. Brian: 40.000
12. Dave: 31.650
13. Gorecki: 2.500

Gross Strokes Over Par
1. Chandler: 11.571
2. Gary: 15.714
3. Dave: 16.250
4. Reid: 19.833
5. Darren: 20.500
6. Brian: 21.250
7. John: 22.600
8. Brendan: 24.333
9. Mike: 25.667
10. Katie: 26.250
11. Geoff: 28.400
12. JW: 30.000
13. Gorecki: 35.833

Net Strokes Over Par
1. Katie: (2.250)
2. Chandler: (1.286)
3. Brendan: 1.333
4. Reid: 1.500
5. Gary: 2.143
T6. Mike: 2.333
T6. JW: 2.333
8. Geoff: 2.400
9. Darren: 2.500
10. John: 3.400
11. Dave: 7.250
12. Brian: 8.000
13. Gorecki: 9.833

Pars or Better
1. Chandler: 52.381%
2. Gary: 46.032%
3. Dave: 43.056%
4. Brian: 33.333%
5. John: 31.111%
6. Reid: 29.630%
7. Mike: 27.778%
8. Brendan: 22.222%
9. Katie: 20.833%
10. Darren: 20.370%
11. JW: 17.593%
12. Geoff: 16.667%
13. Gorecki: 9.259%

1. Darren: 52.778%
2. Brendan: 40.741%
3. Reid: 38.889%
4. Geoff: 36.667%
5. John: 35.556%
T6. Dave: 34.722%
T6. Brian: 34.722%
8. JW: 34.259%
9. Katie: 33.333%
10. Mike: 32.407%
T11. Chandler: 30.952%
T11. Gary: 30.952%
13. Gorecki: 25.000%

Others (Doubles or worse)
1. Chandler: 16.667%
2. Dave: 22.222%
3. Gary: 23.016%
4. Darren: 26.852%
5. Reid: 31.481%
6. Brian: 31.944%
7. John: 33.333%
8. Brendan: 37.037%
9. Mike: 39.815%
10. Katie: 45.833%
11. Geoff: 46.667%
12. JW: 48.148%
13. Gorecki: 65.741%

Par 3 Scoring Average
T1. Gary: 3.750
T1. Reid: 3.750
3. John: 3.800
4. Chandler: 3.821
5. Mike: 4.000
6. Brendan: 4.042
7. Geoff: 4.050
8. Brian: 4.063
9. Katie: 4.125
10. Darren: 4.167
11. Dave: 4.250
12. JW: 4.500
13. Gorecki: 5.083

Par 4 Scoring Average
1. Chandler: 4.681
2. Dave: 4.805
3. Gary: 4.875
4. John: 5.173
5. Darren: 5.258
6. Reid: 5.274
7. Brendan: 5.410
8. Brian: 5.488
9. Mike: 5.548
10. JW: 5.645
11. Geoff: 5.712
12. Katie: 5.829
13. Gorecki: 5.968

Par 5 Scoring Average
1. Chandler: 5.346
2. Brian: 5.467
3. Darren: 5.773
T4. Dave: 5.800
T4. Katie: 5.800
T6. Reid: 6.000
T6. Gary: 6.000
8. Brendan: 6.522
9. Mike: 6.545
10. Geoff: 6.778
11. JW: 6.909
12. Gorecki: 6.955
13. John: 7.000

Rapture Mock Draft - Chandler's Picks

I attempted to make this a comment on JW's mock draft... because I didn't want to push his down the blog. It's way funnier than mine, despite my effort to not mail this in. However, Blogger now has a 4,096 character limit on comments, which I swear didn't exist back in the day. Fuck it... new post it is. Sorry, Dub.

JW's picks are pretty accurate. However, maybe not in that exact order. So here we go, with much less entertaining commentary:

1-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Dave Harrington
Best all around golfer in the league, so Katie makes her first selection with her head, and not her other parts. Dave has the most points in Rapture history, as well as the best point % for those playing more than one event. And keeping in line with Katie's theme, Dave loves plants. Specifically trees.

1-2 The Garyatrics - John Webermeier
John has the best hands in the league. Strong off the tee, yet soft and gentle around the greens. His handicap has plummeted about 8 strokes this calendar year alone, so John's dominance is coming to an end. But he's really shaved off the number of terrible shots per round, which makes him a valuable Rapture teammate.

2-1 The Garyatrics  - Chandler Brown
Probably a Jack Reacher in this spot, as Chandler was the #1 overall pick last year and proceeded to only score one point (still 29% of the team's total). On the plus side, Chandler should be able prevent Gary from playing some modified scramble format in Round 2. But this pick runs the risk of Chandler getting drunk, and giving a sermon to Gorecki (an inevitable teammate) about how he's not going to get into Heaven because he cheats at golf and can't count. Fighting the Good Fight may lead to team dysfunction... but are you not entertained?

2-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Robbie Wilson
Party Bear is a homer pick for Katie. But it's not a bad selection, as Robbie destroys the ball and his short game is solid. Handicaps are overrated in The Rapture, so no need to worry about the slightly skewed index. Mr. Wilson (who honestly should be using Wilson clubs and balls) is going to score some points.

3-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Brian Buchert
Buchert only metaphorically falls into Katie's lap in Round 2, but she'll jump at the opportunity to have another all around good golfer on her team. Brian's downside is he might unexpectedly change from the stoic Perry Mason to the disheveled Saul Goodman at night. Definitely worth the risk, and he would have been picked one spot earlier if not for Katie attempting to quell WAGs fears.

3-2 The Garyatrics  - Greg Gleason
At this point, Gary's team lacks firepower. And Katie's team has 4 of the longest hitters in the event (including herself from the Red tees... which is going to be deadly on alternate shot). Gary desperately needs a bomber, and Greg is the longest still available. Sure, he's wild off the tee at times, but he really won't need to hit driver. As long as he stays away from the poison ivy, he's a good value.

4-1 The Garyatrics  - Robert Reid
Much like the previous selection, Gary is going with length over girth. We all know Reid has the ability to manufacture clubhead speed. But can he keep the ball on the course? And can he play smart golf on the shorter holes? Reid posted a legit 76 on the Old Course at St. Andrews, while playing with Gorecki. So perhaps he can skype his caddie and recreate some of that magic. "Finish the swing."

4-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Mike Oostenbrink
Let's review Katie's current Buds: drunken Irishman, Party Bear, Beau-chert... might as well add the ultimate Wild Card: Tall Moostie. Nobody knows what kind of golfer he'll be, and he scored 1, 2 and 1 points in the first three Raptures. But he has pills so he belongs on this team.

5-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - JW Ferguson
Katie falls for JW's hype, about himself, and how he's never lost The Rapture. But honestly, he's a solid pick in this spot based on his play since Scotland Golf Camp. Dub is improving at a rate that should make him competitive for the DPT Cup in 2018... only to be derailed by childbirth later this year. He'll make the most of the weekend and play well, knowing life is about to get shitty. Literally. Since he's gonna change a lot of diapers.

5-2 The Garyatrics  - Darren Broom
Gary will consider this the steal of the draft, but that might be a false memory. Darren suffers from "The Drip." He also has a sweating problem. And The Baron has turned into The Barren as he hasn't won an event since April of 2016. His Rapture record sucks as well. If Darren wants to turn things around, he first needs to memorize the location of the bathrooms in the rental house.

6-1 The Garyatrics  - Geoff Leighly
Geoff might actually be a steal in this spot. A good Rapture record, and he recently won a league event. His handicap has started to drop for the first time ever, so he's improving. You always know what you're getting with Geoff. And sometimes that's better than a Wild Card.

6-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Brendan Donoghue
One of these days Brendan is going to have another -16 (net) performance. Ol' Double Chip has been better lately, so I assume his hat is giving him confidence. Whatever works. He'll probably score a point, which is on par with previous Raptures.

7-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Mike Hauch
New Mike has been very busy lately, burying cash in his backyard so his girlfriend doesn't find it. Hopefully he remembers all the secret locations, because there's 20 days remaining and he's the only deadbeat. But assuming he pays, his handicap is too low for anyone to take him sooner. Doesn't mean he'll be a bust. I actually expect him to score at least two points (out of 3). But as the most unknown new guy, he slips to round 7.

7-2 The Garyatrics  - Mike Gorecki
Mr. Irrelevant has ghosted from the blog recently. His last post was in April, and his last comment was in June before the Scotland trip. He didn't even attempt to correct JW, by pointing out he was NOT the last pick in the first Rapture. Has he been busy installing pool pumps near OB markers? No... he's just lurking in the background assuming we will quit talking about him if he stays quiet. But the Good Fight doesn't work like that. Silence does not bring about change. Learning to correctly count to 10 brings about change.
Anyway, by the time we leave for Inverness, Gorecki's handicap index will be the highest in the league. He's played 117 holes at the time of this writing, and has 10 pars. Zero pars in his previous 47 holes! If Gorecki scores even a half point this year, Gary should consider that a huge victory.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Rapture Mock Draft

Good afternoon fellow and aspiring DPT League Members! With the poor blog activity lately, I figured I'd throw a quick post together about my favorite league event: The Rapture. Since we have one of the best weekends of the year coming up in only three weeks and the draft coming up on Sunday, I thought I'd put together a mock draft to help Katie and Gary think through their picks.

It'll be the only Rapture most of y'all will be chosen for since the majority of league members are heathens. Even if I didn't actually qualify for this one, at least I know I'll be good when Jesus comes back with his horses.

1-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Brian Buchert

Buchert sits tied with Geoff atop Dub's Rapture Rankings (DRR) and his team is undefeated in his three appearances. Although prone to spilling Gatorade on couches and/or bleeding from the head, Brian is a solid first pick. Mostly, though, Katie just wants to make sure he'll be riding in her cart all weekend.

1-2 Gary's Glasses - John Webermeier 

Big John goes second so Gary can ensure no one tries to fight him when he inevitably does something untoward at the bar on Friday or Saturday night. The MVP of the Scotland trip, Big John will provide change in whichever currency you desire and has lots of stories about South Africa. Despite sitting low in the DRR, John's game is solid right now.

2-1 Gary's Glasses - Chandler Brown

After seeing the chemistry between the Goreckis and those magical rounds on the Old Course, Gary is going to try to recreate the father/son mojo with the Brown clan. Expect a ton of gimmes in the rounds these two play together, as it is the father's right to give 15 footers for par. I think that's the 15th rule of golf, but I'm not sure since only the Gorecki's snuck off to see them at Muirfield.

2-2 Katie's Boy Toys - David Harrington

Katie wants the long hitters on her team, even if Dave is playing well above his handicap right now. She also knows Dave will have plenty of snacks, Magner's, and sunscreen in case anyone else forgets.
3-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Greg Gleason 

More long hitters. It's like a train of them. The first unofficial league member to be taken, Greg has the ability to play up to the competition. He also has the ability to play like Gorecki and almost hit people. Katie's banking on the good parts of his game shining through in August.

3-2 Gary's Glasses - Darren Broom

Gary's going for consistency here: consistency of putts, approaches, and drips. Darren's game plays well until he runs out of cigarettes and the hangover hits Sunday morning. Sitting low in the DRR, this is more of a skill pick than a past performance pick. Gary must think he can match him up with a player that has attributes that mesh well with Drippy. Like owning a towel company.

4-1 Gary's Glasses - Geoff Leighly 

Speaking of consistency, Geoff's handicap is consistently high. I know this because I often have to say "I'm the worst player in the league other than Gorecki," but sometimes, now for example, I get to say the second worst because I sneak ahead of Geoff. Ranked atop the DRR, this is a solid pick. Perhaps he'll bring an extra towel and pair with Darren over the weekend? Also, Geoff is one of three players to never be on the losing team in this event.

4-2 Katie's Boy Toys - Robbie Wilson 

I'd been talking to Robbie about joining for some time now, but it was Katie that finally pushed him into the league. Robbie's handicap is pretty low right now, but he can put up scores as consistent as his haircut. Party Robot will be able to handle the rigors of the drinking regimen easily, too.

5-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Mike Oostenbrink

The last past champion off the board, Katie will be hoping Tall Mike can recapture his 2016 form. Tall Mike is in the middle of the pack in the DRR, although before he was a captain last year he performed pretty well in the event. He's clearly not a great leader with his team falling by the largest margin in event history last year.

5-2 Gary's Glasses - J.W. Ferguson, II

Gary would like his team's victory recorded with style, so he's picking his favorite blog contributor. He's probably also referenced the DRR and seen that this is an absolute steal this late in the draft. The only three time champion of the Rapture, Dub's the best teammate you can possibly have. Hell, he won alternate shot with Gorecki last year! Gorecki! Unfortunately for Gary, Dub's handicap has slipped a little too low to be truly valuable, but maybe he can scrap some shots and help a teammate win on one of the first two days.

6-1 Gary's Glasses - Robert Reid

By this point in the draft, Reid will be sulking in the corner because he hasn't been picked yet. He needs to know which color midriff shirt to buy and this delay is making him really antsy. Reid's best attribute for Gary's team will be his eyesight and ball hunting prowess since his captain can't see.

6-2 Katie's Boy Toys - Mike Hauch

Katie wants to bring some more youth to the team, so she's going uber-millenial with this pick, assuming he finally pays Chandler. With the second lowest handicap of the competition, Mike is going to need to make some big shots to win.

7-1 Katie's Boy Toys - hmmm.. who did I forget... OH!! Brendan Donoghue

I knew there would be 7 rounds and that Gorecki would go last, but I got this point and ran out of people. Then I remembered that new guy Brendan. Nice guy, and if we knew more about him I'm sure he'd have been picked higher.

7-2 Gary's Glasses - Mike Gorecki

Gorecki has gone last in every draft thus far, and it won't change this year. He'll surely be paired with Dub in alternate shot again, so maybe he can get one point this year. Gorecki's biggest weapon is his golf ball, which can hit people.

There you have it, folks. It'll be Katie, Buchert, Dave, Greg, Robbie, Tall Mike, Mike Ho, and Brendan against Gary, Big John, Chandler, Darren, Geoff, Dub, Reid, and Gorecki. Smart pick is Gary's team since he was wise enough to draft the only three time champ.

Feel free to duff some of your own picks. Looking forward to Sunday.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Schedule Update

Pebble Creek was flooded as expected, but we were getting through the round just fine until the lightning hit. By then the additional 1 hour delay, along with more rain, didn't make playing feasible... especially with The Open on TV. It's only our 3rd rain-out in history, so thanks for everyone being patient and hanging out. The bar was quite enjoyable.

New Tampa courses are going to be off-limits from here on out during the summer seasons. It just doesn't make sense to play ANYWHERE up there when we are surrounded by better options that drain. Westchase area is in the same boat during the rainy months.

Next week will be a Major in Orlando (Reunion). Tee time is 10:20am, and fee is $70 after tax. Again... we are under contract, so if you bail you will probably be liable for the fee.

The time for backing out has long past. And the time for backing out of The Rapture on August 18th, 19th and 20th (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) has DEFINITELY past. Everyone committed to that back in March, over 4 months ago, and houses have been booked.

The plan is to play our final week (Jamaican Open) on Sunday, August 6th at a course TBD. Go fill out your availability on the registration form for the 6th and 13th. Based on the standings after next week, we will do our best to accommodate anyone still in the running for the DPT Cup.


Rapture draft will still be held at Ale House after next week. The captains better be ready to draft AND order their players for ALL three rounds. We've done this before so there should be plenty of people there to help.

See you then, and hopefully it stops raining this week.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

DPT Masters - July 30th - Reunion Resort Orlando

We are under contract, and I need to give a guaranteed number of players to Reunion this weekend. If anyone who says they're IN fails to show up, I could personally be charged your fee.

As of now, we have 15 members who are IN... 2 future members (Mike H and Robbie)... and 2 guests: Crum and Tony F. Austin (19 total). I'll send them the final number this weekend.

If you're going to bail, do so now.

If you bail the week of and I'm charged... you will find yourself on the deadbeat list with any future earnings deducted until debt is paid.


We also need to draft for the Rapture. MOST of the league will be at Reunion, but obviously only the captains matter. Here are the two options:

1) Head to Ale House next to Reunion for lunch after our round and hold the draft there.

2) Meet up at a bar the first two weekends of August.

Again, the captains vote is all that matters, so hopefully they're able to have the draft after Reunion.

As for Rapture payments, only Reid and Mike H. are deadbeats. Get your $160 payments in!

Jamaican Open - Preview

Wagwan, piff tings.

We're headed back to Pebble Creek for the 5th time in league history. It's a very, very flawed course... and the 2nd most difficult in our history of courses played 3 or more times. Median NET score to par is a ghastly +5.5, with an average NET score of +7.5!

In 29 member rounds at Pebble Creek, only THREE have been under par net. Savage. Six have been pitchers!

I enjoy a good slaughter, so this should be a pretty fun leader board to watch.

Below is the scorecard. Everyone is on WHITE unless they tell me before Saturday. Keep in mind it's a par 71, so add 150-200 yards to the stated distance for an adjusted number.

Moving from WHITE to BLUE will give you at least 2 bonus strokes.

Remember to wear the correct color shirt. The prospective guys are exempt, but the rest of you have no excuse. Tee time is 9am, see you there.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mailbag #2 - July 2017

JW spammed an unused social media account with questions, and Gary submitted his AFTER the last mailbag. So here's a bonus mailbag:

What are your options for dropping a ball after it goes into a YELLOW or a RED hazard? -Gary

This comes up once a year, and I'm guilty of getting these wrong. So let's revisit:

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to hit from the previous spot for one penalty stroke.

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to go where the ball last crossed the hazard, and drop as far back as you want keeping the entry point between you and the hole, with one penalty stroke.

RED stakes (lateral hazards) allow you to drop two club lengths from the point where it last crossed the hazard line. No closer to the hole. One stroke penalty.

Dropping along the "flight of the ball" is not a real thing! How the ball got into the hazard doesn't matter. Also, think about most red (lateral) hazards. Many of them are on the side, so you physically CAN'T drop further back while keeping the point of entry between you and the hole.

There's a 4th option allowing you to go to the other side of the hazard... but don't worry about that choice. It's rarely applicable.

(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole

(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole
(3) Hit two club lengths from spot ball crossed hazard, no closer to hole
(4) Mysterious 4th option I don't want to get into, yet.

That's the list. The below diagram shows two balls going into a hazard on a par 3, with stars marking each point of entry. Appropriate places to drop are numbered, and correlate with the above lists.

You can see why option 2 doesn't make sense for the orange ball, especially if the hazard was a wooded area. Mysterious option 4 might work... if you can even get over there. When the pros choose this option it's a huge debacle and takes forever since their caddies don't have distances and they have to walk. Rarely happens.

When Tiger Woods cheated at the 2013 Masters 15th hole (and didn't get DQ'd for some reason), he combined options 1 and 2. Honestly, he probably just confused the rules. But he went back to the previous spot (1) and then moved back a couple of yards keeping that spot between him and the hole (2-ish). If he wanted to use option 2, he needed to keep the spot where the ball crossed the water between him and the hole, not his previous location.

Next mailbag I'll talk about unplayable lies and obstructions like cart paths. For now, just attempt to digest the above information so you can help others.


These are from JW:

Why are you on Instagram?
Some redneck high school kid from NC named "Chandler Brown" used my email address to make an account. I kept deleting it, but he was able to sign back up each time. He loves hunting and would post deer pics and whatnot. So I reset his password and put up a ton of pro-PETA pics... like "Meat is Murder" kinda stuff. Somehow he was always able to recover the account without actually getting the password reset emails. Instagram is apparently NOT very secure. So this went on for awhile, and I kept posting weirder shit, and tagging his friends. He finally gave up and/or figured out his real email address.

Why not make it a league Instagram account?
We're not big enough for anyone to care. I did make a "league" twitter account so I could follow the haps on the PGA Tour. Faz convinced me it was worth it, and it's pretty dope. So it really has nothing to do with our league, but all of our posts are automatically uploaded there for the world to ignore.

What's your favorite color?
Blue. But I like my tees White.

Do you actually enjoy running this league?
Running the league is tedious at times and it feels like herding cats. But going back to just causal weekend games would suck. Leagues are the future.

Can you rank your favorite league members?
Like a "MySpace Top 10?" I am my favorite league member. The rest of you are OK, but some are more fun at bars than others. John was the MVP of the Scotland trip though.

Can you spell Tall Mike's last name without looking it up?
Oostenbrink. Typed it out way too many times. Should just start using "Moostie."

How many times do I have to jerk my putter before it starts working?
The proper amount of putter jerks requires trial and error, but clean it first. And be careful not to make your putter shaft raw. And if you jerk it a bunch of times and still miss the putt, question whether or not the jerking is necessary. Maybe switch your pre-shot routine to something a bit quicker.

Send me questions. These posts will continue until we get more diversified content from other league members.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Memorial - Summer 2017 Recap

The Memorial is a time to... remember things. Like Brendan... I vaguely remember he's been in the league for awhile. And Faz... remember Faz? He showed up yesterday and played some great golf. Definitely a "turn back the clock" moment!

Although they tied for first, Brendan and Faz broke streaks of 27 and 22 tournaments without a victory. It was their 2nd and 12th win, respectively.

The course was in good shape, especially for this time of year. Challenging off the tee, as Casey and Gary struggled to keep the ball in the short stuff.

Casey did sneak into the points, which could prove huge in the final two weeks. We now have a log-jam in the standings, with about 6 guys (Geoff and up) realistically still in the running for the Cup. Anthony and Gorecki are officially eliminated, and Troy moves to Texas this weekend so he's out as well. Amazing season by him though, and we'll be holding a spot for his return in a year.


This week is the Jamaican Open at Reid's home course: Pebble Creek. Tee time is 9am, and they don't have a range. Also, hope for dry conditions this week as Pebble can quickly turn into a cart path only mess.

As a reminder... you must wear Jamaican colors this weekend, or pay $2 to The Man (Reid). Green, black and/or yellow shirts.

I'll get the scorecard posted soon.


The following photo from yesterday was submitted by JW for analysis. He hit a ball near OB, and proceeded to hit a provisional in accordance with our rules. This is a picture of his original tee shot:

JW's ball is circled in red. In order to determine if it was "IN" or "OUT," he first stood behind the nearest stake to his ball. He then glanced right, triangulating his position with a pool pump (pink lines). Seeing that Gorecki was hiding behind the pool pump, JW concluded this would not be the correct line. So he found the stake on the other side, and judged if his ball was to the right of the hypothetical line between those two points (black line). After consulting with Greg, it was determined to be OUT, and JW played his 4th shot from the provisional ball.

Excellent application of the rules by JW!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Countryside Scorecard

Alright, party people. Here's the scorecard for The Memorial. I've played this course a few times, and it's not easy despite the ability to play it short. Especially if it's wet out there.

I imagine there will be a handful of people who want to move back to the Blue tees. So if you want to do so, LET ME KNOW ASAP!

Moving from Whites to Blues gets you at least 2 strokes (probably 3) and moving to Golds gets you at least 4 strokes.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Mailbag #1 - July 2017

Our first ever mailbag! I get a lot of questions each week, so I might as well share my answers to the league! Apparently my request for submissions was picked up on the internets, as I got a bunch of inquiries from non-members all over the globe. Let's get to it:


Do I get free relief from an embedded ball in the rough? -Brendan

YES! DPT Rule P-10 allows this! However you can't be in a hazard, and you need to drop (not place) the ball after you remove it. You also can't clean it if you're in the rough. Just pull it out, drop it, and hit it.

I should note this is NOT an official rule of golf, per the USGA. It's a "local rule" for our club. The USGA only allows free relief in "closely-mown areas" like fairways, greens, tee boxes etc. The PGA Tour, however, allows free relief in the rough. And I adopted their version because conditions are soft most of the year in Florida. You guys need all the help you can get.


If I hit my first tee shot OB, then I hit a second tee shot OB, and then I decide to drop near the 2nd OB ball, what shot am I hitting? Also, could I just decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot and just drop from the original OB ball? If so, what am I hitting? -Dave

Lots to digest here, David. Whenever you think your ball is OB, you should hit a provisional (Rule P-8). This applies to all shots, not just tee shots. If you fail to do so and discover your ball is OB, you CAN drop there if you want for a two stroke penalty (Rule P-8.1). Or you can go back and hit from the previous spot with a one stroke penalty.

Hitting two tee shots OB and then deciding to drop where the 2nd ball went OB... you're now hitting 6, and should probably just pick up for the max.

If you think your first ball is not OB, you COULD decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot. If you discover it actually is OB, you may drop and hit 4 from that spot. But anything that is KNOWN to be OB requires a provisional.

You NEVER get to take a one stroke penalty as if you went into a hazard or lake. OB is NOT a hazard or lake. Until the USGA says otherwise... OB is different. Gorecki has been struggling with this concept since 2012, and doesn't think "stroke and distance" is a real thing.

Oh... once you hit a provisional, you can't ignore it. So if your 2nd tee shot also goes OB, you don't get to say: "I'll just drop here hitting 4, forget about my provisional." That would make you a cheater. Because if you piped your 2nd ball down the fairway, you sure as shit would want to play it from there hitting 4.


Which is the more Gorecki move: Owing a pitcher after only playing 9 holes or quitting early so he didn't end up owing 3 pitchers? -Geoff

Definitely owing one after 9 holes, since it was halfway to owing a 2nd. And his 64 on the front nine was really a 66, but Dave got tired of correcting his score and teaching him the rules, so he said: "Fuck it, just tell me what you want me to write down from here on." It takes a lot to get Dave flustered, but Tragic Mike figured out a way.

Leaving at the turn was also due to a work meeting that he was probably going to miss thanks to a 4.5 hour pace of play as the first group out.


Before I hit my next shot, can you tell me if I'm hitting 5 or 6? -@PiCannon - via Twitter

Without a doubt... 6. In fact, make it 7 just to be safe. Now fire those cannons, before ze Germans get here!


This guy in my league really annoys me. I can't stand his [voice/comments/face/etc...]. Would you ever boot him or at least make a rule that nobody with his birthday is allowed to be in the league? -Harry Hans, Wolfsburg, Germany - via Snapchat

Too late, ze Germans are here.

Greetings, Mr. Hans! Thanks for your question. You know a league has reached the next level when there are people who annoy you. On the PGA Tour, most players can't stand Bubba or Sabbatini... but it's part of the "spice of life" that is variety! I realize it's common practice for Germans to just boot whoever they dislike, but we can't really do that. I also wouldn't make arbitrary rules, completely void of structure, in order to purify our player pool. Mainly, I'm afraid the precedent would be later used against me since I'm pretty annoying (especially on the golf course)!

Nothing works better than social pressure, so if you really think action is required... publicly speak up. Don't expect your League Führer to fight your personal battles. I'm guessing he's already pretty outspoken and says the things most of your fellow members are afraid to say out loud. Be the change you want to see in your league!


Hello DPT! First time reader, first time emailer! My ball was near the OB line. It might be considered "out," but one of the stakes fell down toward a house. Is the OB line where the stake used to be, or where the top of the stake now rests? Also, if both my playing partners agree it's OB, can I still make the case it's NOT out of bounds? What if I stare at the ball long enough scratching my head? And what about the white hose/PVC pipe running from a nearby pool? Since it's white... can't I say that's the actual OB marker and thus my ball is now playable?

Let's visualize what you're asking with the diagram below:

There are three lines on this image:
Black - The OB line as set up by the course.
Orange - The OB line you want to use, based on the top of a fallen stake.
Pink - The OB line using a pool pump... because... fuck logic.

While I understand you feel God finally did something positive in your life by knocking over a white OB stake... just stop wasting everyone's time. It shouldn't take your playing partners to determine if the ball is OB. But now that they've weighed in... respect the decision and move on.

OB markers are not moveable. You're not even allowed to move them in order to hit your ball. So if a marker fell over, and you can clearly determine where it was originally... that's the line. Stand it back up, and compare with the marker on the other side of your ball. Don't look at other white objects, don't make excuses, take the "stroke and distance" penalty and play better. The rules are cut and dry, and you're probably not good enough to care about a two stroke penalty.


My playing partner can't count. He constantly gets his score wrong at the end of each hole, and then argues when I correct him. How would you fix this issue?  -@MrPotadoughHead - via Twitter

Everyone makes mistakes, so you don't want to jump to conclusions and assume cheating. When someone is having a bad day, perhaps they're so frustrated they forgot a chunked chip or incorrectly counted their "stroke and distance" penalty after hitting OB. But in order to protect the field and your league, you should 100% speak up and ask for a recount. If you know for certain they are wrong, just explain your case.

If YOU are the one being questioned, don't get angry and take it personally. Just recount your shots and come to a conclusion.

I always correct people when I think they're wrong. But once in awhile... I'm mistaken. It's really embarrassing to speak up and ultimately look like an asshole. However, if we don't police ourselves, then we'll turn into a dysfunctional league playing for old frozen sausages. Getting your score correct is the most important thing in golf, and also the easiest.

Now what if we had someone who constantly seemed to miscount? Our league has a double-par max, so you only have to count to 10. And if you have trouble counting to 10, or can't seem to remember how OB works... then only two things are possible: 1) you're cheating or 2) you're retarded developmentally disabled.

Conscious cheaters will be kicked out of the league. But retardation developmental disability needs a more delicate solution. The golfer in question would find that I'm "randomly" paired with them every week (and riding in their cart). We'd become really close friends, as I'd graciously offer to help search for every lost ball near OB. I'd also become very interested in their round, almost as if I was their biggest fan. At the end of every hole I'd eagerly await to see if the score they tell me matches what I witnessed. If it didn't, I'd let them know they're mistaken and see if they're able to discover the error.

If it's an innocent mistake, I imagine the frequency of wrong scores would quickly decline. However, if mistakes continue, I'd begin loudly proclaiming to the group that "------- is about to play his X shot!" before every swing. When we arrive at the green, I'd announce something like: "------- hit one off the tee, two into the woods, lost ball drop three, fourth back into the fairway, fifth on the green and now putting for six!" No need for the player in question to even count. Once I get tired of babysitting, we'll give the player one last chance until he gets booted.


Who goes to a deeper circle of Hell? The golfer who cheats and lies about his score, or the one who won't shut up about himself during a round?  -A member who wishes to remain anonymous

What about people who don't sign their names on burn notices?

Anyway, it's been a long while since I've attempted to read Dante's Inferno. But let's see...

Golf cheaters and liars would be in the eighth circle (Malebolge), and in the tenth Bolgia with the Falsifiers. Within that Bolgia there are actually four categories of Falsifiers. We'd find said cheaters (ie: Lexi Thompson) in the fourth class of Perjurers. Everyone down there suffers from various diseases, rashes, fevers and are prone to randomly ripping each other apart.

Golfers who can't stop talking about themselves would be classified as committing the sin of pride. However, vanity and pride are curiously missing from Inferno. It's only implied that pride can lead to treachery, which would put you in the 9th circle, frozen in ice and within a pitching wedge of Satan.

So to answer your question, cheating and lying about golf puts you in a deeper circle of Hell. Vain and prideful golfers are just annoying and should be publicly shamed in order to bring about change.


That's the end of our first mailbag! Keep your questions coming in and we'll do another one eventually!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Summer 2017 Match Play Recap

Waterlefe lived up to the hype as a great test of golf. Even with a 30 minute rain delay, the course was in good shape and fair challenge. Also, for some reason, the pace of play on the back nine sped up a TON. Great job by everyone for making that happen!

Reid had it locked up at -6, until he blew up on holes 7 through 10. Casey looked to be in position to get his first win until he made a 10 on 10. Chandler (yep, that's me) got to -3 and was going to run away with it until making three doubles in a row on the back. JW easily had it won until an 8 on 17.

It was probably the most lead changes I've ever seen late in a tournament. When the dust settled, Reid and Casey tied for the victory. For Reid, it snapped what I believe was the longest active winless streak. And Casey finally got a win after 13 events, and two 2nd places in a row. Sure, it might be a tie... but it still counts as far as our records are concerned. Congrats, guys.

For as difficult as Waterlefe was, only one guy owed a pitcher for sucking at golf. Gorecki was +15 at the turn and decided to go home. His WD probably avoided an actual +39... so you can look at it in one of two ways: 1) lame he didn't finish what he started 2) the guy knows when it's time to quit. However, option 2 can't really be true because he still plays the game of golf.

Dave handed Gorecki the 2nd biggest beat down in Match Play history. At the same time, Buchert destroyed Dave. Casey stomped Chandler. John beat Brendan soundly. Gary beat Troy, but they also screwed up their card and thought the match went to the last hole (it didn't). Finally, Darren and Reid beat JW and Moosten 1up.

As far as picks are concerned, Brendan (one of the new guys) lost with only 9 points. He owes everyone a pitcher. Even those who didn't play yesterday. Free beer on the new guy!


This week we finally play in Pinellas at Countryside Country Club. It's a private club, so try to behave. Tee time is 8:49am, on Bay and Lake. We didn't play "Lake" when we tested this course out last September. We are also 0-2 on trying to play this course without it being flooded. So if we strike out this week I'm going to retire it.

Gorecki did submit a list of courses with quotes, and Countryside was one of his options. So thanks to him for taking the time to reach out to golf directors and help the process. He deserves all the shit I give him... but any time someone helps it's appreciated.


Later this week I'm going to reach into the ol' mailbag, and answer questions on rules and other stuff. So if you want to submit a question... hit me up on my various forms of media. You can be lazy and just write a question in the comments, but that might spoil the fun.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Match Play - Pairings Shakeup

Geoff had to gorecki this week due to his kids. So we're going to re-order the pairings. Why? Because it's the right thing to do with how the bonus points affect standings.

If you're going to have an anomaly, you want that down in the bottom with the guys that are basically out of it. So... re-submit picks if you want in on the bonus pitcher.

New pairings are as follows:

Troy (9) vs. Gary
Chandler vs. Casey (6)
Tall Mike (4) vs. Reid
Darren vs. JW (8)
Brendan (3) vs. John
Gorecki (13) vs. Dave
Buchert (3) vs Dave*

Anyway, I'd apologize for the changes... but this is what happens when people gorecki. At least this time it was someone who basically never bails last minute.

See you down there!

*We've done this before when there is an odd number of people. Basically, winner of the Gorecki vs. Dave match gets 100 points. HOWEVER, Dave also plays Buchert. If Buchert wins, he gets 100 points. If Dave wins, he basically stops Buchert from earning points. Cellar Life. It's crazy.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Summer 2017 - Midseason Report

It's been awhile since I've rambled on about league happenings, and things you should already know.

New Member Update
We're going to be really close to our 24-member cap after this season. A few things are about to happen when we get there: 1) Prospective members will be on a waiting list 2) Prospective members will be subject to member approval and 3) League rules are really going to tighten up.

This is not some uber-exclusive, sadist plan on my part. It's merely a numbers game where the more members we have, the amount of time it takes to manage the league exponentially increases. Until we get some technology built (custom or otherwise), we'll need to limit our membership. Remember, I make exactly $0.00 running the league, because I don't really enjoy making money off my friends. But that doesn't mean I don't value my time. I'm just a nice, selfless guy.

So if anyone out there knows someone with experience of out-sourcing web and app development to India/Philippines, maybe we can get some custom league management software created.

In the queue for next season we have:
Robbie - sponsored by JW and Katie - Has 6 events with us and should log enough rounds for a fair handicap before 2018. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Mike H. - sponsored by Dave - Played 3 events so far with the league, but has a bunch of rounds logged from GolfShot. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Greg - sponsored by Katie - Only 2 rounds with the league, so needs more ASAP. Plans to play the final weeks of this season. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture, if Anthony is out.

Piccos - sponsored by JW - Attending his first event at Waterlefe. Will need a bunch of off-season rounds to start in Spring 2018.

Rules Reminders
This is for the new people, but can't hurt to remind the veterans. We love rules, but these are the most common:

- "Lift, Clean and Cheat Place" is always allowed for any ball in the fairway (Rule P-11). But you can't do this in the rough or hazards. Don't pick up your ball in the rough, clean off mud, place back down on a nicer lie, and then try to tell me you were "identifying it." Yes, this actually happened.

- If your ball is in an un-raked footprint or in a bunker of disrepair (ie: every bunker at Heritage Harbor), pick it up... rake the spot... place it back down (Rule P-9). HOWEVER, if your ball is plugged you need to leave it plugged. It's a one stroke penalty to un-plug a ball, as an "unplayable lie."

- If ONE person of your group says your 6-inch putt isn't good... you need to putt it (Rule P-12). There are technically no "gimmies." You also have the right to make anyone in your group putt out, but you must speak up!

- Out of bounds requires a provisional... or a two-stroke penalty (Rule P-8 & 8.1).

Be sure to ask if you have any questions!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

St. Andrews Old Course - The Face Hole

The 17th at St. Andrews Old Course is one of the most famous holes in the world. It's named "The Road Hole" due to the road that runs behind the insanely shallow and elevated green. The dirt path and tarmac road are in play, and you do not get free relief from either surface. Nor do you get a free drop away from the stone wall on the other side of the road.

The green is also protected by a deep bunker, which is extremely difficult for golfers of all skill levels. And there's a blind tee shot over two railway sheds and the courtyard of a hotel. Basically... it's the most tricked-up hole in golf.

So how do you think Gorecki played it with his 23.6 handicap? The handicap limit was 24.0 so he was technically allowed to be there... if you believe that 8 of the 10 rounds used in his index were played in Orlando without member verification. And a few of those were solo rounds, which are banned for handicap purposes by the USGA. But whatever... I'm not a conspiracy theorist so let's all agree he is a good enough golfer to play The Old Course.

Here's the "ShotLink" map of his first time on #17, with explanations below:

1) Off the toe dead right, barely clearing the sheds and presumably landing in the pond next to the hotel. Because our group had been "out of position" since hole 9, the Ranger was standing at the corner of the wall watching all of us play. Oh well, reload!

Ball highlighted. Heading right. Ranger in blue at the corner of the wall.

2) Penalty stroke, ball back on the tee.

3) After a mighty lash, we watch in horror as the ball is topped and rumbles about 70 yards into some medium fescue. Welp... at least it's away from the hotel and his next shot won't be blind.

4) The fescue fights back, grabbing his chunked iron and only allowing the ball to travel 20 yards. It's still in the fescue, but we're making progress. We might finish the round before 11pm sunset (it's about 2:40pm at this point).

5) Gorecki's over-the-top hack produces a pull to the left. It's not moving very fast, but his ball took dead aim at an elderly Australian man 95 yards away (playing the 2nd hole and waiting for Mike to pass). His teenage caddie literally dove out of the way, ruining any chance of joining the Secret Service later in life. The Aussie sees it coming, but couldn't bring his aging body to dodge the projectile. He contorts like a velociraptor and gets nailed in the collar bone. The ball ricochets up into his jaw and drops down to the ground. Fatality.

Golf courses are pretty quiet in general, but there are now about 20 people standing within 50 yards of the incident just dumbfounded. The Aussie starts mumbling about being hit in the jaw, and he's clutching his face. Nobody really runs to his aid... the Ranger slowly walked over. All of us knew that he wasn't hit very hard, we just didn't know how much of an asshole he was going to be about it. Myself, John and Gary all found the fairway with our drives, but we didn't want to hit our 2nd shots while an international incident was taking place behind us.

Gorecki went up to the man and apologized. He asked if he needed medical attention and offered to pay for any treatment, meals or beers. I snap the most amazing photo of my short journalistic career... resulting in my caddie saying: "I can't believe you took a picture of that." I told him that it needed to be documented. Behold, my soon to be Pulitzer Prize winning photograph:

The Ranger on the far left. Gorecki's caddie on the far right.


Honestly, this is the most "Gorecki" picture I've ever seen. Left hand on his hip holding his hat. Right hand scratching his head. Head down wondering why God abandons him during golf. Old man grasping his jaw.

The Aussie eventually said he was fine and played his approach shot into #2. Surely, I thought, Gorecki was done with the hole and would pick up to regroup for the final iconic tee shot on #18. He even started walking toward the green, so I figured John was good to go with his 2nd shot.

Nopes. Gorecki was actually searching for his ball, failing to consider that it was right where he just killed a guy. He finally locates it, and tops his 6th shot down the fairway. He gets on the back of the green with his 7th stroke. Putts it to about 4 feet with his 8th. Then picks up a gimmie for 9 and writes down "7" on his card.

Our graphic artist was kind enough to make a template for a bronze plaque to be placed on the spot of the incident. I'll keep you posted if St. Andrews graciously accepts our contribution to their storied course:

Based on "The Concession."

Gorecki hit a low bullet on the 18th tee and it actually out-drove all of us. He then hit a thin approach across the green, up a steep grassy embankment, through a fence, and into the R&A courtyard. No word if it hit someone, but the ball was thrown back onto the course and it rolled to the fairway in front of the green. Assuming stroke and distance, Mike was laying 4 at this point. He chipped on for 5. Putts past the hole for 6. Grinds over his up-hill comeback and sinks the putt for 7. I'm not sure what he wrote down for his score, but my suggestion would have been: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Stay tuned for more hot takes from the trip!

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Week 6 - Match Play

It's been just over a year, but we're finally returning to Waterlefe.

10am on July 9th... $35+ tax.

It's the best layout in the surrounding Tampa Bay area, and great for Match Play. Last year only two players were in red figures.

We have 20 spots reserved, so update your RSVP. Katie... ask Greg if he's available.

Match-ups will be finalized on Monday.

Monday, June 26, 2017

DPT Championship - Summer 2017 Recap

We avoided the worst of the rain and lightning, and put together one of the lowest scoring tournaments at Southern Hills in our history. Over half the league was in red figures at the end of the day.

On the range, Katie told me she was "going to win because I'm trying a new tip." I asked her what that tip was, and she said: "I need to keep my legs closer together." I pointed out that it was a great...

Never mind. Excellent win by Katie, who shot her lowest round ever on a par 72 course (89 gross). We got guys in the league who have never broken 90 at Southern Hills. We also have guys who have never broken 90 in league history outside of The Memorial.

Casey finished runner-up for the 2nd week in a row... continuing some excellent play as he moves up the standings.

Tall Mike and Reid rounded out the top 4 with scores that could have won in previous years.

JW pointed out halfway through the round (via text) that Gorecki must have left his magic pencil in Scotland. He shot what I believe is the 2nd worst round in league history (118 gross).


We're off this week for the 4th of July weekend. I'll announce the Match Play course soon... so update your RSVP.


Yesterday I changed the World Rankings formula which knocked Katie from 1st to 5th. She wasn't having any of that... and jumped back up to the top spot this week.

Troy is officially OUT of the Rapture in August, so Mike H can go ahead and pay me $160. Send it to me on PayPal... chandler dot brown at the gmails.

As soon as we officially hear from Anthony, I'll update Greg on his status. Dave and Reid are the other deadbeats who owe $160.

If one more person bails, I'm booting all the non-members and we're taking 12 people.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

New World Golf Rankings

As previously mentioned, the formula for calculating the rankings has officially changed. It is retroactively being applied to the previous week, since The Hangover at TPC Tampa is the first event that will count toward the 2018 Rapture. Here's yet another summary of what changed:

1) You make the list if you've played in at least 10 of the league's previous 18 events.
2) Your new point average is your highest 10 points in those previous 18 events, divided by 10.
3) The more you've played in the previous 18, the more chances you've had to increase your point average.

Play often, play well, and you'll probably qualify next year.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

DPT Open - Week 5

We're back this week! Lots of non-members playing, and had a couple of "requests," so pairings are crafted. But they're finalized so deal with it.

Tee time at Southern Hills 11am (club rules) and we might get some rain. Course will probably be pretty wet. Could be cart path only in some spots.

Southern Hills has also re-rated their course again. They named the tees (which is awful), and removed the Blue/White combo from the sheet in order to make room for the new family tees. HOWEVER... the combo is in the USGA database. All the slopes and ratings were increased since we last played there.

Everyone is on the Blue/White unless they tell me otherwise. Play blues on the 3s and 5s. Play whites on the 4s. Same thing we've always done at this course.

See you there.

Monday, June 19, 2017


I had 120 yards to the front of a green.  Hit a towering, perfect, 90 yard wedge letting the wind take it. Ball lands right on the front. Rolls 70 yards over the back and down a hill.

That's what it's like to play Carnoustie. Add in hidden bunkers and burns that you can't see from the tee or fairway. Brutal course. Shot 98 with maybe 45 putts.

JW and Dave played great.

Two days in St Andrews remain.

Sunday, June 18, 2017


Spectacular. Pebble Beach mixed with Erin Hills and Chambers Bay etc. You can view the ocean on every hole. Many play on/over it. Rolling hills and large elevation changes. It is a HUGE property. Very long walk and this pace of play target is 4 hours 40 minutes. 

Also, fastest greens we've seen by far. Insane speed and undulations. Fairways were also super hard and fast. I hit three drives over 300 yards. Dave hit a couple past 350. And I made two 4putts in the damn round. Shot 93 with two birdies. 

Everyone loved it. Might be my top course out here. 

Carnoustie today which we will all hate. But weather today and yesterday is sunny 73 degrees and decent wind. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Old Course

Very weird. Not difficult. All depends on wind. Five of us waited in the line and got on.  The rest will try later, I think.  Shot 84 with three doubles. Faster greens than the other courses. Tighter fairways too. Definitely not used to that lie with long irons.

Gonna get sleep for the first time all trip. Kingsbarns tomorrow. Supposed to be the best of the trip.

Thursday, June 15, 2017


As old and fraternal as expected. Beautiful course. Fair if you keep it near the short stuff. I'll talk more about the courses later, but so far it's my favorite. Would play it all the time if possible. 

Back nine destroyed me though. Weather was windy but clear with one hole worth of cold rain. 

Gorecki played like a 30+ handicapper in my group. Thought his caddie was going to quit after 3 holes. But he wasn't asked to leave... So the rest of the trip is stress free. 

Slept for two hours then went down to Old Course queue at 1:30am. Here now in the cold and was 3rd in line with John. Gary and Gorecki here too. More arriving slowly. 


Amazing course. Re-designed holes are spectacular along the cliffs of the ocean. We had 20-30mph winds all day. Final stretch into the wind was just impossible. Can't wait for the Open to go back to this venue. It is going to beat the hell out of everyone. Pretty sure Dave shot an 80 playing "up" with us. Only great round to report. Few birdies by the group.

Drove across the county after the round to Gullane. Headed to Muirfield in an hour... Should be the most "interesting" day of the trip.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Royal Troon

Home of last years British Open Championship. Reviews called it bland... It was awesome. Got cold and rained lightly for two holes. Course was tight. Fescue rough was brutal, with balls easily lost in it. Basically all fairway bunkers required you to hit out sideways with a sand wedge. Nobody got a par on the short Postage Stamp par 3.

Geoff, I shot 86 with two birdies (3 and 12).

Each group had forecaddies and Darryl had an extra caddie for himself. At some point in the round, Darren is addressing his tee shot... Darryl's caddie says "hold on" before he swings. Walks up to him... Looks him over... Grabs Darren's chest... And says: "you got some man boobs." Darren was dumbfounded and the caddie wasn't laughing or anything. So Darren tells him he's fired... Then starts to re-address his ball. Caddie stops him again and points out he teed up on the red tees.

I'm not doing the story justice but Big Boob Darren had a great laugh at his own expense.

Turnberry today.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


Staying downtown... Not much to look at but the people are pretty cool. Very old buildings. We played some random muni called Cowglen. Built in 1906, very hilly layout and a difficult walk. But a fun introduction to playing in Scotland. Had about 5 wardrobe changes due to wind and rain starting and stopping constantly. Nobody played well. 

Shut down the Hampton Inn bar and cleaned them out of port. Headed to Royal Troon today, where the 2016 Open was held. Weather could be interesting. 

Saturday, June 10, 2017

DPT Championship - Week 5

Only THREE spots remain open and I haven't heard from Troy, Katie or Dave.

Update your RSVP!

If we have any other open spots we should try to get Greg G. out to get some more rounds under his belt.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

"World Golf Rankings" Changes

Most of you are aware we have a "World Golf Ranking" that's used for Rapture qualification. Few of you really understand how it works. I'm going to clarify that for you, and then tell you how it's probably changing.

I modeled our rankings after the Official World Golf Rankings, which were first released in 1986 (Bernhard Langer debuted as #1). The formula is pretty complex, but basically they take a rolling two year period for each golfer... total up all their points... and divide by the number of events they played during that two year period.

Each event (and each final position on the leader board) is worth different points. Majors are worth way more than events on the Asian Tour. They use previous years' strength of field to determine value. They also use a tapering system that devalues events as they age in the two year window, meaning the most recent events are worth more. It's a mess, but it works.

Every now and then there will be something weird (like Adam Scott becoming #1 for the first time on a week he didn't even play)... but the debate that follows is ridiculous. The rankings literally group all the guys who should be in the discussion at the top.

In the 31 years of existence, the rankings system has changed 23 times. It's constantly being reviewed in an attempt to make it better, since many tournament exemptions rely on the published results.

So what about OUR system? I also total all points earned in a rolling two seasons (18 events). I then divide that by the number of events you've played. If you've played in 10 of the previous 18 tournaments, and scored 1,000 points total, your number is 100.0 (and right now that would put you 8th in the rankings). All tournaments carry the same weight, since points at Majors are already increased. You also must have eight tournaments in the previous 18 to make the rankings.

Simple. But we can make it a little better.


Two factors lead to wild swings on the rankings board: 1) the small rolling window (18 events) and 2) the small sample size required to be ranked (8 events).

We can't do anything about the rolling window, since it's literally one year worth of official events. I definitely don't feel rounds more than one year ago should count. We can increase the number of required events, which would slightly normalize the averages and cause new players to play more before they qualify.

But what if instead of averaging out all your events, we used the "best of" events? This would do two things: 1) not kill your ranking if you have a bad day 2) reward those who play more frequently, by giving them more chances to increase their top scores.

This year, Rapture qualification doesn't matter since I already fell into the trap of allowing replacements. But NEXT year will be different, so we need to reflect on the spirit of qualification. This change makes it more difficult for rookies to become captain, which I think is a good thing. Get in the league... get to know everyone... earning captain gets easier when you have a full 2 seasons under your belt.

The changes I'm more than likely going to make are: 1) increase number of rounds to qualify from 8 to 10 and 2) calculate the rankings score as the average of your top 10 points in the last rolling 18 league events.

Since last week's Hangover Invitational was the first tournament of the 2018 Rapture qualification, I'll apply this change to the current rankings and beyond.


Much like the USGA and R&A, this post serves as a "heads-up" of upcoming changes. Take time to digest it... hold back your terrible opinions... comment to tell me how awesome of an idea this is. After I return from Scotland I'll probably implement it.