Wednesday, July 19, 2017

DPT Masters - July 30th - Reunion Resort Orlando

We are under contract, and I need to give a guaranteed number of players to Reunion this weekend. If anyone who says they're IN fails to show up, I could personally be charged your fee.

As of now, we have 15 members who are IN... 2 future members (Mike H and Robbie)... and 2 guests: Crum and Tony F. Austin (19 total). I'll send them the final number this weekend.

If you're going to bail, do so now.

If you bail the week of and I'm charged... you will find yourself on the deadbeat list with any future earnings deducted until debt is paid.


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We also need to draft for the Rapture. MOST of the league will be at Reunion, but obviously only the captains matter. Here are the two options:

1) Head to Ale House next to Reunion for lunch after our round and hold the draft there.

2) Meet up at a bar the first two weekends of August.

Again, the captains vote is all that matters, so hopefully they're able to have the draft after Reunion.

As for Rapture payments, only Reid and Mike H. are deadbeats. Get your $160 payments in!

Jamaican Open - Preview

Wagwan, piff tings.

We're headed back to Pebble Creek for the 5th time in league history. It's a very, very flawed course... and the 2nd most difficult in our history of courses played 3 or more times. Median NET score to par is a ghastly +5.5, with an average NET score of +7.5!

In 29 member rounds at Pebble Creek, only THREE have been under par net. Savage. Six have been pitchers!

I enjoy a good slaughter, so this should be a pretty fun leader board to watch.

Below is the scorecard. Everyone is on WHITE unless they tell me before Saturday. Keep in mind it's a par 71, so add 150-200 yards to the stated distance for an adjusted number.



Moving from WHITE to BLUE will give you at least 2 bonus strokes.

Remember to wear the correct color shirt. The prospective guys are exempt, but the rest of you have no excuse. Tee time is 9am, see you there.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mailbag #2 - July 2017

JW spammed an unused social media account with questions, and Gary submitted his AFTER the last mailbag. So here's a bonus mailbag:


What are your options for dropping a ball after it goes into a YELLOW or a RED hazard? -Gary

This comes up once a year, and I'm guilty of getting these wrong. So let's revisit:

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to hit from the previous spot for one penalty stroke.

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to go where the ball last crossed the hazard, and drop as far back as you want keeping the entry point between you and the hole, with one penalty stroke.

RED stakes (lateral hazards) allow you to drop two club lengths from the point where it last crossed the hazard line. No closer to the hole. One stroke penalty.

Dropping along the "flight of the ball" is not a real thing! How the ball got into the hazard doesn't matter. Also, think about most red (lateral) hazards. Many of them are on the side, so you physically CAN'T drop further back while keeping the point of entry between you and the hole.

There's a 4th option allowing you to go to the other side of the hazard... but don't worry about that choice. It's rarely applicable.

YELLOW
(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole

RED
(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole
(3) Hit two club lengths from spot ball crossed hazard, no closer to hole
(4) Mysterious 4th option I don't want to get into, yet.

That's the list. The below diagram shows two balls going into a hazard on a par 3, with stars marking each point of entry. Appropriate places to drop are numbered, and correlate with the above lists.
 

You can see why option 2 doesn't make sense for the orange ball, especially if the hazard was a wooded area. Mysterious option 4 might work... if you can even get over there. When the pros choose this option it's a huge debacle and takes forever since their caddies don't have distances and they have to walk. Rarely happens.

When Tiger Woods cheated at the 2013 Masters 15th hole (and didn't get DQ'd for some reason), he combined options 1 and 2. Honestly, he probably just confused the rules. But he went back to the previous spot (1) and then moved back a couple of yards keeping that spot between him and the hole (2-ish). If he wanted to use option 2, he needed to keep the spot where the ball crossed the water between him and the hole, not his previous location.

Next mailbag I'll talk about unplayable lies and obstructions like cart paths. For now, just attempt to digest the above information so you can help others.

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These are from JW:

Why are you on Instagram?
Some redneck high school kid from NC named "Chandler Brown" used my email address to make an account. I kept deleting it, but he was able to sign back up each time. He loves hunting and would post deer pics and whatnot. So I reset his password and put up a ton of pro-PETA pics... like "Meat is Murder" kinda stuff. Somehow he was always able to recover the account without actually getting the password reset emails. Instagram is apparently NOT very secure. So this went on for awhile, and I kept posting weirder shit, and tagging his friends. He finally gave up and/or figured out his real email address.

Why not make it a league Instagram account?
We're not big enough for anyone to care. I did make a "league" twitter account so I could follow the haps on the PGA Tour. Faz convinced me it was worth it, and it's pretty dope. So it really has nothing to do with our league, but all of our posts are automatically uploaded there for the world to ignore.

What's your favorite color?
Blue. But I like my tees White.

Do you actually enjoy running this league?
Running the league is tedious at times and it feels like herding cats. But going back to just causal weekend games would suck. Leagues are the future.

Can you rank your favorite league members?
Like a "MySpace Top 10?" I am my favorite league member. The rest of you are OK, but some are more fun at bars than others. John was the MVP of the Scotland trip though.

Can you spell Tall Mike's last name without looking it up?
Oostenbrink. Typed it out way too many times. Should just start using "Moostie."

How many times do I have to jerk my putter before it starts working?
The proper amount of putter jerks requires trial and error, but clean it first. And be careful not to make your putter shaft raw. And if you jerk it a bunch of times and still miss the putt, question whether or not the jerking is necessary. Maybe switch your pre-shot routine to something a bit quicker.

Send me questions. These posts will continue until we get more diversified content from other league members.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Memorial - Summer 2017 Recap

The Memorial is a time to... remember things. Like Brendan... I vaguely remember he's been in the league for awhile. And Faz... remember Faz? He showed up yesterday and played some great golf. Definitely a "turn back the clock" moment!

Although they tied for first, Brendan and Faz broke streaks of 27 and 22 tournaments without a victory. It was their 2nd and 12th win, respectively.

The course was in good shape, especially for this time of year. Challenging off the tee, as Casey and Gary struggled to keep the ball in the short stuff.

Casey did sneak into the points, which could prove huge in the final two weeks. We now have a log-jam in the standings, with about 6 guys (Geoff and up) realistically still in the running for the Cup. Anthony and Gorecki are officially eliminated, and Troy moves to Texas this weekend so he's out as well. Amazing season by him though, and we'll be holding a spot for his return in a year.

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This week is the Jamaican Open at Reid's home course: Pebble Creek. Tee time is 9am, and they don't have a range. Also, hope for dry conditions this week as Pebble can quickly turn into a cart path only mess.

As a reminder... you must wear Jamaican colors this weekend, or pay $2 to The Man (Reid). Green, black and/or yellow shirts.

I'll get the scorecard posted soon.


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The following photo from yesterday was submitted by JW for analysis. He hit a ball near OB, and proceeded to hit a provisional in accordance with our rules. This is a picture of his original tee shot:


JW's ball is circled in red. In order to determine if it was "IN" or "OUT," he first stood behind the nearest stake to his ball. He then glanced right, triangulating his position with a pool pump (pink lines). Seeing that Gorecki was hiding behind the pool pump, JW concluded this would not be the correct line. So he found the stake on the other side, and judged if his ball was to the right of the hypothetical line between those two points (black line). After consulting with Greg, it was determined to be OUT, and JW played his 4th shot from the provisional ball.

Excellent application of the rules by JW!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Countryside Scorecard

Alright, party people. Here's the scorecard for The Memorial. I've played this course a few times, and it's not easy despite the ability to play it short. Especially if it's wet out there.

I imagine there will be a handful of people who want to move back to the Blue tees. So if you want to do so, LET ME KNOW ASAP!

Moving from Whites to Blues gets you at least 2 strokes (probably 3) and moving to Golds gets you at least 4 strokes.



Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Mailbag #1 - July 2017

Our first ever mailbag! I get a lot of questions each week, so I might as well share my answers to the league! Apparently my request for submissions was picked up on the internets, as I got a bunch of inquiries from non-members all over the globe. Let's get to it:

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Do I get free relief from an embedded ball in the rough? -Brendan

YES! DPT Rule P-10 allows this! However you can't be in a hazard, and you need to drop (not place) the ball after you remove it. You also can't clean it if you're in the rough. Just pull it out, drop it, and hit it.

I should note this is NOT an official rule of golf, per the USGA. It's a "local rule" for our club. The USGA only allows free relief in "closely-mown areas" like fairways, greens, tee boxes etc. The PGA Tour, however, allows free relief in the rough. And I adopted their version because conditions are soft most of the year in Florida. You guys need all the help you can get.

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If I hit my first tee shot OB, then I hit a second tee shot OB, and then I decide to drop near the 2nd OB ball, what shot am I hitting? Also, could I just decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot and just drop from the original OB ball? If so, what am I hitting? -Dave

Lots to digest here, David. Whenever you think your ball is OB, you should hit a provisional (Rule P-8). This applies to all shots, not just tee shots. If you fail to do so and discover your ball is OB, you CAN drop there if you want for a two stroke penalty (Rule P-8.1). Or you can go back and hit from the previous spot with a one stroke penalty.

Hitting two tee shots OB and then deciding to drop where the 2nd ball went OB... you're now hitting 6, and should probably just pick up for the max.

If you think your first ball is not OB, you COULD decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot. If you discover it actually is OB, you may drop and hit 4 from that spot. But anything that is KNOWN to be OB requires a provisional.

You NEVER get to take a one stroke penalty as if you went into a hazard or lake. OB is NOT a hazard or lake. Until the USGA says otherwise... OB is different. Gorecki has been struggling with this concept since 2012, and doesn't think "stroke and distance" is a real thing.

Oh... once you hit a provisional, you can't ignore it. So if your 2nd tee shot also goes OB, you don't get to say: "I'll just drop here hitting 4, forget about my provisional." That would make you a cheater. Because if you piped your 2nd ball down the fairway, you sure as shit would want to play it from there hitting 4.

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Which is the more Gorecki move: Owing a pitcher after only playing 9 holes or quitting early so he didn't end up owing 3 pitchers? -Geoff

Definitely owing one after 9 holes, since it was halfway to owing a 2nd. And his 64 on the front nine was really a 66, but Dave got tired of correcting his score and teaching him the rules, so he said: "Fuck it, just tell me what you want me to write down from here on." It takes a lot to get Dave flustered, but Tragic Mike figured out a way.

Leaving at the turn was also due to a work meeting that he was probably going to miss thanks to a 4.5 hour pace of play as the first group out.

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Before I hit my next shot, can you tell me if I'm hitting 5 or 6? -@PiCannon - via Twitter

Without a doubt... 6. In fact, make it 7 just to be safe. Now fire those cannons, before ze Germans get here!

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This guy in my league really annoys me. I can't stand his [voice/comments/face/etc...]. Would you ever boot him or at least make a rule that nobody with his birthday is allowed to be in the league? -Harry Hans, Wolfsburg, Germany - via Snapchat

Too late, ze Germans are here.

Greetings, Mr. Hans! Thanks for your question. You know a league has reached the next level when there are people who annoy you. On the PGA Tour, most players can't stand Bubba or Sabbatini... but it's part of the "spice of life" that is variety! I realize it's common practice for Germans to just boot whoever they dislike, but we can't really do that. I also wouldn't make arbitrary rules, completely void of structure, in order to purify our player pool. Mainly, I'm afraid the precedent would be later used against me since I'm pretty annoying (especially on the golf course)!

Nothing works better than social pressure, so if you really think action is required... publicly speak up. Don't expect your League F├╝hrer to fight your personal battles. I'm guessing he's already pretty outspoken and says the things most of your fellow members are afraid to say out loud. Be the change you want to see in your league!

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Hello DPT! First time reader, first time emailer! My ball was near the OB line. It might be considered "out," but one of the stakes fell down toward a house. Is the OB line where the stake used to be, or where the top of the stake now rests? Also, if both my playing partners agree it's OB, can I still make the case it's NOT out of bounds? What if I stare at the ball long enough scratching my head? And what about the white hose/PVC pipe running from a nearby pool? Since it's white... can't I say that's the actual OB marker and thus my ball is now playable? -DeathToAustrailianFaces@prodigy.net

Let's visualize what you're asking with the diagram below:



There are three lines on this image:
Black - The OB line as set up by the course.
Orange - The OB line you want to use, based on the top of a fallen stake.
Pink - The OB line using a pool pump... because... fuck logic.

While I understand you feel God finally did something positive in your life by knocking over a white OB stake... just stop wasting everyone's time. It shouldn't take your playing partners to determine if the ball is OB. But now that they've weighed in... respect the decision and move on.

OB markers are not moveable. You're not even allowed to move them in order to hit your ball. So if a marker fell over, and you can clearly determine where it was originally... that's the line. Stand it back up, and compare with the marker on the other side of your ball. Don't look at other white objects, don't make excuses, take the "stroke and distance" penalty and play better. The rules are cut and dry, and you're probably not good enough to care about a two stroke penalty.

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My playing partner can't count. He constantly gets his score wrong at the end of each hole, and then argues when I correct him. How would you fix this issue?  -@MrPotadoughHead - via Twitter

Everyone makes mistakes, so you don't want to jump to conclusions and assume cheating. When someone is having a bad day, perhaps they're so frustrated they forgot a chunked chip or incorrectly counted their "stroke and distance" penalty after hitting OB. But in order to protect the field and your league, you should 100% speak up and ask for a recount. If you know for certain they are wrong, just explain your case.

If YOU are the one being questioned, don't get angry and take it personally. Just recount your shots and come to a conclusion.

I always correct people when I think they're wrong. But once in awhile... I'm mistaken. It's really embarrassing to speak up and ultimately look like an asshole. However, if we don't police ourselves, then we'll turn into a dysfunctional league playing for old frozen sausages. Getting your score correct is the most important thing in golf, and also the easiest.

Now what if we had someone who constantly seemed to miscount? Our league has a double-par max, so you only have to count to 10. And if you have trouble counting to 10, or can't seem to remember how OB works... then only two things are possible: 1) you're cheating or 2) you're retarded developmentally disabled.

Conscious cheaters will be kicked out of the league. But retardation developmental disability needs a more delicate solution. The golfer in question would find that I'm "randomly" paired with them every week (and riding in their cart). We'd become really close friends, as I'd graciously offer to help search for every lost ball near OB. I'd also become very interested in their round, almost as if I was their biggest fan. At the end of every hole I'd eagerly await to see if the score they tell me matches what I witnessed. If it didn't, I'd let them know they're mistaken and see if they're able to discover the error.

If it's an innocent mistake, I imagine the frequency of wrong scores would quickly decline. However, if mistakes continue, I'd begin loudly proclaiming to the group that "------- is about to play his X shot!" before every swing. When we arrive at the green, I'd announce something like: "------- hit one off the tee, two into the woods, lost ball drop three, fourth back into the fairway, fifth on the green and now putting for six!" No need for the player in question to even count. Once I get tired of babysitting, we'll give the player one last chance until he gets booted.

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Who goes to a deeper circle of Hell? The golfer who cheats and lies about his score, or the one who won't shut up about himself during a round?  -A member who wishes to remain anonymous

What about people who don't sign their names on burn notices?

Anyway, it's been a long while since I've attempted to read Dante's Inferno. But let's see...

Golf cheaters and liars would be in the eighth circle (Malebolge), and in the tenth Bolgia with the Falsifiers. Within that Bolgia there are actually four categories of Falsifiers. We'd find said cheaters (ie: Lexi Thompson) in the fourth class of Perjurers. Everyone down there suffers from various diseases, rashes, fevers and are prone to randomly ripping each other apart.

Golfers who can't stop talking about themselves would be classified as committing the sin of pride. However, vanity and pride are curiously missing from Inferno. It's only implied that pride can lead to treachery, which would put you in the 9th circle, frozen in ice and within a pitching wedge of Satan.

So to answer your question, cheating and lying about golf puts you in a deeper circle of Hell. Vain and prideful golfers are just annoying and should be publicly shamed in order to bring about change.

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That's the end of our first mailbag! Keep your questions coming in and we'll do another one eventually!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Summer 2017 Match Play Recap

Waterlefe lived up to the hype as a great test of golf. Even with a 30 minute rain delay, the course was in good shape and fair challenge. Also, for some reason, the pace of play on the back nine sped up a TON. Great job by everyone for making that happen!

Reid had it locked up at -6, until he blew up on holes 7 through 10. Casey looked to be in position to get his first win until he made a 10 on 10. Chandler (yep, that's me) got to -3 and was going to run away with it until making three doubles in a row on the back. JW easily had it won until an 8 on 17.

It was probably the most lead changes I've ever seen late in a tournament. When the dust settled, Reid and Casey tied for the victory. For Reid, it snapped what I believe was the longest active winless streak. And Casey finally got a win after 13 events, and two 2nd places in a row. Sure, it might be a tie... but it still counts as far as our records are concerned. Congrats, guys.

For as difficult as Waterlefe was, only one guy owed a pitcher for sucking at golf. Gorecki was +15 at the turn and decided to go home. His WD probably avoided an actual +39... so you can look at it in one of two ways: 1) lame he didn't finish what he started 2) the guy knows when it's time to quit. However, option 2 can't really be true because he still plays the game of golf.

Dave handed Gorecki the 2nd biggest beat down in Match Play history. At the same time, Buchert destroyed Dave. Casey stomped Chandler. John beat Brendan soundly. Gary beat Troy, but they also screwed up their card and thought the match went to the last hole (it didn't). Finally, Darren and Reid beat JW and Moosten 1up.

As far as picks are concerned, Brendan (one of the new guys) lost with only 9 points. He owes everyone a pitcher. Even those who didn't play yesterday. Free beer on the new guy!

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This week we finally play in Pinellas at Countryside Country Club. It's a private club, so try to behave. Tee time is 8:49am, on Bay and Lake. We didn't play "Lake" when we tested this course out last September. We are also 0-2 on trying to play this course without it being flooded. So if we strike out this week I'm going to retire it.

Gorecki did submit a list of courses with quotes, and Countryside was one of his options. So thanks to him for taking the time to reach out to golf directors and help the process. He deserves all the shit I give him... but any time someone helps it's appreciated.

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Later this week I'm going to reach into the ol' mailbag, and answer questions on rules and other stuff. So if you want to submit a question... hit me up on my various forms of media. You can be lazy and just write a question in the comments, but that might spoil the fun.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Match Play - Pairings Shakeup

Geoff had to gorecki this week due to his kids. So we're going to re-order the pairings. Why? Because it's the right thing to do with how the bonus points affect standings.

If you're going to have an anomaly, you want that down in the bottom with the guys that are basically out of it. So... re-submit picks if you want in on the bonus pitcher.

New pairings are as follows:

Troy (9) vs. Gary
Chandler vs. Casey (6)
Tall Mike (4) vs. Reid
Darren vs. JW (8)
Brendan (3) vs. John
Gorecki (13) vs. Dave
Buchert (3) vs Dave*

Anyway, I'd apologize for the changes... but this is what happens when people gorecki. At least this time it was someone who basically never bails last minute.

See you down there!




*We've done this before when there is an odd number of people. Basically, winner of the Gorecki vs. Dave match gets 100 points. HOWEVER, Dave also plays Buchert. If Buchert wins, he gets 100 points. If Dave wins, he basically stops Buchert from earning points. Cellar Life. It's crazy.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Summer 2017 - Midseason Report

It's been awhile since I've rambled on about league happenings, and things you should already know.

New Member Update
We're going to be really close to our 24-member cap after this season. A few things are about to happen when we get there: 1) Prospective members will be on a waiting list 2) Prospective members will be subject to member approval and 3) League rules are really going to tighten up.

This is not some uber-exclusive, sadist plan on my part. It's merely a numbers game where the more members we have, the amount of time it takes to manage the league exponentially increases. Until we get some technology built (custom or otherwise), we'll need to limit our membership. Remember, I make exactly $0.00 running the league, because I don't really enjoy making money off my friends. But that doesn't mean I don't value my time. I'm just a nice, selfless guy.

So if anyone out there knows someone with experience of out-sourcing web and app development to India/Philippines, maybe we can get some custom league management software created.

In the queue for next season we have:
Robbie - sponsored by JW and Katie - Has 6 events with us and should log enough rounds for a fair handicap before 2018. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Mike H. - sponsored by Dave - Played 3 events so far with the league, but has a bunch of rounds logged from GolfShot. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Greg - sponsored by Katie - Only 2 rounds with the league, so needs more ASAP. Plans to play the final weeks of this season. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture, if Anthony is out.

Piccos - sponsored by JW - Attending his first event at Waterlefe. Will need a bunch of off-season rounds to start in Spring 2018.

Rules Reminders
This is for the new people, but can't hurt to remind the veterans. We love rules, but these are the most common:

- "Lift, Clean and Cheat Place" is always allowed for any ball in the fairway (Rule P-11). But you can't do this in the rough or hazards. Don't pick up your ball in the rough, clean off mud, place back down on a nicer lie, and then try to tell me you were "identifying it." Yes, this actually happened.

- If your ball is in an un-raked footprint or in a bunker of disrepair (ie: every bunker at Heritage Harbor), pick it up... rake the spot... place it back down (Rule P-9). HOWEVER, if your ball is plugged you need to leave it plugged. It's a one stroke penalty to un-plug a ball, as an "unplayable lie."

- If ONE person of your group says your 6-inch putt isn't good... you need to putt it (Rule P-12). There are technically no "gimmies." You also have the right to make anyone in your group putt out, but you must speak up!

- Out of bounds requires a provisional... or a two-stroke penalty (Rule P-8 & 8.1).

Be sure to ask if you have any questions!