Monday, July 31, 2017

2017 Rapture - Drafts and Information

The Rapture draft happened yesterday after our round, and it produced a few interesting match-ups. First, let's review the draft:

Not a ton of big surprises, especially with Katie selecting Dave #1 overall. Gary changed his mind at the last minute and took Buchert with his 2nd choice, instead of Big John. Skill-wise, it's definitely the correct decision... as Buchert probably should have gone #2 overall. Interesting that Katie took Greg over Robbie at the 5th spot. Both are solid picks, but she definitely took length over girth. JW slipped a little low, so if he plays well he could be the steal of the draft.

Katie is the blue team. Gary is the gray team.

1 - Dave
2 - Chandler
3 - Buchert
4 - Big John
5 - Greg
6 - Reid
7 - Robbie
8 - Tall Mike
9 - Darren
10 - Geoff
11 - JW
12 - Brendan
13 - Mike H.
14 - Gorecki

We also made the match-ups for EACH day. Every year someone asks why we do this in advance, when it might be more "interesting" to make pairings the day before each event. In our first two years we did it the day before... but last year I required captains to make ALL pairings early. The reason is logistics of our leader board system. It's basically too tedious to create and adjust handicaps on the fly, and requires someone to bring a laptop with internet connection assuming it's available (you never know in these accommodations). I also don't really think you need to wait until the last minute. That sort of over-thinking is necessary.

So here are the match-ups:

Day 1 (Four Ball aka: Best Ball)
Katie/Greg vs. Chandler/Robbie
Darren/Tall Mike vs. Buchert/JW
John/Brendan vs. Reid/Geoff
Dave/Mike H. vs. Gary/Gorecki

Day 2 (Chapman aka: Modified Alt-Shot aka: Not a Scramble)
Katie/Darren vs. Chandler/Buchert
Greg/John vs. Gary/Reid
Tall Mike/Dave vs. Robbie/Geoff
Mike H./Brendan vs. JW/Gorecki

Day 3 (Singles aka: Individual Match Play)
Dave vs. Gorecki
Mike H. vs. Robbie
Katie vs. Reid
John vs. Buchert
Greg vs. Gary
Tall Mike vs. JW
Brendan vs. Geoff
Darren vs. Chandler

As always, links to this Rapture and previous events are located on the blog. There is one more handicap revision before we go, so I'll update official handicaps at that time.

I'll be following up with the AirBnb houses soon... but we are NOT staying together as teams this year. Instead, your housemates have been "randomly" pre-selected. If anyone owns an air mattress that they enjoy, I recommend bringing it just in case. You may find yourself sleeping near Darren or Dave, and decide it's quieter on the floor in the bathroom.

House 1
Gary, Chandler, Darren, Katie, Greg, Robbie, John, Reid

House 2
Dave, JW, Buchert, Tall Mike, Brendan, Geoff, Gorecki, Mike H.

If you don't like someone in your house... then be sure to loudly, publicly, and drunkenly proclaim it every chance you get during The Rapture. There is definitely an "airing of grievances" component to the event.

Stay tuned for more information. Start making your predictions now!

DPT Masters - Summer 2017 Recap

We were all surprised to get through yesterday's round without any serious rain, and any stoppage in play. The Palmer Course was in great shape, and turned out to be a fairly easy test for most of the field. Lots of people under par (net).

But Casey played lights out, shooting -11 (net) and winning the season with one event to go. He picked up his 2nd win and first Major. In his last 5 events, he has two 2nds and two wins. Excellent playing! Welcome to the Champions Club, Casey.

Dave and Anthony also put up stellar rounds, tying for 2nd place. And on the other end of the spectrum, Gorecki tied his buddy Steve P. for the worst net score ever recorded at +26.

While there isn't anything left to play for in the season, you can still increase your league stats and win some cash at our final event. The Jamaican Open will be rescheduled for August 13th, at a course I'll announce soon. See you all then!

Updates Coming

Lots of stuff to talk about... so check back often today. First thing:

Our final event will probably be on August 13th. Let's take a week off to let the city dry out from all the rain, and this random tropical storm that popped up today.

If anyone need to be put on the deadbeat list from yesterday... let me know. I wrote down a few things but then I know some of you paid that off before leaving.

Friday, July 28, 2017

STD (Season to Date) Stats

I've printed these out in the past for drafts but I'm concerned about our planet so I'm going paperless this year. These stats are from this season's 7 events and only include league members that are part of the draft. Gorecki's WD is not included, which is really something because those 9 holes would make his numbers even worse. As always, these need to be taken with a grain of salt because not everyone has played in all 7 events. They can still give you a decent idea of recent form.

Number of events:
7 - Chandler & Gary
6 - Mike, Gorecki, Reid, Darren, JW, Brendan
5 - Geoff & John
4 - Katie, Dave, Brian

Points per Event
1. Katie: 171.250
2. Geoff: 147.500
3. Chandler: 143.571
4. Reid: 138.050
5. Gary: 136.300
6. Mike: 101.933
7. Brendan: 92.500
8. Darren: 78.333
9. JW: 55.550
10. John: 55.000
11. Brian: 40.000
12. Dave: 31.650
13. Gorecki: 2.500

Gross Strokes Over Par
1. Chandler: 11.571
2. Gary: 15.714
3. Dave: 16.250
4. Reid: 19.833
5. Darren: 20.500
6. Brian: 21.250
7. John: 22.600
8. Brendan: 24.333
9. Mike: 25.667
10. Katie: 26.250
11. Geoff: 28.400
12. JW: 30.000
13. Gorecki: 35.833

Net Strokes Over Par
1. Katie: (2.250)
2. Chandler: (1.286)
3. Brendan: 1.333
4. Reid: 1.500
5. Gary: 2.143
T6. Mike: 2.333
T6. JW: 2.333
8. Geoff: 2.400
9. Darren: 2.500
10. John: 3.400
11. Dave: 7.250
12. Brian: 8.000
13. Gorecki: 9.833

Pars or Better
1. Chandler: 52.381%
2. Gary: 46.032%
3. Dave: 43.056%
4. Brian: 33.333%
5. John: 31.111%
6. Reid: 29.630%
7. Mike: 27.778%
8. Brendan: 22.222%
9. Katie: 20.833%
10. Darren: 20.370%
11. JW: 17.593%
12. Geoff: 16.667%
13. Gorecki: 9.259%

1. Darren: 52.778%
2. Brendan: 40.741%
3. Reid: 38.889%
4. Geoff: 36.667%
5. John: 35.556%
T6. Dave: 34.722%
T6. Brian: 34.722%
8. JW: 34.259%
9. Katie: 33.333%
10. Mike: 32.407%
T11. Chandler: 30.952%
T11. Gary: 30.952%
13. Gorecki: 25.000%

Others (Doubles or worse)
1. Chandler: 16.667%
2. Dave: 22.222%
3. Gary: 23.016%
4. Darren: 26.852%
5. Reid: 31.481%
6. Brian: 31.944%
7. John: 33.333%
8. Brendan: 37.037%
9. Mike: 39.815%
10. Katie: 45.833%
11. Geoff: 46.667%
12. JW: 48.148%
13. Gorecki: 65.741%

Par 3 Scoring Average
T1. Gary: 3.750
T1. Reid: 3.750
3. John: 3.800
4. Chandler: 3.821
5. Mike: 4.000
6. Brendan: 4.042
7. Geoff: 4.050
8. Brian: 4.063
9. Katie: 4.125
10. Darren: 4.167
11. Dave: 4.250
12. JW: 4.500
13. Gorecki: 5.083

Par 4 Scoring Average
1. Chandler: 4.681
2. Dave: 4.805
3. Gary: 4.875
4. John: 5.173
5. Darren: 5.258
6. Reid: 5.274
7. Brendan: 5.410
8. Brian: 5.488
9. Mike: 5.548
10. JW: 5.645
11. Geoff: 5.712
12. Katie: 5.829
13. Gorecki: 5.968

Par 5 Scoring Average
1. Chandler: 5.346
2. Brian: 5.467
3. Darren: 5.773
T4. Dave: 5.800
T4. Katie: 5.800
T6. Reid: 6.000
T6. Gary: 6.000
8. Brendan: 6.522
9. Mike: 6.545
10. Geoff: 6.778
11. JW: 6.909
12. Gorecki: 6.955
13. John: 7.000

Rapture Mock Draft - Chandler's Picks

I attempted to make this a comment on JW's mock draft... because I didn't want to push his down the blog. It's way funnier than mine, despite my effort to not mail this in. However, Blogger now has a 4,096 character limit on comments, which I swear didn't exist back in the day. Fuck it... new post it is. Sorry, Dub.

JW's picks are pretty accurate. However, maybe not in that exact order. So here we go, with much less entertaining commentary:

1-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Dave Harrington
Best all around golfer in the league, so Katie makes her first selection with her head, and not her other parts. Dave has the most points in Rapture history, as well as the best point % for those playing more than one event. And keeping in line with Katie's theme, Dave loves plants. Specifically trees.

1-2 The Garyatrics - John Webermeier
John has the best hands in the league. Strong off the tee, yet soft and gentle around the greens. His handicap has plummeted about 8 strokes this calendar year alone, so John's dominance is coming to an end. But he's really shaved off the number of terrible shots per round, which makes him a valuable Rapture teammate.

2-1 The Garyatrics  - Chandler Brown
Probably a Jack Reacher in this spot, as Chandler was the #1 overall pick last year and proceeded to only score one point (still 29% of the team's total). On the plus side, Chandler should be able prevent Gary from playing some modified scramble format in Round 2. But this pick runs the risk of Chandler getting drunk, and giving a sermon to Gorecki (an inevitable teammate) about how he's not going to get into Heaven because he cheats at golf and can't count. Fighting the Good Fight may lead to team dysfunction... but are you not entertained?

2-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Robbie Wilson
Party Bear is a homer pick for Katie. But it's not a bad selection, as Robbie destroys the ball and his short game is solid. Handicaps are overrated in The Rapture, so no need to worry about the slightly skewed index. Mr. Wilson (who honestly should be using Wilson clubs and balls) is going to score some points.

3-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Brian Buchert
Buchert only metaphorically falls into Katie's lap in Round 2, but she'll jump at the opportunity to have another all around good golfer on her team. Brian's downside is he might unexpectedly change from the stoic Perry Mason to the disheveled Saul Goodman at night. Definitely worth the risk, and he would have been picked one spot earlier if not for Katie attempting to quell WAGs fears.

3-2 The Garyatrics  - Greg Gleason
At this point, Gary's team lacks firepower. And Katie's team has 4 of the longest hitters in the event (including herself from the Red tees... which is going to be deadly on alternate shot). Gary desperately needs a bomber, and Greg is the longest still available. Sure, he's wild off the tee at times, but he really won't need to hit driver. As long as he stays away from the poison ivy, he's a good value.

4-1 The Garyatrics  - Robert Reid
Much like the previous selection, Gary is going with length over girth. We all know Reid has the ability to manufacture clubhead speed. But can he keep the ball on the course? And can he play smart golf on the shorter holes? Reid posted a legit 76 on the Old Course at St. Andrews, while playing with Gorecki. So perhaps he can skype his caddie and recreate some of that magic. "Finish the swing."

4-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Mike Oostenbrink
Let's review Katie's current Buds: drunken Irishman, Party Bear, Beau-chert... might as well add the ultimate Wild Card: Tall Moostie. Nobody knows what kind of golfer he'll be, and he scored 1, 2 and 1 points in the first three Raptures. But he has pills so he belongs on this team.

5-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - JW Ferguson
Katie falls for JW's hype, about himself, and how he's never lost The Rapture. But honestly, he's a solid pick in this spot based on his play since Scotland Golf Camp. Dub is improving at a rate that should make him competitive for the DPT Cup in 2018... only to be derailed by childbirth later this year. He'll make the most of the weekend and play well, knowing life is about to get shitty. Literally. Since he's gonna change a lot of diapers.

5-2 The Garyatrics  - Darren Broom
Gary will consider this the steal of the draft, but that might be a false memory. Darren suffers from "The Drip." He also has a sweating problem. And The Baron has turned into The Barren as he hasn't won an event since April of 2016. His Rapture record sucks as well. If Darren wants to turn things around, he first needs to memorize the location of the bathrooms in the rental house.

6-1 The Garyatrics  - Geoff Leighly
Geoff might actually be a steal in this spot. A good Rapture record, and he recently won a league event. His handicap has started to drop for the first time ever, so he's improving. You always know what you're getting with Geoff. And sometimes that's better than a Wild Card.

6-2 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Brendan Donoghue
One of these days Brendan is going to have another -16 (net) performance. Ol' Double Chip has been better lately, so I assume his hat is giving him confidence. Whatever works. He'll probably score a point, which is on par with previous Raptures.

7-1 Katie's Kushy Kine Buds - Mike Hauch
New Mike has been very busy lately, burying cash in his backyard so his girlfriend doesn't find it. Hopefully he remembers all the secret locations, because there's 20 days remaining and he's the only deadbeat. But assuming he pays, his handicap is too low for anyone to take him sooner. Doesn't mean he'll be a bust. I actually expect him to score at least two points (out of 3). But as the most unknown new guy, he slips to round 7.

7-2 The Garyatrics  - Mike Gorecki
Mr. Irrelevant has ghosted from the blog recently. His last post was in April, and his last comment was in June before the Scotland trip. He didn't even attempt to correct JW, by pointing out he was NOT the last pick in the first Rapture. Has he been busy installing pool pumps near OB markers? No... he's just lurking in the background assuming we will quit talking about him if he stays quiet. But the Good Fight doesn't work like that. Silence does not bring about change. Learning to correctly count to 10 brings about change.
Anyway, by the time we leave for Inverness, Gorecki's handicap index will be the highest in the league. He's played 117 holes at the time of this writing, and has 10 pars. Zero pars in his previous 47 holes! If Gorecki scores even a half point this year, Gary should consider that a huge victory.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Rapture Mock Draft

Good afternoon fellow and aspiring DPT League Members! With the poor blog activity lately, I figured I'd throw a quick post together about my favorite league event: The Rapture. Since we have one of the best weekends of the year coming up in only three weeks and the draft coming up on Sunday, I thought I'd put together a mock draft to help Katie and Gary think through their picks.

It'll be the only Rapture most of y'all will be chosen for since the majority of league members are heathens. Even if I didn't actually qualify for this one, at least I know I'll be good when Jesus comes back with his horses.

1-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Brian Buchert

Buchert sits tied with Geoff atop Dub's Rapture Rankings (DRR) and his team is undefeated in his three appearances. Although prone to spilling Gatorade on couches and/or bleeding from the head, Brian is a solid first pick. Mostly, though, Katie just wants to make sure he'll be riding in her cart all weekend.

1-2 Gary's Glasses - John Webermeier 

Big John goes second so Gary can ensure no one tries to fight him when he inevitably does something untoward at the bar on Friday or Saturday night. The MVP of the Scotland trip, Big John will provide change in whichever currency you desire and has lots of stories about South Africa. Despite sitting low in the DRR, John's game is solid right now.

2-1 Gary's Glasses - Chandler Brown

After seeing the chemistry between the Goreckis and those magical rounds on the Old Course, Gary is going to try to recreate the father/son mojo with the Brown clan. Expect a ton of gimmes in the rounds these two play together, as it is the father's right to give 15 footers for par. I think that's the 15th rule of golf, but I'm not sure since only the Gorecki's snuck off to see them at Muirfield.

2-2 Katie's Boy Toys - David Harrington

Katie wants the long hitters on her team, even if Dave is playing well above his handicap right now. She also knows Dave will have plenty of snacks, Magner's, and sunscreen in case anyone else forgets.
3-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Greg Gleason 

More long hitters. It's like a train of them. The first unofficial league member to be taken, Greg has the ability to play up to the competition. He also has the ability to play like Gorecki and almost hit people. Katie's banking on the good parts of his game shining through in August.

3-2 Gary's Glasses - Darren Broom

Gary's going for consistency here: consistency of putts, approaches, and drips. Darren's game plays well until he runs out of cigarettes and the hangover hits Sunday morning. Sitting low in the DRR, this is more of a skill pick than a past performance pick. Gary must think he can match him up with a player that has attributes that mesh well with Drippy. Like owning a towel company.

4-1 Gary's Glasses - Geoff Leighly 

Speaking of consistency, Geoff's handicap is consistently high. I know this because I often have to say "I'm the worst player in the league other than Gorecki," but sometimes, now for example, I get to say the second worst because I sneak ahead of Geoff. Ranked atop the DRR, this is a solid pick. Perhaps he'll bring an extra towel and pair with Darren over the weekend? Also, Geoff is one of three players to never be on the losing team in this event.

4-2 Katie's Boy Toys - Robbie Wilson 

I'd been talking to Robbie about joining for some time now, but it was Katie that finally pushed him into the league. Robbie's handicap is pretty low right now, but he can put up scores as consistent as his haircut. Party Robot will be able to handle the rigors of the drinking regimen easily, too.

5-1 Katie's Boy Toys - Mike Oostenbrink

The last past champion off the board, Katie will be hoping Tall Mike can recapture his 2016 form. Tall Mike is in the middle of the pack in the DRR, although before he was a captain last year he performed pretty well in the event. He's clearly not a great leader with his team falling by the largest margin in event history last year.

5-2 Gary's Glasses - J.W. Ferguson, II

Gary would like his team's victory recorded with style, so he's picking his favorite blog contributor. He's probably also referenced the DRR and seen that this is an absolute steal this late in the draft. The only three time champion of the Rapture, Dub's the best teammate you can possibly have. Hell, he won alternate shot with Gorecki last year! Gorecki! Unfortunately for Gary, Dub's handicap has slipped a little too low to be truly valuable, but maybe he can scrap some shots and help a teammate win on one of the first two days.

6-1 Gary's Glasses - Robert Reid

By this point in the draft, Reid will be sulking in the corner because he hasn't been picked yet. He needs to know which color midriff shirt to buy and this delay is making him really antsy. Reid's best attribute for Gary's team will be his eyesight and ball hunting prowess since his captain can't see.

6-2 Katie's Boy Toys - Mike Hauch

Katie wants to bring some more youth to the team, so she's going uber-millenial with this pick, assuming he finally pays Chandler. With the second lowest handicap of the competition, Mike is going to need to make some big shots to win.

7-1 Katie's Boy Toys - hmmm.. who did I forget... OH!! Brendan Donoghue

I knew there would be 7 rounds and that Gorecki would go last, but I got this point and ran out of people. Then I remembered that new guy Brendan. Nice guy, and if we knew more about him I'm sure he'd have been picked higher.

7-2 Gary's Glasses - Mike Gorecki

Gorecki has gone last in every draft thus far, and it won't change this year. He'll surely be paired with Dub in alternate shot again, so maybe he can get one point this year. Gorecki's biggest weapon is his golf ball, which can hit people.

There you have it, folks. It'll be Katie, Buchert, Dave, Greg, Robbie, Tall Mike, Mike Ho, and Brendan against Gary, Big John, Chandler, Darren, Geoff, Dub, Reid, and Gorecki. Smart pick is Gary's team since he was wise enough to draft the only three time champ.

Feel free to duff some of your own picks. Looking forward to Sunday.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Schedule Update

Pebble Creek was flooded as expected, but we were getting through the round just fine until the lightning hit. By then the additional 1 hour delay, along with more rain, didn't make playing feasible... especially with The Open on TV. It's only our 3rd rain-out in history, so thanks for everyone being patient and hanging out. The bar was quite enjoyable.

New Tampa courses are going to be off-limits from here on out during the summer seasons. It just doesn't make sense to play ANYWHERE up there when we are surrounded by better options that drain. Westchase area is in the same boat during the rainy months.

Next week will be a Major in Orlando (Reunion). Tee time is 10:20am, and fee is $70 after tax. Again... we are under contract, so if you bail you will probably be liable for the fee.

The time for backing out has long past. And the time for backing out of The Rapture on August 18th, 19th and 20th (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) has DEFINITELY past. Everyone committed to that back in March, over 4 months ago, and houses have been booked.

The plan is to play our final week (Jamaican Open) on Sunday, August 6th at a course TBD. Go fill out your availability on the registration form for the 6th and 13th. Based on the standings after next week, we will do our best to accommodate anyone still in the running for the DPT Cup.


Rapture draft will still be held at Ale House after next week. The captains better be ready to draft AND order their players for ALL three rounds. We've done this before so there should be plenty of people there to help.

See you then, and hopefully it stops raining this week.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

DPT Masters - July 30th - Reunion Resort Orlando

We are under contract, and I need to give a guaranteed number of players to Reunion this weekend. If anyone who says they're IN fails to show up, I could personally be charged your fee.

As of now, we have 15 members who are IN... 2 future members (Mike H and Robbie)... and 2 guests: Crum and Tony F. Austin (19 total). I'll send them the final number this weekend.

If you're going to bail, do so now.

If you bail the week of and I'm charged... you will find yourself on the deadbeat list with any future earnings deducted until debt is paid.


We also need to draft for the Rapture. MOST of the league will be at Reunion, but obviously only the captains matter. Here are the two options:

1) Head to Ale House next to Reunion for lunch after our round and hold the draft there.

2) Meet up at a bar the first two weekends of August.

Again, the captains vote is all that matters, so hopefully they're able to have the draft after Reunion.

As for Rapture payments, only Reid and Mike H. are deadbeats. Get your $160 payments in!

Jamaican Open - Preview

Wagwan, piff tings.

We're headed back to Pebble Creek for the 5th time in league history. It's a very, very flawed course... and the 2nd most difficult in our history of courses played 3 or more times. Median NET score to par is a ghastly +5.5, with an average NET score of +7.5!

In 29 member rounds at Pebble Creek, only THREE have been under par net. Savage. Six have been pitchers!

I enjoy a good slaughter, so this should be a pretty fun leader board to watch.

Below is the scorecard. Everyone is on WHITE unless they tell me before Saturday. Keep in mind it's a par 71, so add 150-200 yards to the stated distance for an adjusted number.

Moving from WHITE to BLUE will give you at least 2 bonus strokes.

Remember to wear the correct color shirt. The prospective guys are exempt, but the rest of you have no excuse. Tee time is 9am, see you there.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mailbag #2 - July 2017

JW spammed an unused social media account with questions, and Gary submitted his AFTER the last mailbag. So here's a bonus mailbag:

What are your options for dropping a ball after it goes into a YELLOW or a RED hazard? -Gary

This comes up once a year, and I'm guilty of getting these wrong. So let's revisit:

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to hit from the previous spot for one penalty stroke.

Regardless of the stake color, you're ALWAYS allowed to go where the ball last crossed the hazard, and drop as far back as you want keeping the entry point between you and the hole, with one penalty stroke.

RED stakes (lateral hazards) allow you to drop two club lengths from the point where it last crossed the hazard line. No closer to the hole. One stroke penalty.

Dropping along the "flight of the ball" is not a real thing! How the ball got into the hazard doesn't matter. Also, think about most red (lateral) hazards. Many of them are on the side, so you physically CAN'T drop further back while keeping the point of entry between you and the hole.

There's a 4th option allowing you to go to the other side of the hazard... but don't worry about that choice. It's rarely applicable.

(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole

(1) Re-hit from previous spot
(2) Hit from where ball crossed hazard, allowed to move back keeping that spot between you and hole
(3) Hit two club lengths from spot ball crossed hazard, no closer to hole
(4) Mysterious 4th option I don't want to get into, yet.

That's the list. The below diagram shows two balls going into a hazard on a par 3, with stars marking each point of entry. Appropriate places to drop are numbered, and correlate with the above lists.

You can see why option 2 doesn't make sense for the orange ball, especially if the hazard was a wooded area. Mysterious option 4 might work... if you can even get over there. When the pros choose this option it's a huge debacle and takes forever since their caddies don't have distances and they have to walk. Rarely happens.

When Tiger Woods cheated at the 2013 Masters 15th hole (and didn't get DQ'd for some reason), he combined options 1 and 2. Honestly, he probably just confused the rules. But he went back to the previous spot (1) and then moved back a couple of yards keeping that spot between him and the hole (2-ish). If he wanted to use option 2, he needed to keep the spot where the ball crossed the water between him and the hole, not his previous location.

Next mailbag I'll talk about unplayable lies and obstructions like cart paths. For now, just attempt to digest the above information so you can help others.


These are from JW:

Why are you on Instagram?
Some redneck high school kid from NC named "Chandler Brown" used my email address to make an account. I kept deleting it, but he was able to sign back up each time. He loves hunting and would post deer pics and whatnot. So I reset his password and put up a ton of pro-PETA pics... like "Meat is Murder" kinda stuff. Somehow he was always able to recover the account without actually getting the password reset emails. Instagram is apparently NOT very secure. So this went on for awhile, and I kept posting weirder shit, and tagging his friends. He finally gave up and/or figured out his real email address.

Why not make it a league Instagram account?
We're not big enough for anyone to care. I did make a "league" twitter account so I could follow the haps on the PGA Tour. Faz convinced me it was worth it, and it's pretty dope. So it really has nothing to do with our league, but all of our posts are automatically uploaded there for the world to ignore.

What's your favorite color?
Blue. But I like my tees White.

Do you actually enjoy running this league?
Running the league is tedious at times and it feels like herding cats. But going back to just causal weekend games would suck. Leagues are the future.

Can you rank your favorite league members?
Like a "MySpace Top 10?" I am my favorite league member. The rest of you are OK, but some are more fun at bars than others. John was the MVP of the Scotland trip though.

Can you spell Tall Mike's last name without looking it up?
Oostenbrink. Typed it out way too many times. Should just start using "Moostie."

How many times do I have to jerk my putter before it starts working?
The proper amount of putter jerks requires trial and error, but clean it first. And be careful not to make your putter shaft raw. And if you jerk it a bunch of times and still miss the putt, question whether or not the jerking is necessary. Maybe switch your pre-shot routine to something a bit quicker.

Send me questions. These posts will continue until we get more diversified content from other league members.

Monday, July 17, 2017

The Memorial - Summer 2017 Recap

The Memorial is a time to... remember things. Like Brendan... I vaguely remember he's been in the league for awhile. And Faz... remember Faz? He showed up yesterday and played some great golf. Definitely a "turn back the clock" moment!

Although they tied for first, Brendan and Faz broke streaks of 27 and 22 tournaments without a victory. It was their 2nd and 12th win, respectively.

The course was in good shape, especially for this time of year. Challenging off the tee, as Casey and Gary struggled to keep the ball in the short stuff.

Casey did sneak into the points, which could prove huge in the final two weeks. We now have a log-jam in the standings, with about 6 guys (Geoff and up) realistically still in the running for the Cup. Anthony and Gorecki are officially eliminated, and Troy moves to Texas this weekend so he's out as well. Amazing season by him though, and we'll be holding a spot for his return in a year.


This week is the Jamaican Open at Reid's home course: Pebble Creek. Tee time is 9am, and they don't have a range. Also, hope for dry conditions this week as Pebble can quickly turn into a cart path only mess.

As a reminder... you must wear Jamaican colors this weekend, or pay $2 to The Man (Reid). Green, black and/or yellow shirts.

I'll get the scorecard posted soon.


The following photo from yesterday was submitted by JW for analysis. He hit a ball near OB, and proceeded to hit a provisional in accordance with our rules. This is a picture of his original tee shot:

JW's ball is circled in red. In order to determine if it was "IN" or "OUT," he first stood behind the nearest stake to his ball. He then glanced right, triangulating his position with a pool pump (pink lines). Seeing that Gorecki was hiding behind the pool pump, JW concluded this would not be the correct line. So he found the stake on the other side, and judged if his ball was to the right of the hypothetical line between those two points (black line). After consulting with Greg, it was determined to be OUT, and JW played his 4th shot from the provisional ball.

Excellent application of the rules by JW!

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Countryside Scorecard

Alright, party people. Here's the scorecard for The Memorial. I've played this course a few times, and it's not easy despite the ability to play it short. Especially if it's wet out there.

I imagine there will be a handful of people who want to move back to the Blue tees. So if you want to do so, LET ME KNOW ASAP!

Moving from Whites to Blues gets you at least 2 strokes (probably 3) and moving to Golds gets you at least 4 strokes.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Mailbag #1 - July 2017

Our first ever mailbag! I get a lot of questions each week, so I might as well share my answers to the league! Apparently my request for submissions was picked up on the internets, as I got a bunch of inquiries from non-members all over the globe. Let's get to it:


Do I get free relief from an embedded ball in the rough? -Brendan

YES! DPT Rule P-10 allows this! However you can't be in a hazard, and you need to drop (not place) the ball after you remove it. You also can't clean it if you're in the rough. Just pull it out, drop it, and hit it.

I should note this is NOT an official rule of golf, per the USGA. It's a "local rule" for our club. The USGA only allows free relief in "closely-mown areas" like fairways, greens, tee boxes etc. The PGA Tour, however, allows free relief in the rough. And I adopted their version because conditions are soft most of the year in Florida. You guys need all the help you can get.


If I hit my first tee shot OB, then I hit a second tee shot OB, and then I decide to drop near the 2nd OB ball, what shot am I hitting? Also, could I just decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot and just drop from the original OB ball? If so, what am I hitting? -Dave

Lots to digest here, David. Whenever you think your ball is OB, you should hit a provisional (Rule P-8). This applies to all shots, not just tee shots. If you fail to do so and discover your ball is OB, you CAN drop there if you want for a two stroke penalty (Rule P-8.1). Or you can go back and hit from the previous spot with a one stroke penalty.

Hitting two tee shots OB and then deciding to drop where the 2nd ball went OB... you're now hitting 6, and should probably just pick up for the max.

If you think your first ball is not OB, you COULD decide NOT to hit a 2nd tee shot. If you discover it actually is OB, you may drop and hit 4 from that spot. But anything that is KNOWN to be OB requires a provisional.

You NEVER get to take a one stroke penalty as if you went into a hazard or lake. OB is NOT a hazard or lake. Until the USGA says otherwise... OB is different. Gorecki has been struggling with this concept since 2012, and doesn't think "stroke and distance" is a real thing.

Oh... once you hit a provisional, you can't ignore it. So if your 2nd tee shot also goes OB, you don't get to say: "I'll just drop here hitting 4, forget about my provisional." That would make you a cheater. Because if you piped your 2nd ball down the fairway, you sure as shit would want to play it from there hitting 4.


Which is the more Gorecki move: Owing a pitcher after only playing 9 holes or quitting early so he didn't end up owing 3 pitchers? -Geoff

Definitely owing one after 9 holes, since it was halfway to owing a 2nd. And his 64 on the front nine was really a 66, but Dave got tired of correcting his score and teaching him the rules, so he said: "Fuck it, just tell me what you want me to write down from here on." It takes a lot to get Dave flustered, but Tragic Mike figured out a way.

Leaving at the turn was also due to a work meeting that he was probably going to miss thanks to a 4.5 hour pace of play as the first group out.


Before I hit my next shot, can you tell me if I'm hitting 5 or 6? -@PiCannon - via Twitter

Without a doubt... 6. In fact, make it 7 just to be safe. Now fire those cannons, before ze Germans get here!


This guy in my league really annoys me. I can't stand his [voice/comments/face/etc...]. Would you ever boot him or at least make a rule that nobody with his birthday is allowed to be in the league? -Harry Hans, Wolfsburg, Germany - via Snapchat

Too late, ze Germans are here.

Greetings, Mr. Hans! Thanks for your question. You know a league has reached the next level when there are people who annoy you. On the PGA Tour, most players can't stand Bubba or Sabbatini... but it's part of the "spice of life" that is variety! I realize it's common practice for Germans to just boot whoever they dislike, but we can't really do that. I also wouldn't make arbitrary rules, completely void of structure, in order to purify our player pool. Mainly, I'm afraid the precedent would be later used against me since I'm pretty annoying (especially on the golf course)!

Nothing works better than social pressure, so if you really think action is required... publicly speak up. Don't expect your League F├╝hrer to fight your personal battles. I'm guessing he's already pretty outspoken and says the things most of your fellow members are afraid to say out loud. Be the change you want to see in your league!


Hello DPT! First time reader, first time emailer! My ball was near the OB line. It might be considered "out," but one of the stakes fell down toward a house. Is the OB line where the stake used to be, or where the top of the stake now rests? Also, if both my playing partners agree it's OB, can I still make the case it's NOT out of bounds? What if I stare at the ball long enough scratching my head? And what about the white hose/PVC pipe running from a nearby pool? Since it's white... can't I say that's the actual OB marker and thus my ball is now playable?

Let's visualize what you're asking with the diagram below:

There are three lines on this image:
Black - The OB line as set up by the course.
Orange - The OB line you want to use, based on the top of a fallen stake.
Pink - The OB line using a pool pump... because... fuck logic.

While I understand you feel God finally did something positive in your life by knocking over a white OB stake... just stop wasting everyone's time. It shouldn't take your playing partners to determine if the ball is OB. But now that they've weighed in... respect the decision and move on.

OB markers are not moveable. You're not even allowed to move them in order to hit your ball. So if a marker fell over, and you can clearly determine where it was originally... that's the line. Stand it back up, and compare with the marker on the other side of your ball. Don't look at other white objects, don't make excuses, take the "stroke and distance" penalty and play better. The rules are cut and dry, and you're probably not good enough to care about a two stroke penalty.


My playing partner can't count. He constantly gets his score wrong at the end of each hole, and then argues when I correct him. How would you fix this issue?  -@MrPotadoughHead - via Twitter

Everyone makes mistakes, so you don't want to jump to conclusions and assume cheating. When someone is having a bad day, perhaps they're so frustrated they forgot a chunked chip or incorrectly counted their "stroke and distance" penalty after hitting OB. But in order to protect the field and your league, you should 100% speak up and ask for a recount. If you know for certain they are wrong, just explain your case.

If YOU are the one being questioned, don't get angry and take it personally. Just recount your shots and come to a conclusion.

I always correct people when I think they're wrong. But once in awhile... I'm mistaken. It's really embarrassing to speak up and ultimately look like an asshole. However, if we don't police ourselves, then we'll turn into a dysfunctional league playing for old frozen sausages. Getting your score correct is the most important thing in golf, and also the easiest.

Now what if we had someone who constantly seemed to miscount? Our league has a double-par max, so you only have to count to 10. And if you have trouble counting to 10, or can't seem to remember how OB works... then only two things are possible: 1) you're cheating or 2) you're retarded developmentally disabled.

Conscious cheaters will be kicked out of the league. But retardation developmental disability needs a more delicate solution. The golfer in question would find that I'm "randomly" paired with them every week (and riding in their cart). We'd become really close friends, as I'd graciously offer to help search for every lost ball near OB. I'd also become very interested in their round, almost as if I was their biggest fan. At the end of every hole I'd eagerly await to see if the score they tell me matches what I witnessed. If it didn't, I'd let them know they're mistaken and see if they're able to discover the error.

If it's an innocent mistake, I imagine the frequency of wrong scores would quickly decline. However, if mistakes continue, I'd begin loudly proclaiming to the group that "------- is about to play his X shot!" before every swing. When we arrive at the green, I'd announce something like: "------- hit one off the tee, two into the woods, lost ball drop three, fourth back into the fairway, fifth on the green and now putting for six!" No need for the player in question to even count. Once I get tired of babysitting, we'll give the player one last chance until he gets booted.


Who goes to a deeper circle of Hell? The golfer who cheats and lies about his score, or the one who won't shut up about himself during a round?  -A member who wishes to remain anonymous

What about people who don't sign their names on burn notices?

Anyway, it's been a long while since I've attempted to read Dante's Inferno. But let's see...

Golf cheaters and liars would be in the eighth circle (Malebolge), and in the tenth Bolgia with the Falsifiers. Within that Bolgia there are actually four categories of Falsifiers. We'd find said cheaters (ie: Lexi Thompson) in the fourth class of Perjurers. Everyone down there suffers from various diseases, rashes, fevers and are prone to randomly ripping each other apart.

Golfers who can't stop talking about themselves would be classified as committing the sin of pride. However, vanity and pride are curiously missing from Inferno. It's only implied that pride can lead to treachery, which would put you in the 9th circle, frozen in ice and within a pitching wedge of Satan.

So to answer your question, cheating and lying about golf puts you in a deeper circle of Hell. Vain and prideful golfers are just annoying and should be publicly shamed in order to bring about change.


That's the end of our first mailbag! Keep your questions coming in and we'll do another one eventually!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Summer 2017 Match Play Recap

Waterlefe lived up to the hype as a great test of golf. Even with a 30 minute rain delay, the course was in good shape and fair challenge. Also, for some reason, the pace of play on the back nine sped up a TON. Great job by everyone for making that happen!

Reid had it locked up at -6, until he blew up on holes 7 through 10. Casey looked to be in position to get his first win until he made a 10 on 10. Chandler (yep, that's me) got to -3 and was going to run away with it until making three doubles in a row on the back. JW easily had it won until an 8 on 17.

It was probably the most lead changes I've ever seen late in a tournament. When the dust settled, Reid and Casey tied for the victory. For Reid, it snapped what I believe was the longest active winless streak. And Casey finally got a win after 13 events, and two 2nd places in a row. Sure, it might be a tie... but it still counts as far as our records are concerned. Congrats, guys.

For as difficult as Waterlefe was, only one guy owed a pitcher for sucking at golf. Gorecki was +15 at the turn and decided to go home. His WD probably avoided an actual +39... so you can look at it in one of two ways: 1) lame he didn't finish what he started 2) the guy knows when it's time to quit. However, option 2 can't really be true because he still plays the game of golf.

Dave handed Gorecki the 2nd biggest beat down in Match Play history. At the same time, Buchert destroyed Dave. Casey stomped Chandler. John beat Brendan soundly. Gary beat Troy, but they also screwed up their card and thought the match went to the last hole (it didn't). Finally, Darren and Reid beat JW and Moosten 1up.

As far as picks are concerned, Brendan (one of the new guys) lost with only 9 points. He owes everyone a pitcher. Even those who didn't play yesterday. Free beer on the new guy!


This week we finally play in Pinellas at Countryside Country Club. It's a private club, so try to behave. Tee time is 8:49am, on Bay and Lake. We didn't play "Lake" when we tested this course out last September. We are also 0-2 on trying to play this course without it being flooded. So if we strike out this week I'm going to retire it.

Gorecki did submit a list of courses with quotes, and Countryside was one of his options. So thanks to him for taking the time to reach out to golf directors and help the process. He deserves all the shit I give him... but any time someone helps it's appreciated.


Later this week I'm going to reach into the ol' mailbag, and answer questions on rules and other stuff. So if you want to submit a question... hit me up on my various forms of media. You can be lazy and just write a question in the comments, but that might spoil the fun.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Match Play - Pairings Shakeup

Geoff had to gorecki this week due to his kids. So we're going to re-order the pairings. Why? Because it's the right thing to do with how the bonus points affect standings.

If you're going to have an anomaly, you want that down in the bottom with the guys that are basically out of it. So... re-submit picks if you want in on the bonus pitcher.

New pairings are as follows:

Troy (9) vs. Gary
Chandler vs. Casey (6)
Tall Mike (4) vs. Reid
Darren vs. JW (8)
Brendan (3) vs. John
Gorecki (13) vs. Dave
Buchert (3) vs Dave*

Anyway, I'd apologize for the changes... but this is what happens when people gorecki. At least this time it was someone who basically never bails last minute.

See you down there!

*We've done this before when there is an odd number of people. Basically, winner of the Gorecki vs. Dave match gets 100 points. HOWEVER, Dave also plays Buchert. If Buchert wins, he gets 100 points. If Dave wins, he basically stops Buchert from earning points. Cellar Life. It's crazy.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Summer 2017 - Midseason Report

It's been awhile since I've rambled on about league happenings, and things you should already know.

New Member Update
We're going to be really close to our 24-member cap after this season. A few things are about to happen when we get there: 1) Prospective members will be on a waiting list 2) Prospective members will be subject to member approval and 3) League rules are really going to tighten up.

This is not some uber-exclusive, sadist plan on my part. It's merely a numbers game where the more members we have, the amount of time it takes to manage the league exponentially increases. Until we get some technology built (custom or otherwise), we'll need to limit our membership. Remember, I make exactly $0.00 running the league, because I don't really enjoy making money off my friends. But that doesn't mean I don't value my time. I'm just a nice, selfless guy.

So if anyone out there knows someone with experience of out-sourcing web and app development to India/Philippines, maybe we can get some custom league management software created.

In the queue for next season we have:
Robbie - sponsored by JW and Katie - Has 6 events with us and should log enough rounds for a fair handicap before 2018. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Mike H. - sponsored by Dave - Played 3 events so far with the league, but has a bunch of rounds logged from GolfShot. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture.

Greg - sponsored by Katie - Only 2 rounds with the league, so needs more ASAP. Plans to play the final weeks of this season. He's currently scheduled to play in The Rapture, if Anthony is out.

Piccos - sponsored by JW - Attending his first event at Waterlefe. Will need a bunch of off-season rounds to start in Spring 2018.

Rules Reminders
This is for the new people, but can't hurt to remind the veterans. We love rules, but these are the most common:

- "Lift, Clean and Cheat Place" is always allowed for any ball in the fairway (Rule P-11). But you can't do this in the rough or hazards. Don't pick up your ball in the rough, clean off mud, place back down on a nicer lie, and then try to tell me you were "identifying it." Yes, this actually happened.

- If your ball is in an un-raked footprint or in a bunker of disrepair (ie: every bunker at Heritage Harbor), pick it up... rake the spot... place it back down (Rule P-9). HOWEVER, if your ball is plugged you need to leave it plugged. It's a one stroke penalty to un-plug a ball, as an "unplayable lie."

- If ONE person of your group says your 6-inch putt isn't good... you need to putt it (Rule P-12). There are technically no "gimmies." You also have the right to make anyone in your group putt out, but you must speak up!

- Out of bounds requires a provisional... or a two-stroke penalty (Rule P-8 & 8.1).

Be sure to ask if you have any questions!