Co-writing credits to Chandler, John, and Darren, so if you're upset about what's said, it was probably one of them.
Irish Dave - The Letter 'H'
While the potato famine may have ended over 150 years ago, the 'th'-sound famine continues to ravage Ireland to this day.
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| With Santa's help, these two words will no longer sound the same. |
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Buchert - A New Liver
Buchert - A New Liver
It's never too early to be put on the transplant list. Hopefully for Buchert, it's not too late.
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Chandler - Optimism
Maybe he can use positive thoughts to finally drive the ball farther than 210.
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Mike H - A Mannequin
He needs a good playing partner and someone to talk to once the season starts. And by "talk to," I mean: "sit there and listen to a play by play recap about some round 3 years ago."
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| He looks interesting AND interested! Unlike the rest of us. |
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Robbie - A Haircut
It won't be long until Robbie's golf game will be adversely affected by this:
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Robbie - A Haircut
It won't be long until Robbie's golf game will be adversely affected by this:
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| Sweet letter jacket, though. |
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Faz - Magic Wedge
Some of these aren't just jokes...
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| I wonder if it's easy to throw. |
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Reid - Golf Ball Finding Glasses
Reid - Golf Ball Finding Glasses
The league just got faster!
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| Santa can probably find the Puma brand. |
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Greg - Mike Pence's Weekend Retreat
Yeah, the new car helps, but he's gonna need some more praying for it to really go away.
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Gary - Fountain of Youth
The eyes are gone, and we've already asked Santa for a transplant and glasses for other league members. Gary just needs to turn back the clock to the good old days. Maybe we'll do next year's rapture in St. Augustine. I hear they have one of these.
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| Worked for Ponce de Leon, right? |
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Big John - Nair for Men
Real women love manly man hair, but the college girls are a little more timid.
Real women love manly man hair, but the college girls are a little more timid.
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| Not-so-Harry Hanz. |
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Tall Mike - Back Fusion Surgery
It allegedly worked for Tiger. And Tall Mike has to be ruining his shirts with the amount of time he spends rolling around on tee boxes "stretching."
It allegedly worked for Tiger. And Tall Mike has to be ruining his shirts with the amount of time he spends rolling around on tee boxes "stretching."
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Casey - Taller Tees
He's the only person in the world who can top a drive off a 5-inch tee. Sadly, I think the next size up is for youth T-Ball.
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He's the only person in the world who can top a drive off a 5-inch tee. Sadly, I think the next size up is for youth T-Ball.
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Darren - Sham-Wow-Fit Shirts
They don't exist yet, but maybe we can start a fund to research their viability. I think he sweated through his jacket in 40 degree weather on Sunday at Lake Jovita.
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| Did we just find a prototype? |
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Anthony - Polara Golf Balls
You may remember these from 2012 as the ball that only went straight (as long as you line it up before each swing). They're still around, and still incredibly illegal... but Anthony might actually win an event if he can keep his tee shots on this planet.
You may remember these from 2012 as the ball that only went straight (as long as you line it up before each swing). They're still around, and still incredibly illegal... but Anthony might actually win an event if he can keep his tee shots on this planet.
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J.W. - A Babysitter
He's never going to get that ever elusive win if he can't show up to tournaments because of kids. He probably wouldn't get it anyway, though.
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Brendan - A New Yeti
That one with the guy's face that looks like he's getting a colonoscopy while on amphetamines needs to go. Steve Irwin would be ashamed.
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| I hear these are quite popular in Tallahassee these days. |
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Katie - Scissors, Gasoline and a Match
For cutting up, dousing, and burning all her rompers and jumpers. And that Girl Scout uniform she wore the first time she ever played with us.
For cutting up, dousing, and burning all her rompers and jumpers. And that Girl Scout uniform she wore the first time she ever played with us.
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Geoff - A Choker Necklace
He literally choked away our first ever tournament back in 2012. And just a couple of weeks ago he choked away a chance at a career round. Is there a Mark Richt line of "turnover chain" chokers?
He literally choked away our first ever tournament back in 2012. And just a couple of weeks ago he choked away a chance at a career round. Is there a Mark Richt line of "turnover chain" chokers?
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| Perfect for pissing away perfect seasons against Pitt AND ejecting from the leaderboard on 11! |
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Gorecki - A Break
Christmas came early for Gorecki! He won't be disparaged in this post. You're welcome.
Bravo JW and his writing team. I might use the chipper in the next three club challenge.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff.
ReplyDeleteWell played...
ReplyDeleteI’m really only offended by your memory...that wasn’t the first time i played with you. The first time was at the Jamaican open, but not that particular open. Of note: It also wasn’t my first time WINNING a dpt event nor was it my only time winning a Jamaican open, since I’ve won 2 of them. And i have 2 male golfer trophies to prove it YAAA
ReplyDeleteI was so proud of myself for proving that the write-up was correct about your Girl Scout outfit... but instead I forced myself to research it and discovered you wore it in March of this year, during your 3rd career victory.
ReplyDeleteNot only did you WIN in that thing... you also shot a then personal best 91 (gross).
So, yeah. The outfit still needs to be set on fire with the rompers and jumpers.
I didn't know we had DPT Fashion Police. Clearly Chandler wrote that one.
ReplyDeleteChandler of all people...the dude gets his style tips from Matt Kuchar.
ReplyDelete