The Grand Slam

I realized last week I don't have the Grand Slam "Devil's Triangle."

So here's an updated list of who has touched all three Major bases:

Two Career Triangles:
Darren - Truly an amazing accomplishment. He's the GOAT, and only needs one more DPT Masters to complete his third trip around!

One Career Triangle:
Tall Mike

One Major Short:
Reid - Needs a DPT Open
Gary - Needs a DPT Championship
Chandler - Needs a DPT Championship
Casey - Needs a DPT Open
Troy - Needs a DPT Masters (can complete this week!)
Gorecki - Needs a DPT Open
Geoff - Needs a DPT Masters (can complete this week!)

Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 22 - Lake Jovita (South)

The BGR walked into the day with two of our esteemed founders/members vying for a spot at the Champs dinner. If either of them finished solo first, they would sit atop the leader board going into the last week and watch from the boat next Sunday to see if Gary could "scoots" away his championship. We walked away with no hope of a BGR champ, but still had a pretty decent day of 50% cart pat only golf at Lake Jovita.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning

Lake Jovita is still a "Private Club" so Pasco County's laws of no booze until 11am on Sundays do not apply. This boozer happened to be in the middle of a full on booze-a-thon and had no intention of drinking on the course today, but Moostie and Gorecki both brought supplies and by hole three I was back off the wagon, where I belong. Sadly Gorecki, who was also looking to position himself for a championship, may have over imbibed supplying one of the most fantastic into the bunker shots I have ever seen.  

When attempting to advance the ball towards the hole he chunked it so badly that it hit the hill 5 feet left of him and then it rolled 15 feet back into the bunker he narrowly avoided in the first place. I'm not a follower of the Champs Dinner DEFCON rating system, but I nearly fell out of my cart laughing upon witnessing this particular magic trick.

Before you learn to hit the ball first, you must first learn to hit the ball forward.

Thrifty boozing conditions

Lake Jovita puts on a mean face, with a parking lot above the cart area, but all you have to do is drive around the side, after claiming your cart, and voila you are right back in the parking lot and welcome to stock your cart till your heart's content. Those sneaky bastards also removed all of the cart coolers, but a simple request takes care of that problem. Jovita provides a 5 pack of 12 oz domestics "special" for $20. Not so special in our eyes. We did a poor job of tracking costs, but the craft beers in the club house were somewhere between $5 and $7 for a 16 oz draft and single liquor drinks ranged from, a reported, $6 to $7 depending on whose alcohol addled brain we prodded. Overall, the quintessential move on the golf course is the 6 pack special and this is by far and away their least thrifty option.

On course service

We ran into the cart girl on 1, 2, and 3, but then didn't see her again till 11 and after that the last sighting was her pulling into the clubhouse as we did the same off of 18. She was very cute, but lacked the go getter attitude we here at the BGR have come to expect. The groups behind us reported much the same.

Pissability

We did not visit any of the bathrooms on the course. I was not an incredible fan of them being off the direct path between holes. There was always a sign that basically said "hey drive out of your way and waste some time peeing when you have Moostie and Gorecki in your group." I, however, didn't have problems finding places to let her rip in public either. Many of the holes have houses on them but rarely were you being watched form tee to green. 

Clubhouse experience

We came in a little hot for the ladies of the Lake Jovita lounge, but I felt they rose to the task nicely. Our server was Johnny-on-the spot with drinks and food orders, and the popcorn machine in the corner was an excellent touch for a little appetizer. While the quesadilla was "too fancy" for our dear leader, I heard multiple reports of one of the best quesadillas out there from a few of our readers. 

Overall

I found this to be a generally enjoyable experience, I think there is a way that Jovita could work their way up the ranks, but the cost was a little high and the cart girls attendance was lacking. I think there is a good chance she was working both courses so I don't really blame her. The after round experience probably added a beer to the ranks, but I think Lake Jovita will have to rest on their 3 cold beers for the time being.

Jamaican Open - Summer 2019 Recap

This summer's Jamaican Open will always be remembered as the one where most of the field rejected toxic-Nationalism, and embraced the fact that we are all "One World" and not a collection of individual sovereign nations. There are no flags, colors, borders, or separate cultures. You are not special, unique, or different. Congrats everyone. We did it.

As for the golf, Tall Mike was a late entry into the field and proceeded to Dutch Oven the leader board. Lake Jovita (the South version) was a tough test as — expected. But it was in MUCH better shape than I feared with all the recent rain. Only the bunkers were terrible, and the "Lift, Clean & Poop in the Woods" took the teeth out of the rough. And still, only one person broke par (net)!

Moostie will do that to you, and he now controls his own destiny in his quest for a 3rd DPT Cup.

Due to babies and lake vacations, next week is all about the Gary and the Moose. Gorecki's position on the leader board is very much like his position in life: technically still alive, but kinda just going through the motions.

Gary needs to finish in the top 2 to have a chance.

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Falcon's Fire this Sunday is at 9:42am. Cost is $39 and includes range balls. I've never played here... but I hear it's "good." Looks difficult. Everyone is on the WHITE tees unless you tell me you want to move back to 6,400+ yards.

Get out there early.

2019 Rapture - Draft and Pairings

We decided to draft up at Pinehurst, after John was kind enough to remove everyone not associated with our group from the Holly Inn bar. With the place to ourselves, Chandler (Green Team) and Gary (Blue Team) officially kicked off the 2019 Rapture:

1 - Faz
2 - Dave
3 - Robbie
4 - Reid
5 - Adam
6 - John
7 - Darren
8 - Geoff
9 - Ho
10 - Gorecki
11 - Moostie
12 - Danny
13 - Brendan
14 - Katie

There were lots of surprises, including the shock of Faz going #1 over Dave. And how Gary reached way too far in picking Gorecki 10th over Moostie 11th. Our draft expert, JW, can provide some draft grades — although I'm pretty sure he hated every selection.

We then did our blind pairings, and produced the following schedule:

Round 1 - Verandah (Whispering Oaks) - Four Ball (ie: Best Ball)
1 - Reid / Faz vs. Gary / Gorecki
2 - Danny / Brendan vs. John / Katie
3 - Chandler / Ho vs. Robbie / Moostie
4 - Adam / Geoff vs. Dave / Darren

Round 2 - Riverwood - Chapman (ie: Alt-Shot ie: Not-Scramble)
1 - Danny / Brendan vs. Dave / John
2 - Chandler / Faz vs. Gary / Moostie
3 - Adam / Ho vs. Robbie / Katie
4 - Reid / Geoff vs. Darren / Gorecki

Round 3 - Sarasota National - Singles (ie: Match Play)
1 - Chandler vs. Katie
2 - Danny vs. Moostie
3 - Geoff vs. Gorecki
4 - Brendan vs. John
5 - Adam vs. Robbie
6 - Faz vs. Dave
7 - Reid vs. Gary
8 - Ho vs. Darren

A few rules reminders and one new change we're enforcing:

- There is NO MAX in this event. Play until you hole the ball or concede the hole.

- You can NOT help anyone read greens during the last day (Singles). Telling people they're stroking is fine. Giving distances is fine. But you can NOT read greens for your teammate. They are on their own in that department. Doing so is an automatic loss of hole... but if it happens just remind everyone first before arguing for the automatic loss of hole.

- We're enforcing a "Concession Rule." Once your opponent says you're good, you MUST pick up and stop playing the hole. If you continue to play or practice before everyone is finished, then it's an automatic loss of the hole for you or your team. After the hole is completed, you can practice putts as long as you aren't holding up people behind you.

More to come later.

Jamaican Open - Preview

We're headed to Lake Jovita to play the South course on Sunday. One of the few difficult courses ranked high in our ratings. We haven't played it since summer of 2015.

I'll be canceling one of the tee times, and we'll only have 16 spots which are all currently filled.

Tee time is 9:50am... cost is $45 plus tax.

I'm told it rained constantly in Tampa last week. The forecast also looks swampy. Be prepared for some really bad (cartpath only, perhaps) conditions out there.

Here is the scorecard on the website, not sure if it's still correct. But everyone will be on the WHITE tees - with Katie on RED and Gorecki on GREEN - unless I'm told otherwise.

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Next week's DPT Masters is still on as scheduled at Falcon's Fire in Orlando on August 4th. I polled the Board and there were not enough votes (4 of 5) to move the event due to John and Buchert's vacation to Missouri.

Here's why I'm voting NO to the moving of any future scheduled events:

- Scheduling events and herding cats is not easy, nor enjoyable. If the schedule has been out for months, we should stick to it unless weather causes us to cancel.

- In order to avoid playing "dumps," the Scheduling Committee makes a bunch of phone calls, which are all super annoying. Falcon's Fire has been booked for over a month. There's no reason to go through all that again to find a place last minute, when 15 members are currently "IN."

- No golf Club changes scheduled tournaments for personal reasons. Augusta National — a club much less exclusive than our own — doesn't change the date of their Members Championship because Bill Gates is out of town.

- In general, moving the event would be a terrible precedent to set. Down the road, Gorecki will be in the lead and will demand the finals be moved so he can take his son to see the live-action remake of Disney's The Princess and the Frog. You people would then complain that his situation is "different," when in fact, it isn't. We shouldn't get into the subjectivity of which reasons are more valid. We should, instead, follow the schedule as posted.

- The Schedule Creator — the being who gives us all life — literally takes into account things that would cause a handful of people to miss a week. Holidays, big events (Gasparilla), big planned trips, etc. It's insane operate under the policy of: "leave the schedule as is, but if I'm in the lead at the end of the season, move the finals because I'll be at my brother's Member Guest."

- Because I said so.

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See most of you Sunday! If you haven't paid me your $170 for The Rapture... better get on that now: Danny, Gary

Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 21 - Riverwood Golf Club

Hello loyal readers of Boozer's Golf Review. Today is a glorious day in BGR history because we are reviewing a course most of our readers haven't played, but will in the near future: Riverwood Golf Club. One of our most distinguished booze golfers made the drive from Tampa to Port Charlotte on Sunday to make sure everyone is prepared for maximum booze golf enjoyment at the Rapture. You're welcome.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning

When we arrived at the course and asked about drinks, we discovered the restaurant wouldn't open until 11 and there were no alcohol sales in the pro shop. Fortunately, the pro shop attendant did us a solid and poured us a soft drink to pair with our bag bourbon to loosen up the swing on the first few holes. Hat tip to good service to start the day, but thumbs down for the inability to stock up on ice cold beers or a good vodka drink in case of a hangover.

Thrifty boozing conditions

We dinged World Woods pretty hard for not allowing carts in the parking lot, but we aren't going to be so rough with Riverwood because we have a solution: park your car next to the driving range on the north side of the parking lot. When I took my bag up to the cart guy, I was figuring he'd say "let me drive you over to your group." Instead he told me my group was on the range and I could head right out to them. Then I asked where the range was and he pointed to the other side of the clubhouse. Not very helpful, but his laziness is going to cost them in booze revenue because you can park right next to where the mass of carts will be and very easily pull a cooler right out of your vehicle and plop it in the cart. Drop it off on the way back as you pass the driving range again, too, for extra sneakiness.

Here's a BIG HELPFUL TIP for those of you who may have forgotten to stock up and get your vehicle ready the night before: Charlotte County allows alcohol sales from 6 AM until 2 AM every day of the week. The Rapture round won't be on a Sunday, but it's still good to know that you can swing by a gas station and pick up some beverages if you forgot or if you were just feeling lazy.

On course service

When the pro shop attendant told me the restaurant was closed and I couldn't get drinks, I reflexively asked about on-course service. When he said the cart girl would definitely be out there, I was pleased and optimistic about the level of service. Let me tell you, it was disappointing. We finally saw her on hole 6, which isn't terrible. You can catch the wrong tee time and just miss her on 1 and not expect to see her again until 5 or 6. That said, BGR has a rule of thumb that a cart girl should see you at least twice, if not three times in a round. After we saw her on 6, she apparently vanished into the upside down because we never saw her again. Best wishes against the Demogorgon, because he's gonna be pissed when you tell him you have to run back to the clubhouse to take credit cards.

Prices were decent at $16 for 4 beers or $19 for 6, all 12 oz domestic. Selection leaned heavily towards the domestic, and we were able to get the Bud Lights and Ultras our group requested. She also had a sign advertising 16 oz PBRs for $3.50 each, which we recommend if you like that kind of thing (we are neither promoting nor bashing PBR). We didn't check out her liquor pricing, but she had the usual Captain, Jack, Tito's selection. We paid cash. Now that I think about it, Drippy McBallplugged still owes us for his half of the 6-pack.

Pissability

There's one bathroom stop on each 9 between the 4th and 5th holes. Both restrooms were clean and decent. Ice and water available there, too. There are also plenty of wooded areas despite the course playing through a neighborhood. However, it is so hot this time of year that only the most hydrated of us will have a big concern when it comes to relieving themselves.

Clubhouse experience

Once the restaurant opened, it was pretty good. It has a nice bar area and a decent menu. There was only one server for the whole area, but still an overall pleasant experience. Also, they give you chocolate chip cookies after the meal, of which I enjoyed more than the rest of the group. It should be a fun place for a post-round drinking and eating experience. Double Tito's was around $9, while singles were $6 (always get doubles). Fish tacos ($12) were recommended and delicious albeit a little messy. Fries were something the BGR has yet to see. I'm calling them curly steak fries, and they were well worth it.

Overall

Riverwood has the bones to be an excellent booze golf course, but it falls short and as such is no course for the unprepared booze golfer with a morning tee time. While they have the potential to be a 5, or maybe even 6 beer course, we have to penalize courses for failing to prop up the booze golfer who might be having a rough day. No food and no booze for morning rounds, and minimal booze on the course, possibly zero if you don't catch the cart until the back 9 and don't have cash. This is why we review, though. Now you all can gird your loins for the glory of a successful booze golf day on a more difficult than necessary booze golf course. Our rating system will hammer courses that make life tougher than it should be, so despite the decent to good prices and the good clubhouse experience, we have to label Riverwood a 3 beer course for the time being. Perhaps in August an updated review will be kinder. For now, though, heed our warnings and prepare for the Saturday Rapture round well, loyal readers.

2019 Course Rankings

We had 15 people fill out the survey, and average course rankings are now located in the COURSE section of this website. I'll give some highlights below:

- Five courses got perfect "3" ratings. Esplanade, Lakewood National, OCN (Crooked Cat), Ritz-Carlton and Southern Hills. Southern Hills was the only one from this list rated by all 15 respondents.

- Both World Woods courses received 13 "3" ratings. Both also got one "1" rating, by Mike Ho, who has never broken 90 there in league play. Ho was also the only person to give a "1" to Southern Dunes, after shooting a 92.

- Speaking of voting with your scorecard — Gorecki was the only person to give Waterlefe a rating of "1." His gross scores on record at Waterlefe from least to most recent: 105, 114, 106, and a WD after shooting 64 on the front nine (the "Pool Pump Incident" round).

- The Claw at USF would be ranked the 2nd lowest course, if not for a "3" that one of you gave it. Which is not believable, considering it got eight "1s." I know who you are.

- Pebble Creek was the lowest rated course, and received the most "1s" - nine of them.

- Courses that failed to get at least one "3" vote: Lexington Oaks, Heritage Harbor, Tarpon Woods, Crescent Oaks, Plantation Palms, Summerfield, Lansbrook, Freedom Fairways, Northdale, Babe Zaharias, and Pebble Creek.

- The color-coded formatting on the COURSES page shows what I've always suspected — people like easy "fun" courses a LOT more than they like difficult courses.

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I asked you to name some other top tier courses we haven't played, and here are some of the responses - along with the Club's official reaction to each location:

Bayou Club - Private course in Largo. I've been trying to get us on here for two years. Both summers they were willing to have us, but some of the greens were closed due to renovation. I'll try again in Summer 2020.

Bella Collina - We played here in the 2018 Rapture. Dan Snyder owns it and they don't really like outside play. They charged us a non-negotiable rate of $90 plus tax in 2018. Coupled with the 3+ hour round trip from Tampa... and you have a course that won't be on our schedule.

Black Diamond - One of the best in Florida, but also about 1.5 hours from actual Tampa (we try to keep travel to 1 hour away from downtown). Played here in the 2017 Rapture. Gorecki's future league is paying $85 this year (taking 28+ people) to play it. We paid $75 two years ago. Off-season trips are possible, but I don't see it for standard league play. And honestly, we should be staying overnight if we go.

Celebration - Quirky course just west of Orlando. Attempted to schedule for the 2019 Summer DPT Masters. Renovations caused us to book Falcon's Fire instead. We'll try to play here in 2020.

Grand Cypress (New) - Played here in the 2016 Rapture for $70. Currently replanting all their greens. It's fun. We'll be back at some point.

Mission Inn (El Campeon) - 2018 Rapture location, with a rate of $45. They reach out to me every year about coming back. Their other course kinda sucks. Hour and 20 minutes away from Tampa would make for a pretty long day.

Old Memorial - Not going to happen, but if you want to play it, talk to Ho... although I doubt his buddy is going to pay your $200+ greens fees, plus the $100ish for a caddie. Also, in all honesty, most people I know who have played it say it's "meh" at best. Just super exclusive, which gets the blood flowing to some people's loins. You know what's more exclusive? Our Club.

Reunion (Watson & Nicklaus) - 2016 Rapture courses. No reason we couldn't go back here if the price is right.

Sarasota National - Playing here as part of the 2019 Rapture. Great course, lots of fun. You're going to love it. But it's too far for a league event, as it should be called "Venice National."

Shingle Creek - A great course on the south side of Orlando. Hour and 22 minutes from downtown, perhaps longer with all the I-4 construction as you get into the city. Probably too far for us to make you travel. But I'd love to take the league here, depending on the group rate and people's willingness to drive far distances. It's well over $100 in the winter.

Streamsong - Yeah, all three courses are awesome. No, we're not going to schedule a league event, when the FL resident "deal" still costs $120+ after caddie fees and there's always a 90% chance of getting rained out in the summer. However, everyone should go play these courses. It's just a disgrace they don't have better local pricing like Torrey Pines, Bethpage, and every course in Scotland.

Tranquilo - This used to be a Disney course (Osprey Ridge), and is now owned by the Four Seasons hotel. The Champions Tour has played events here. I've only played it on vouchers they no longer offer. I doubt getting on here would be a problem if we were willing to pay the rates... which are not published.

Westchase - If you think this course is a "3," then you have bad taste in courses. The league has never played here because it's expensive in the winter and unplayable in the rainy months. It's a swamp.

Winter Park - The ultimate Memorial course. Nine holes. Par 35 (2,400-ish from the tips). Walking only. Nationally acclaimed by literally every major publication. The absolute gold-standard in what municipal courses should be. Would cost about $40 to play a full 18. And yet... it's 2+ hours away from Tampa. It'll never be a league course.

World Woods - Yep. One of you rated both World Woods courses a "3" and then physically typed in "World Woods" into the box below it. Amazing.

2019 - DPT Golf Club Course Rankings - Survey

**LAST CHANCE TO FILL OUT YOUR RATINGS**

It might be a couple of years until we do this again. So tell us what courses you like, and which ones you hate. Who knows... maybe they will influence where we play the next few seasons.


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Long overdue for a course ranking, especially now that there has been discussion from our Club's Elite about which courses are "dumps." Make your opinion known, and let's start some shit!

Rating System:
? - Haven't played / Can't remember
1 - Total Dump
2 - It's a Golf Course
3 - Love it!

Frequently Annoying Questions:
I need more than 3 rating levels or Ritz-Carlton might be grouped with this one course that everyone hates but somehow gives me a boner!

No. Three tiers is all you need. Mentally make the scale 1 through 100 and then group 1 through 33, 34 through 66, and 66+ into the three buckets I've provided. When trying to identify what a wide range of people enjoy, less is more.

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Do I rate based on quality of conditions, or my personal enjoyment of the layout? What if I only hate it because it's too far of a drive? I'm confused!

If you love it, give it a 3. If you don't hate it or love it, give it a 2. If you never want to see it again, give it a 1. I don't really care what your reasons are. That's between you and the ghost of Old Tom Morris, who probably already dislikes you.

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Are we going to stop playing poorly ranked courses?

Nope. Just as we're not going to stop playing with poorly ranked golfers.

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I love giving BJs at Old Memorial! Why isn't that on the list? It's so creamy... I mean dreamy!

The list only includes existing courses our Club has played in league-play. You can add other courses you think are 3s to the free-form section at the very bottom. I'll mention any new suggestions, and explore why we have yet to play there.

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My golf memory is terrible. I don't remember some of these courses. Can you remember for me?

Anything you can't remember should be entered as "?". After you submit the form, you can write a comment below asking for some clarification. I'll do my best to explain when/where you would have seen it. But the "?" response is important, because maybe we're overdue for a return trip.



Click here to begin survey.

You CAN edit your responses after submitting.

The Greatest Match Ever Played

Today marks the 2-year anniversary of the "Greatest Match Ever Played," an epic Match Play showdown between Chandler and John at the historic Apollo Beach Golf Club. While only two diehard fans (Sheldon and Scott) were witness to the first 13 holes, the events of that day still echo loudly in the annals of history.

Coincidentally, John matched his best round ever (77 gross) yesterday at Grasslands.

Never forget.

2019 Rapture Courses & Payments

Everything is officially booked. The entire trip should cost around $240ish, not including gambling, which is our 3rd cheapest Rapture ever.

You owe me $170. This is $120 for three nights in a house with your own bed, and $50 for golf incentive-based payouts:

Entry Fee - $50
Each Point Earned - $20
Winning the Rapture - $60

The rest you'll pay at each course. Those courses are:

Verandah (Whispering Oaks) - Four-Ball - Friday 10:30am

Riverwood - Chapman - Saturday 8:52am

Sarasota National - Singles  - Sunday 9:30am



Drive times to Friday and Sunday are 30+ minutes from the houses. So we gotta make sure to clean up the last night, instead of stealing wallets. If your house is assessed any monetary penalties, only those people staying there will be charged. House rosters will be posted next month.

Go ahead and start sending me the $170.

The Memorial - Summer Recap

Big John is back. Again. Destroying the field with a good-pitcher -10 (net) at everyone's favorite short course. He was only 6-over (gross) with a double-bogey-free round, which is probably his lowest gross score ever in league play.

So many people have their lowest rounds at Countryway - I'm pretty sure it favors nobody. Either your game is on (all of it, there are a couple long irons/hybrids needed out there), or you're a complete disaster.

Finishing solo 2nd was last-minute addition, Moostie, who probably played one of his best rounds at Countryway and still lost by 4. Great day for him, and I'm glad he was able to get in the field! Just do it earlier next time.

One great side effect of Tall Mike's attendance was Gorecki being pushed down to solo 3rd. We're officially at DEFCON 2 - FAST PACE, which is the highest threat level our country has ever seen (Cuban Missile Crisis & Operation Desert Storm). Everyone needs to stay vigilant or the Champions Dinner might get nuked. If you see something, say something.

Moving on... apparently the rumors of Katie's waning interest in golf were greatly exaggerated (despite literally telling people earlier this year she "wasn't interested in golf as much anymore"). This blog regrets any error implying otherwise. She showed up and finished DFL, securing a poop-brown Countyway hat and a fresh towel.

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Gary's terrible performance yesterday means that EVERYONE is still in contention to win The Cup, assuming they attend the final two events. I'm being told there are a handful of you who do NOT have accurate RSVPs for the final two weeks. Including those in the top 5.

In the past we have moved the DPT Masters in order to accommodate those who mathematically have a chance. Here are your Dictator's thoughts on the subject:

• Rainouts will be the only thing that cause weeks 1 through 8 to be rescheduled.
• The final week SHOULD be a Major, with its elevated point system.
• With 20+ members, I don't like the idea of moving the DPT Masters. To get on decent courses, we book it weeks in advance. In fact, it's ALREADY booked for August 4th at Falcon's Fire.
• HOWEVER - obviously the season is better if everyone at the top attends the last event. My fear is moving the date wouldn't guarantee that outcome. Trying to get 7 people at the Champions Dinner twice a year is borderline impossible.
• Update your RSVPs immediately. The Board will then discuss what we should do regarding the DPT Masters. A decision will be made well before a week out, and will only focus on those currently in the top 6.

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Big thanks to Brendan for having some of us over after the round. Wings were great!

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We're off for a month due to Pinehurst trips. Hope everyone has fun... and those not going - you should be.