Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 21 - Riverwood Golf Club

Hello loyal readers of Boozer's Golf Review. Today is a glorious day in BGR history because we are reviewing a course most of our readers haven't played, but will in the near future: Riverwood Golf Club. One of our most distinguished booze golfers made the drive from Tampa to Port Charlotte on Sunday to make sure everyone is prepared for maximum booze golf enjoyment at the Rapture. You're welcome.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning

When we arrived at the course and asked about drinks, we discovered the restaurant wouldn't open until 11 and there were no alcohol sales in the pro shop. Fortunately, the pro shop attendant did us a solid and poured us a soft drink to pair with our bag bourbon to loosen up the swing on the first few holes. Hat tip to good service to start the day, but thumbs down for the inability to stock up on ice cold beers or a good vodka drink in case of a hangover.

Thrifty boozing conditions

We dinged World Woods pretty hard for not allowing carts in the parking lot, but we aren't going to be so rough with Riverwood because we have a solution: park your car next to the driving range on the north side of the parking lot. When I took my bag up to the cart guy, I was figuring he'd say "let me drive you over to your group." Instead he told me my group was on the range and I could head right out to them. Then I asked where the range was and he pointed to the other side of the clubhouse. Not very helpful, but his laziness is going to cost them in booze revenue because you can park right next to where the mass of carts will be and very easily pull a cooler right out of your vehicle and plop it in the cart. Drop it off on the way back as you pass the driving range again, too, for extra sneakiness.

Here's a BIG HELPFUL TIP for those of you who may have forgotten to stock up and get your vehicle ready the night before: Charlotte County allows alcohol sales from 6 AM until 2 AM every day of the week. The Rapture round won't be on a Sunday, but it's still good to know that you can swing by a gas station and pick up some beverages if you forgot or if you were just feeling lazy.

On course service

When the pro shop attendant told me the restaurant was closed and I couldn't get drinks, I reflexively asked about on-course service. When he said the cart girl would definitely be out there, I was pleased and optimistic about the level of service. Let me tell you, it was disappointing. We finally saw her on hole 6, which isn't terrible. You can catch the wrong tee time and just miss her on 1 and not expect to see her again until 5 or 6. That said, BGR has a rule of thumb that a cart girl should see you at least twice, if not three times in a round. After we saw her on 6, she apparently vanished into the upside down because we never saw her again. Best wishes against the Demogorgon, because he's gonna be pissed when you tell him you have to run back to the clubhouse to take credit cards.

Prices were decent at $16 for 4 beers or $19 for 6, all 12 oz domestic. Selection leaned heavily towards the domestic, and we were able to get the Bud Lights and Ultras our group requested. She also had a sign advertising 16 oz PBRs for $3.50 each, which we recommend if you like that kind of thing (we are neither promoting nor bashing PBR). We didn't check out her liquor pricing, but she had the usual Captain, Jack, Tito's selection. We paid cash. Now that I think about it, Drippy McBallplugged still owes us for his half of the 6-pack.

Pissability

There's one bathroom stop on each 9 between the 4th and 5th holes. Both restrooms were clean and decent. Ice and water available there, too. There are also plenty of wooded areas despite the course playing through a neighborhood. However, it is so hot this time of year that only the most hydrated of us will have a big concern when it comes to relieving themselves.

Clubhouse experience

Once the restaurant opened, it was pretty good. It has a nice bar area and a decent menu. There was only one server for the whole area, but still an overall pleasant experience. Also, they give you chocolate chip cookies after the meal, of which I enjoyed more than the rest of the group. It should be a fun place for a post-round drinking and eating experience. Double Tito's was around $9, while singles were $6 (always get doubles). Fish tacos ($12) were recommended and delicious albeit a little messy. Fries were something the BGR has yet to see. I'm calling them curly steak fries, and they were well worth it.

Overall

Riverwood has the bones to be an excellent booze golf course, but it falls short and as such is no course for the unprepared booze golfer with a morning tee time. While they have the potential to be a 5, or maybe even 6 beer course, we have to penalize courses for failing to prop up the booze golfer who might be having a rough day. No food and no booze for morning rounds, and minimal booze on the course, possibly zero if you don't catch the cart until the back 9 and don't have cash. This is why we review, though. Now you all can gird your loins for the glory of a successful booze golf day on a more difficult than necessary booze golf course. Our rating system will hammer courses that make life tougher than it should be, so despite the decent to good prices and the good clubhouse experience, we have to label Riverwood a 3 beer course for the time being. Perhaps in August an updated review will be kinder. For now, though, heed our warnings and prepare for the Saturday Rapture round well, loyal readers.