Slow Cypress - The Problamatic Bonus Round

As the aftermath of "Group A's" selfish antics continue to rock the FBGC community, we've uncovered more information that validates the Board's swift, and just penalty.

It has been confirmed by Reid that the "bonus round" — played in the afternoon — took 2 hours and 20 minutes. Our investigators corroborated this number by looking at his GolfShot scorecard, which clearly shows the pace-of-play:

Furthermore, Brendan himself communicated to John that they teed off at 1:50pm and finished at 4:10pm (a total time of 2:20).

This is very curious since Group A would have you believe pace at Big Cypress North should be 3 hours (40 minutes longer). It's even more damning when you hear who played the bonus round:

Dave*

Brendan*

Tall Mike**

Reid

 

*verified slow Group A players

**verified slowest player in the Club

 

How is a pace of 2:20 even possible with that motley crew?!?

"They must have not been held up on the course!" - Yeah, neither was Group A. In fact, Reid said they waited for a bit on their tenth hole (#1) before a group let them pass.

"Tall Mike must not have been grinding over every shot!" - Yeah, we should expect that out of him in regulation too.

"Clearly they just..." - Stop it, you're embarrassing yourself.

Nobody is blaming bad golf on slow play. Nobody is unfairly picking on people without cause. Group A was not only in the wrong on Sunday... two of them (who aren't slow) know it by virtue of their bonus round pace.

 

And yet they've put on a gaslighting exhibition that can be seen from space.

They may have Slow-Play Apologist, Crooked Faz, in their pocket. But the rest of us are rooted in truth and principles.

 

The appropriate pace for Big Cypress North is 2:30. End of story.

Not 3:00. Not 3:15. And definitely not an exaggerated 3:40.

The Board exists to serve the Club. While it's a selfless position — we are quite amused at the perception of "power." 

We are also very appreciative of the outcry of support by those who don't post/comment. Your texts have lightened our hearts during these difficult times. We recognize the historic gravitas of our decision... but we also share your sentiment that it'll make everything better in the long run.

Hit 'em straight, comrades.

Spring 2024 - Slow Play Penalty

With a historic ruling, the Board has voted 4-1 to impose our first ever slow play penalty. 

 

At the next tournament, the following people - who fell 5+ holes behind in the previous event - will be going out last:

 

Dave

Brendan

Gary

Gorecki

 

Take your time warming up, boys. You've earned each others' company for 6+ hours or however long you think golf should be played.

 

John wrote the Majority Opinion: in a perfect tournament environment, we'd be monitoring time-par like they do at PGA TOUR events. Group A should have been forced to skip holes and given max scores. But since that's not possible, kicking them to last for one event hopefully gets everyone to realize the Board is taking pace of play seriously. He also thinks public shaming doesn't make an impact, as was evident by Group A's indifference when challenged after the round. John wants the Board to consider (at a later date) forcing max scores if a group falls multiple holes behind.

JW commented in a Concurring Opinion that Group A's antics last week could damage our Club's reputation. Complaints by members might hinder our access for future events if we're deemed "slow."

 

Faz was the only "no" vote, and had concerns that the penalty was "knee-jerk" and a slippery slope. He also isn't a fan of mid-season rulings, and opts for more public shaming. Regardless of the vote, he wants to establish better documented pace of play policies in the next off-season meeting.

My opinion was clearly documented in the recap, but I have a few more shots to fire. I 100% disagree with Faz that this is "knee-jerk." We've been bitching about certain people's pace of play for years. Public shaming works somewhat, but what if this happened at Feather Sound? And their management holds JW in a bad light, and tells him he's no longer allowed to bring guests? Are the selfish slow players going to just shrug and say "not our problem, play better if you don't want to be behind us"?

Booting the slow-players to the back of the pack is the least we should be doing. I'm not a fan of point reduction or adding gross strokes... but I can definitely be convinced of course handicap penalties. Taking away your precious net strokes will quickly rehabilitate your way of thinking. Someone feels playing slow helps win events? Good luck when your course handicap is reduced from a 19 to a 10. 

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In an unrelated note, Faz had 5 birdies last round. That's a lot. I went and did the research on a couple of birdie records:

Most Birdies (or better) in a Round

Melberg - 7 - Summer 2021 The Concussion 

Dan - 6 - Summer 2023 The Concussion (includes 1 eagle)

Faz - 5 - Spring 2024 The Concussion

Dave - 5 - Summer 2020 The Concussion

Most Consecutive Birdies (or better)

Melberg - 4 - Summer 2021 The Concussion  

Travis - 3 - Spring 2022 Jamaican Open

Dave - 3 - Summer 2021 Hangover Invitational

Chandler - 3 - Summer 2017 Hangover Invitational

Gary - 3 - Summer 2016 DPT Masters

Buchert - 3 - Spring 2016 DPT Championship

The Concussion - Spring 2024 Recap

Here's a list of the four slowest golfers in the Club at the moment (in alphabetical order):

 

Brendan

Dave

Gary

Gorecki 

"Hold up a minute! Tall Mike is way slower than some of those guys, and Brendan/Dave have never been a problem." - naive FBGC Member

Yes, Tall Mike is an abomination and should probably have multiple slow-play penalty strokes added to all of his scores. But after watching "Group A" play a par-60 course in 3:40 yesterday... everyone involved is guilty by association. Nobody did anything to help the group speed up. Inaction is endorsement. Silence is violence.

 

Here's how many strokes each group took yesterday:

 

Group A - 313

Group B - 306

Group C - 299

Group D - 302

Foreseeing the absolute clown show that was about to unfold, Group B wisely rushed to the 1st tee to go out ahead of Group A. How anyone from Group A could object to this is beyond me. Is "going off first" really that much of a privilege? Especially when you're about to jam up the entire course?

Group B played in 2:30 (same time as our scouting trip two weeks ago). That's an hour and ten minutes faster than Group A. Factoring in the 7 extra strokes for Group A... that's 10 minutes per extra shot. And I guarantee you some of those extra shots were penalties, which only add time if you're exceeding your 3-minute search.

*Side-note: just because you are "allowed" 3 minutes to search, doesn't mean you need to. You know if a ball is so deep in the woods you aren't finding or playing it.*

But, having a front-row seat... I can tell you Group A wasn't hunting for balls all day. They were grinding over shots. And slow to get out of carts. And not dropping cartners off at their balls. And not reading their putts when other people were putting to save time. Even Brendan has Tall Mike tendencies when standing over putts!

 

It was like watching four mongoloid children playing golf for the first time. When Group A was leaving the 12th tee box... Group B was 100 yards away teeing off on 17! Five holes ahead! 

 

"Durrr... look at those boys! We know them!" - Group A, probably.

I haven't seen a group play this slow since the 5+ hour debacle of Dave, Gary, Gorecki and Darryl in the 2015 Summer Match Play at Eaglebrooke (notice a pattern of culprits?). In the aftermath of that round, Gorecki (who shot 110) blamed Dave (who shot 78) for "standing over his ball too long." Time is a flat circle, I guess.

This entire post should have been about Tall Mike. Not the fact that he won... but that he's worse than ever in terms of pace. And yet Group C still waited on every hole, so I didn't have a reason to yell at him.

The Board is currently debating punishment for our "leaders." We can't have them setting the pace for the rest of us, since there's clearly zero attempt by some of them to improve pace.

Those I've called out can choose to be butt-hurt about this recycled — yet accurate — narrative. But the fact remains...

Three hours and forty minutes. On a par 60. With 12 par 3s.

You simply can't be in a group going that slow and think it's OK. It's also impossible to be unaware you're playing that slow. The group in front of you was nowhere to be seen! Did your pace even come up in conversation? Did anyone care, or were you all just only concerned with your individual existence? Such selfishness is no way to make the aliens return to save humanity.

 

I'm also not buying Gary's post-round analysis of: "The three reasons we were slow were 1) Gorecki, 2) Gorecki, and 3) Gorecki."

If you see something, say something. A rising tide lifts all boats. It takes a village. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.

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Is Troy still at the clubhouse?

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Sounds like everyone liked the course. Its sadly the best course conditions we've seen all year, and it's not even close. It was nice to have grass in the fairways and rough.

 

There was talk at the bar afterward of us booking Big Cypress North and South every season. And if Ho can get us on both Jovita's every season, that's 4 of our 9 events taken care of and at decent rates.

 

I'm not ready to commit to that... but it's worth a thought as our previous options continue to dry up. For instance: currently Waterlefe on Sunday morning is $170 plus tax. 

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We're off next week for Easter. Then we play the Jamaican up at Silverthorn in Spring Hill at 9:40am. The place where we all got hepatitis in 2019.

 

Update your RSVPs sooner than later. Danny has a guest that wants your spot.

Also, the price for GolfGameBook is increasing from $23 to $80 per year. For now we only have to have one paid subscription to use the app... but that's quite the increase! This is why we can't afford Danflation!

The Concussion - Spring 2024 Preview

Told you all you need to know in the last post.

Not really any good long drive options out there... so let's do it on #16. Hopefully we can tell where the fairway ends and rough begins.

If there's causal water OUTSIDE of the hazard stakes, you get a free drop. Hazards should be staked... but you never know.

10am tee time, I'd get there at least an hour early if you're going to use the range. Again, it's a long drive to the 1st tee from the range.

The guard gate has your names. Be nice to the old man.

The Championship - Spring 2024 Recap

Melberg played nearly flawless golf, proving once again that he can win with a low handicap. All he has to do is get out of bed and show up to the course! The most shocking thing of his round was that two of his three bogeys came on par 5s. Congrats to Melberg for also setting a new course record of 73 (gross).

One shot behind was Brendan who only had one implosion on the day, chipping into a cartpath curb on #11. But a great performance nonetheless.

Five people tied for third, which might be a record. Not sure we've ever had five people tie for any position (I know of a 4-way tie for first at Cheval years ago). Most notably of the bunch was Dave, who cancelled a work golf outing to attend once he realized Topor was out for the season and Danny was shopping engagement rings. Dave's control over his own agency paid off, vaulting him into 2nd place.

This is Dave's season to lose, considering those around him on the leader board:

• Topor - Crippled
• Gary - Only consistency is 68 straight tournaments without a win
• Melberg - Missed too many events, so is in a "must win" situation the remainder of the season
  
• Danny - Very good chance he doesn't even qualify for the Masters due to lack of play
• Gorecki - Tee it Backward has mentally broken him
  

Someone is going to have to win twice in the remaining four weeks to steal it. We've seen crazier things happen... but there's really no point to even playing the rest of the season. Dave has it locked up.

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The Concussion is this week out at Big Cypress (North) at 10am. We've never played this course officially, but a scouting trip last week was very promising. Here's what we learned:

• Check in at the normal clubhouse. Get carts there.
• If you want to use the range, arrive early. It's a bit of a drive (in golf carts) through the neighborhood to the North Course.
• Greens are very good, but very small. Fairway grass will be lush.
• Layout is solid, but the routing is wild. Gets a little squirrelly in the middle of the property, which you repeatedly return to. Be careful on #12 when hitting driver. There are multiple greens and tees you could spray it to and kill someone.
• No food/drink service on the course... so this is the week to bring a stash of beers. Just make sure the ranger doesn't see it.
  
• The 5th hole is going to be a huge subject of debate - 130 yards to a blind green over 40+ foot cypress trees. It's amazing.
  

 

I think it's "as good" as The Groves. Dave thinks it's "way better." None of the six scouts disliked it. But it is a bit of a drive... to play 2.5 hours worth of golf. Personally, I'm just glad we're going somewhere new to us.

 

Everyone is on the tips, but here's a scorecard if you're interested.

See you Sunday. Update your RSVPs.

FBGC Championship - Spring 2024 Preview

We have a 9:00am shotgun start on Lake Jovita (North) this Sunday. We've played here 3 previous times so you all should know the deal. Check pairings list later in the week to verify which hole you're starting on.

 

Thanks to Ho for setting this up, as always.

 

Update your RSVP if you aren't going to make it.

Anyone 55+ in age or 25.0+ in Index can play the green/white combo tees. Let me know if you want to move back to the BLUE tees (or beyond).

 

Long drive on #1.

Topor - our current standings leader - is out for the season with a torn ACL, MCL, and Meniscus. Pretty sure that also puts him out all next season too.

Forecast has cleared up so it might actually be dry.

 

See you Sunday.

Sunday Practice

Booked a spot on Sunday at Big Cypress' short course... which we are scheduled to play at the Concussion.  10:15 tee time.  Myself, Gary, Geoff, Reid.

Dan wants to go as well. I'll book us a 2nd tee time if a couple of people comment they want to join.

It'll be raining before the round (of course)... but rain should stop by 10am. I think. We lose an hour Sunday so not sure if the app is saying the old 10am or the new 10am.

Match Play - Spring 2024 Recap

Spring is around the corner, and love is in the air.

Danny - riding the “new, committed relationship” bump - came to Lexington Oaks and beat us like a bunch of rented Mules.

Those who know your FBGC history may recall these examples of true love propelling a Member to greatness:

• Chandler winning Spring 2013 - first season after starting a relationship with his future wife
• Faz winning Summer 2018 - five months after his wedding
• John winning Spring 2020 - right after beginning a relationship with his future wife
• Moostie winning Summer 2020 - two months before the birth of his daughter
  
• Troy winning Spring 2021 - same season he “lost his putter” with a Countryside bartender
• Travis winning Summer 2021 - same season he met his future wife
  
• Dave winning Spring 2022 - just before the birth of his child

Today, Danny finds himself in the thicc of a blossoming relationship. He could achieve the unthinkable, if he continues to attend tournaments. But he'll need to be willing to leave the warm embrace and loving bosom of his paramour on Sunday mornings.

 

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Lexington Oaks is a tough course, regardless of conditions. Sunday was a little wet, and grass was lacking as we’ve see all season.

A few bright spots:

- They somehow charged us $10 less than they quoted

- Greens were legitimately on the “good” side

- Rain didn’t cancel the round… as the Commish promised.

Beyond Danny's incredible round, I also heard:

• Faz lost his match to a corpse? Apparently Buchert was dead?
• John who finished 2nd to last took Danny to the final hole in their match. The beauty of Match Play!
• After a birdie on #1, Gorecki is now on a 17 hole streak without a par. It'll take exactly 3 more rounds for him to beat his record of 70 consecutive holes without a par or better.
• Dave made six 4s in a row... and then followed it up with eight 5s in a row? Weird.
• Wins are wins... and Brendan just snapped a 4-match losing streak!

We're off next weekend for "spring break," so hopefully you people with kids are using that time wisely. See you in two weeks at Lake Jovita. Shotgun start at 9am. Update your RSVP so Ho can adjust tee time reservations.