The storied history of The Conjecture Cup is sullied, becomes Cup O’ Lies.

Bito's commentary in Italics. Lies are underlined. Chandler drowns in Bosom Rain

1 - Bito wakes up from his nightly slumber with an itch on his ass that he can't scratch. He feels disrespected.

My original intent had nothing to do with any sort of Conjecture Cup. I merely inquired about making the season tournament a longer ordeal, lasting from Friday – Sunday.  I wanted to do this because Heather is going out of town and I want to make the most of it.

Bito: What is stopping us from doing an individual golf tourney? or what are the challenges?

Chandler: your astronomical handicap, other than that... nothing.

Bito: im not the worst in the league

Chandler: thats untested

Right about now, Conjecture is cumming into the proverbial vagina of Cup

Bito: that is why I want to have an individual tourney. i want to put this nonsense to bed

Conception

2- So he amends his original statement and eventually proclaims he could beat four people in our league with no handicaps.

Bito: alright

one day event

all ten people

straight up

i'd finish 8th or higher

my goal would be 6th.

$25 (had to lower since you think it will get so much action)

I guaranteed that I would finish 8^th or higher with a goal of 6^th. Not a proclamation of 6^th, a goal. As for the coming down on the original $50 bet, Chandler had me convinced that everyone would take that. I thought maybe 4 or 5 people would take a $50. So I lowered it in case all 10 people took it. But it looks like I was closer to being correct about the amount of takers. Almost NO action! Everyone has excuses! Everyone has conjectures!

3- On the first tee box, Bito asks Geoff how many strokes were being given... which is silly since the entire conjecture is that Bito isn't the worst golfer. So why would he get strokes? He then suggests they should play for $5 instead of $25, but ultimately agrees to $10.

Here is what really transpired for people who want to read a 30 second fact filled synopsis. If you are like Geoff and need a painstakingly detailed recreation. Skip to the next paragraph. 

Bito: Chandler, how much are we betting?

Chandler: Geoff and I are doing $5

Bito: That is it? Lets do $15.

Chandler: I feel bad, $5

Bito: Fine.

…           

Bito: Geoff, how much are we betting? $5?

Geoff: Straight up?

Bito: Do you *want* to give me strokes?

Of course I am going to ask if he wants to give me strokes. I would be stupid not to. This ISN'T The Conjecture Cup. 

Geoff: No

Bito: $10

Geoff: Ok

Once again this isn’t the Conjecture Cup, why would anyone assume that I would bet $25?


______Are they really THAT different?______

Here is what really transpired (In painstaking detail for Geoff)....

Scene 1 - Chandler picks up Bito in golf cart. They discuss the upcoming round as they journey to the 1st tee box, where Geoff and Random Dude (Hence referred to as RD) are already standing, stretching, Geoff making racial jokes, etc. 
Bito: Chandler, how much are we betting?

Chandler: Geoff and I are doing $5

Bito: That is it? Lets do $15.

Chandler: I feel bad, $5

Bito: Fine.

Bito exits cart 

Scene 2 - Geoff, RD, and Bito are now standing on the tee box. 

Bito: Geoff, how much are we betting? $5?

Geoff: I thought you wanted to bet $25

Bito: No. I thought you were betting Chandler $5. So lets do that. 

Not The Conjecture Cup 

Geoff: Are we betting straight up?

Bito: Do you *want* to give me strokes?

Of course I am going to ask if he wants to give me strokes. I would be stupid not to. This ISN'T The Conjecture Cup. 

Geoff: No, why would I give you strokes? You are 'better than me'. You should be giving me the strokes! 

Bito: I dunno, just thought I would throw that out there. 
Geoff: Are we betting or what? 
Chandler: Why don't you split it and go $10? 
Bito: Yeah that sounds good. Geoff, straight up for $10? 

Geoff: Ok

Once again this isn’t The Conjecture Cup, why would anyone assume that I would bet $25?

The original Conjecture Cup offer still stands… But since it has been up for nearly a month and only Geoff, Chandler, and Gomez, have actually agreed to it. One can only assume that everyone else is too much of a pussy. 

DPT Tour - Kickoff Open

Registration is now open for Week 1 of the new DPT Tour.

Kickoff Open

Since this is an "open," anyone is allowed to play. But you must have an approved DPT handicap in order to compete for points and money. If you've played recently send me your scores to help establish one sooner!

Date: Saturday, June 9th
Time: Hopefully around 10am, but we'll see
Course: Looking at Stoneybrook in Bradenton. I plan on playing there this weekend to check out the course and conditions.
Price: Around $25
Entry Fee: $5 (waived for those not playing for money)

Comment if you're IN and check the roster to see the competitors and expected payouts. All sheets will be updated as we get closer to the event and finalize tee times.

Conjecture This - Bito Reinforces Stereotypes

A massacre happened on Sunday, May 20th. It's a day we should never forget. Justin is making hemp bracelets to memorialize the event.

After scheduling issues have postponed the Conjecture Cup (ie: Bito's crusade against the world's perception), a minor skirmish broke out at the dilapidated (1) Quail Hollow Golf Course. It wasn't quite the over-produced tournament to crown DPT's "worst golfer," but it did give us a chance to verify our speculations.

Here's a brief history of Ryan ZamBonaparte:  

Thursday, April 26th 2012 - The Declaration
Bito wakes up from his nightly slumber with an itch on his ass that he can't scratch. He feels disrespected. The DPT Golf League apparently thinks he's the worst golfer in all the lands. They say he rides the coat tails of GoMex (who is a direct descendent of Antonio López de Santa Anna). They say he uses the "foot wedge." They say if he played his own ball he'd never break 100.

But Bito sees a different picture. He knows his chips are crisp, and his putts are straight. He knows his team uses 38.3% (repeating, of course) of his shots in scrambles. Bito believes he is not only the most improved golfer in the galaxy, but also more skilled than the hacks in the DPT-o-Sphere. The time to attack is now!

He begins by telling me we need to set up an individual tournament which uses pre-determined handicaps. Bito is willing to bet $50 against any takers that he won't finish "in the bottom two." That bet was basically bullshit since the purpose of handicaps are to level the playing field. His chances of not finishing near the bottom are just as high as the best player in the league.

So he amends his original statement and eventually proclaims he could beat four people in our league with no handicaps. I suggest going out and creating an official documentary of the event with rules officials and funny commentary. Suddenly, the Conjecture Cup was born.

The C.C. Plot Thickens, Then Fizzles
Filming one group is infinitely easier than dealing with a full-scale tournament, so I ask Bito to call out three people he can beat straight-up. His choices: Geoff, Gorecki and E-Flo (although he did mention Buchanan and Reid). He also lowered his $50 per person bet to $25 due to the high volume of takers. Fair enough.

Predictably, E-Flo isn't available until 2015 and Gorecki is moving "any day now" to Atlanta (2), so the one hour special I envisioned rapidly fell apart. Also, the upcoming DPT Tour removes all doubt since Bito will have many opportunities to go head-to-head with various opponents for less money. We needed to settle this dispute quickly. Last Sunday seemed perfect with Geoff, Bito and Gorecki able to tee it up. Until Gorecki backed out at the last minute, per the usual.

The Quail Hollow Massacre
So we're left with Bito vs. Geoff vs. Chandler.

On the first tee box, Bito asks Geoff how many strokes were being given... which is silly since the entire conjecture is that Bito isn't the worst golfer. So why would he get strokes? He then suggests they should play for $5 instead of $25, but ultimately agrees to $10.

I tell Bito he can have 8.5 strokes from me (0.5 more than Geoff was getting). Bito giddily exclaims we should bet $50 since he'll kill me with that many strokes. But I tell him we're only going to play for $5 because I didn't want to steal money from his baby. Don't ever think I lack a gentle heart.

 The scorecard:

So there you have it. I'm not sure what we accomplished without Gorecki and E-Flo. And I hope to still produce a Conjecture Cup documentary later this summer. But in the meantime, Bito knows where he needs to improve and everyone else knows what they need to shoot.

I'm going to go shower myself with Bito's money... just like a gentle Bosom Rain.

-CB



(1) We played Quail Hollow in Season 2 of our league on April 15th and the course was in decent shape. Just over one month later... they've lost almost all their greens. The putting surfaces are lacking grass in most spots, and the dirt that remains feels like concrete. I've never seen greens die this quickly, and I won't be playing QH for quite some time.

(2) Gorecki has been permanently moving to Atlanta since November of 2011. Not since the promised return of Christ has something been talked about so much without any actual happenings.

DPT Golf Season 3

Now that Season Two is over... we're starting up Season Three immediately. And we're changing to stroke play!

Season One was pretty decent, with good participation allowing us to accurately match-up teams of various skill. We were able to play a bunch of different courses (with a two-day tournament) for less than the cost of one season at TBCS.

Season Two sucked a fat dick. Apathy and forfeits made the whole thing pointless. There was no competitive spirit, and all but two teams acted like showing up was a chore instead of a fun time out with the guys. As I complained to co-founder Geoff regarding the incessant whining about tee times, greens fees, availability, locations, handicaps, etc... it dawned on me that we didn't really need anyone else to accomplish our goal.

We started the league because 1) we love the game 2) we wanted to play more in the hopes of getting better and 3) we wanted fair competition. It was assumed that our friends (who always said they should play more golf) would be just as passionate about forming and growing the league. But because we didn't charge anyone a shit-load of money upfront, there was no incentive to show up and play. Our mistake.

So we're changing the format to an individual stroke-play tour. Every man for himself. If you want to play in a tournament, sign up. If you'd rather go to Comic-Con, whatever. If you don't like the course, tee time, date or price... skip it. The people who play most often will have the best shot at winning money and prizes. Everyone else can show up when the mood strikes them and attempt to win a few bucks. Best of all... I don't have to spend any time sending e-mails or trying to accommodate schedules. It's all set in stone, and it's all on the blog.

----------------------------

Schedule
The season will be 11 weeks long, playing most weekends. There will be a post on this blog each week discussing the upcoming tournament and registration deadline. All tee times will be cost-conscious, and therefore probably around noon. In order to play in a tournament, you must meet all the requirements of the event AND register at least one week in advance (as in... post a comment so a spot will be reserved for you).

Spots are first come, first served. If you are the 5th, 9th, 13th, or 17th player... you need to find at least one more person before the deadline. You're more than welcome to sign up for a tournament weeks in advance.

Since the dates are already set, put it on your calendar. We might swap a Saturday for a Sunday (and vice/versa) if there's something big going on.

Handicaps
Individual handicaps will be kept using the official USGA calculation. You must have a handicap in order to participate in a tournament for money and points. We'll keep all the data for you on this website. In fact, we're keeping enough data to become an official USGA club if we ever decide to apply. If you don't have a handicap, you can play as an amateur in order to obtain the minimum number of rounds needed to establish a handicap (five). If you ever play outside of the league, you can email me your scores (by hole) and the course information in order to obtain a handicap sooner.

Point System
Whoever finishes the season with the most DPT Points will be champion. It works just like (and is modeled after) the FedEx Cup system. You can play sporadically and win the title if you win tournaments. Or you can play a lot and slowly build up a high point total. Ties (even 1st place) are split, just like in the PGA.

Money Payouts
Every tournament will have a $5 entry fee ($10 for Majors). Payouts will depend on how many people are entered. Each group will also gamble $1 on a designated long drive hole, and $1 on each of the par 3s. Eagles get an extra dollar from every competitor. Any score 10+ over par (net) owes the group a pitcher of beer after the round.

While the money list is interesting, it doesn't affect the standings. We just want to keep track who is winning and losing money throughout our season. Amateurs are NOT eligible to win prize money, but they can participate in long drive and par 3 payouts. Ties (even 1st place) are split, just like in the PGA.

Tournament Formats
All tournaments will be stroke-play using DPT handicaps. However, there will be special tournaments hosted by members of this league. As of now we've involuntarily signed up people to host. The host has a limited ability to choose the date, course, tee time and tees for their event. If they have a good theme idea, I'm also open to discuss it. If the host doesn't want to be bothered, we'll still play the tournament and say they're the host. It's almost funnier that way.

Current "special" tournaments include:
Geoff Skins Game - Instead of normal payouts, the money will go to the winner of skins.
Robb's Early Bird Classic - Teeing off at the crack of dawn.
Chandler Heritage - An exclusive event. No amateurs allowed!
E-Flo's Hangover Invitational - This is probably my favorite one. Go read it.
Gorecki's Par 3 Shootout - Played at an executive course.
Reid's Jamaican Open - At a course with a ton of water. It reminds him of home.

There are also three Majors. Each one has a unique participation requirement and will be held at a nicer (and slightly more expensive) course. The entry fee is $10, so the payouts will be larger.

Playing Rules

Obviously we're going to play the game according to the USGA. If you hit a ball out of bounds, you need to hit another one with penalty from the same spot. If a ball is in a bush and you can't hit it, you need to take a drop with penalty for an unplayable lie. Each player is in charge of enforcing rules on themselves and on their playing partners. If you cheat, you get kicked out. If you constantly have trouble tallying up your correct score, you get kicked out. If you're a douche, you get kicked out. If you fail to pay your bets, you get kicked out.

This is a small-money gambling league. Go to the ATM before the round. No excuses or IOUs. If you rack up debt, we'll just quit including you.

The max you can take on a hole is double-par... which we're only enforcing to help speed up the game.

----------------------------

That's all you need to know. Tournament dates, handicaps, scoring history and player profiles are already active on the blog. First week is June 9th... go ahead and let me know if you're playing.

The Conjecture Cup

Conjecture says that Bito is the worst golfer in the league.

Bito says "Horseshit!"

Bito believes we should settle this on the course, and he is willing to back it up with money.

Bito bets $25 to all comers in the league and OMG, that if a Full DPT league - individual tourney(The Conjecture Cup) were to take place on the Friday of the DPT Golf tourney, that he would finish no worse than 8th straight up.

Also this could also be used for crowning a DPT Singles Champion. This would be done by utilizing some crazy ass math that Chandler has devised and dividing by 2.357(Repeating of course)

Using Chandlers dates for the tourney, we are talking about Friday June 22nd or Friday June 29th 

Communicate with Chandler if you want to take Bito's money

DPT Masters Challenge - Final Results

Crazy final round yesterday. It seemed like nobody wanted to win. But it was great to see Bubba take home the Green Jacket!

As for our pool...

Jess had the victory firmly in hand. All she had to do was not shit the bed with the worst round of the day. Of course, that's exactly what she did (-7) thanks to Hunter and Bae getting ONE birdie each, and Mickelson only contributing ONE birdie to her scorecard.

So that left the door open for a few of us charging up the leader board. Not-so-coincidentally, those of us who went low had Bubba, who's birdies on #13 through #16 definitely helped. But Faz and his Albatross/Eagle combination leaped ahead of everyone (-13) to win by two strokes (-42).

Faz takes home $120, while Jess gets $20.  Gorecki, who finished tied for 6th, gets two bits and a clump of steel wool.

Thanks to those who participated. We'll be doing it again for all the Majors (US Open is up next in June).

DPTMC Day 3

Only two guys retained cut players on their roster. Litman (who's pretty much out of it) and Robb (who is definitely still able to win). So they'll only be playing with three guys today.

Not that it matters. Jess is kicking our ass. In just one weekend she'll have earned an entire years worth of kickball.

I'm going golfing today so the updates will be light.

DPTMC - Day 2

So only 4 strokes separate the leader from last place. Anything can happen over the next few days.

Remember... you NEED to review your roster tonight!! It'll lock at 7am tomorrow, and if you don't swap out players who missed the cut, they'll accumulate zero points!

Despite Gorecki's constant bitching, I'm already convinced this pool is a success... because it got Litman to watch about 7 hours of golf yesterday. Granted, that might be because of the $10 he invested. Yay for gambling.

I'll post some updates today too, since I don't feel like working.

The first thing I noticed is everyone but Alabama Rob dropped Stricker. So watch that blow up in our faces.

**Update 1**

Gorecki has suggested that positions 1-14 get $10 winnings.

**Update 2**

Jess is starting to run away from the pack. She basically has -7 on the front nine in the bag, with birdies on #2-#8. Excellent move swapping Byrd for Duffner.

**Update 3**

Dufner and Mahan just made another birdie... as our ass beating continues. Jess has now matched her -11 score of yesterday, and still has a ton of holes left!

**Update 4**

After a great start yesterday, Alabama Rob did not swap any players and totally shit the bed on the front nine with a -2. His worst player today... Stricker. Good thing the rest of us gave up on him!

DPT 2012 Masters Challenge

Alright... the pool is set! Here is who's playing:

Chandler
Justin
Bito
Da
Matt R.
Robb
Geoff
Reid
Rob A. (lives in Alabama)
Chris F.
Jess (the feisty one)
Gorecki (actually figured out how to set a roster before it locked)
Steve F.
Litman

We lost Josh due to technical difficulties, causing him to not set his roster in time. He gets the Gorecki Award!

Winner will get $120.  Second place will get $20.  Everyone else is a loser.

Be sure to follow the real-time scoring on the group page. Masters.com will have live coverage starting at 10:45am if you don't want to get any work done today.  I'll post updates from time to time.

**Update 1**
Alabama Rob is turkey slapping us around on the front nine, posting -5.  Granted, many golfers have yet to tee off... his team is working well together (with the exception of Stricker). Rob's eagles on #2 AND #8 are going to be hard to beat. If you don't really know whats going on, view his roster for a great look at how the scoring works.  http://games.espn.go.com/best-ball-pga-majors/en/entry?entryID=81949

**Update 2**
Bito fires a -5 on the front nine to tie Alabama Rob. He also has Stricker who hasn't done much (yet).

**Update 3**
As Rory gets double-bogey on #1... Matt R. becomes the first person to record a bogey on a hole.

**Update 4**
Alabama Rob has posted the first score of the day, an impressive -9! He didn't get ANY help from Stricker (many of us are in that boat). Bito still leads but a lot of people are in position to finish strong.

**Update 5**
Bito posts an impressive -10. I had a phone call at work and missed Tiger and Stenson blowing up to finish their rounds. Dammit!

Bito

Apparently Bito was at the Masters Champions dinner last night:

Zach Johnson needs to go on a diet...

Whatevs

Masters Challenge

The Masters is easily the greatest golfing event in the world. Even back when I didn't watch a lot of golf, I always sat down to watch The Masters with my dad. I actually get more excited about The Masters than I do March Madness.

And now we can gamble on it!

$10 per person entry fee. You MUST pay me (Chandler) before the tournament starts on April 5th. Because I'm not expecting a ton of people to participate, 2nd place will earn their $10 back while the winner will take the rest of the pot.

Even if you are not a current DPT Golf member, you're more than welcome to gamble with us.

---------------------
Sign up here:
http://games.espn.go.com/best-ball-pga-majors/en/group?groupID=3437

Group: DPT Golf
Password: donkeynoms
---------------------

You can read the rules on ESPN, but I'll do my best to summarize it:

• Before each round (Thursday-Sunday) you select four players. Each player has a dollar amount based on how good they are. Your team can not exceed a $50 salary cap.
• It's a "best ball" format. So if three of your players get a par, and one gets a birdie... your score for that hole is birdie.
• Lowest score wins (not counting playoffs).
• Remember that you can change your roster EVERY DAY. If you forget to do this after Friday, some of your players might not have made the cut and thus will not contribute to your team over the weekend.

Comment if you have any questions. Good luck!

People who have paid:
Chandler
Litman
Matt R.
Fast Fucker Chris
Reid
Robb
Gorecki
Josh
Bito
Geoff
Steve F.
Justin
Dan*
Rob A. (from Alabama! that's right... we're going national)

People who need to pay:
E-Flo

Week 4 Recap

Diamond Hill was a challenging little municipal course. While the greens and fairways weren't perfect, we finally had some nice weather and couple of good scores. The course was rated harder than we anticipated, so handicaps were adjusted before we teed off. The Asians vs. Caucasians dropped to straight-up, while Ginger Brown had to give 4 strokes to Ebony & Ivory.

E-Flo/Cong vs. Robb/Ryan
The match started even, with both teams +1 though four holes. But the Asians fired off six pars over the next seven, taking a three stroke lead after 13. Ryan/Robb stumbled on the par-4 14th, recording the only double-bogey of the day, and pretty much sealing their fate. A birdie on #17 gave E-Flo/Cong another two-stroke cushion, and officially ended the match. Final score: E-Flo/Cong win 76-82 (gross).


Justin/Chandler vs. Geoff/Reid
Justin showed up almost as hungover as he was in the finals last season, so the day was looking bleak once the league realized 4 strokes were given (instead of the initial three). Chandler played horribly off the tee (again), and Geoff/Reid were wondering why they even had to show up. Actually, Ebony & Ivory played lights-out, tying the low round with some consistent drives and clutch putting. Their lone birdie on #17 poured salt in the wounds of Ginger Brown, who find themselves in the cellar without any wins. Final score: Geoff/Reid win 72-80 (net).

Next week the entire league has a bye. Everyone except Robb/Ryan return to the course on March 25th.

Week 3 Recap

This week we took to the course in some very windy conditions, with only one official match.

Gorecki/Gomez vs. Robb/Ryan
Gorecki filled in for Bito, giving Robb/Ryan 4.5 strokes. Both teams agreed to play from the white tees due to the wind, and both teams subsequently played horrible. Robb and Ryan found themselves up 3.5 strokes at the turn (net), needing only to shoot decent on the back to win. But Gorecki and Gomez capitalized on some costly errors, picking up three strokes over the next four holes. The match remained tight through 17, with Robb/Ryan up one half stroke going into the final hole. But momentum was with the G-Men, especially since Gomez is by far the best golfer in the league. Amazingly, in an unprecedented move, both teams agreed to skip #18 due to a few groups in front of them playing slow. The exhibition match (two groups behind) finished in 4 hours and 20 minutes, so I'm not really sure what the problem was. Nevertheless... both teams were given bogeys on #18 as a result. Final score: Robb/Ryan given the match 78.5 - 79 (net).

Exhibition Match
Reid, Geoff and Chandler competed in stroke play (from the blues), with Reid and Chandler giving Geoff eight strokes. All three shot a horrendous 50 on the back, and finished 94, 100 and 92 respectively. The handicaps caused Geoff and Chandler to tie, earning them each $2 from Reid. Big money!


Next week we play Diamond Hill.

Calloway Humidor

Pretty decent if you need one. Deal expires 3/7/2012

Callaway Golf Humidor for $39.99 + $5.00 shipping