Summer & Rapture - 2021 Registration

The registration link for Summer & Rapture 2021 is now open. Use the link on the side of this blog, by clicking that blue text that says "Member Registration."

A few notes:

- All the make-up weeks are at the end of the season. But we have a ton of weeks off throughout the schedule.

 

- The Rapture is Thursday to Sunday. Golf is Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Thursday is travel and check-in day. We'll select a weekend based on a combination of 1) the most people able to go and 2) availability of houses/courses. If two weekends are near identical in participation, but I can't get suitable AirBNBs on one of them... guess which weekend is going to win out? Also... if you're only IN for one weekend, are you really even IN at all?

- Troy... when you click that link, it might ask you to "log in." Don't freak out! Just log in with your GMail account (the one I've been sending you info for the Champs Dinner).

- New Guys... go ahead and fill out your RSVP as well. If you fail to gain "official" Membership this season... but you still want to play and continue to win over hearts and minds... then I'll know where to add you.

FBGC Masters - Spring 2021 Recap

We all waited for it to happen. There was no way it couldn't happen. Death, taxes, and Geoff choking down the stretch.

Double on 13... triple on 14... double on 15... it was like clockwork.

Troy was in position to win his 4th tournament of the season — until he ejected on the final hole with a triple bogey.

Geoff just needed to make 5 for the solo lead. He made a 4 (bogey), and the crowd went wild. Complete pandemonium. 

 

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The course was tough. The greens were slow. The wind made it tricky to find those tiny putting surfaces. Overall the day was nice. Great turnout at the bar afterward.

The deadbeat list should be accurate. I'm hearing some noise about people thinking they don't owe pitchers... This is what happens when people take too long to pay debts. So comment if you feel there's an error.

 

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Wednesday is our Spring Board Meeting. This is your last chance to comment and topics/ideas you'd like discussed. We'll also be setting the rules for the Membership Vote, which should start on Thursday.

 

Someone asked what the new guy's handicap index would be as of today:

Travis - 17.7

Billy - 19.4

Brian - 26.4

Tony - 28.2

 

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Tomorrow I'll probably get the new RSVP link up for the Summer season and Rapture. We have three weeks off before we start back up... so go patch things up with the wife.

FBGC Masters - Spring 2021 Preview

We're headed to Saddlebrook for the second time in Club/League history. While we've only played it once, it's tied as our 4th most difficult course... and that was before USGA changes brought more pitchers into play (although only two were "earned" last time). The bloodbath starts at 10:10am.

While the conditions look fabulous, the greens are reported to be mind-boggling slow. This may change by Sunday, but you've been warned. Everyone is on the WHITE tees unless you tell me you'd like to move back. Notice: this is a par 71.

View the scorecard here.

A few tips about the resort:

- Price should be $59 after tax... range balls should be included.

- The range is like a 10min golf cart ride from the pro shop... in the OPPOSITE direction of the first tee. If you don't show up an hour early, don't expect to hit any balls. Remember, a new Playing Rule (#17) was implemented after our last Board Meeting: 

 

All players are expected to be at the course, checked in, and ready to play by the FIRST posted tee time. If your group tees off without you (after the first posted tee time), you'll receive a max score for each hole until you re-join the group.

- President Biden (through executive order) has defunded the Boozer's Golf Review. Which makes sense as it was a rogue/fringe/terrorist group established during the previous administration. So... you all must now rely on State-run media for your boozer updates: 

Bring your own booze. Be discrete about it... but a "single" transfusion is $10. 

- When you arrive, drive all the way around to the main entrance. Do not go to any "hidden lot" previously mentioned. You can drive up to the bag drop, then head back to the self-parking area. The 18th hole has a path (to the left) that takes you immediately to this lot. You can also check in, grab carts, and drive to your car. Or they will shuttle you. It's a disaster of a layout, but you're arriving early so this won't be a problem, right?

- Dave wants to have a "session" after the round to celebrate the end of the season while "taking the piss." Eating/drinking at the resort isn't really a prudent choice. For those of you who hate everyone, just make sure you leave a correct scorecard before you take off immediately following your round. Settle up your bets too. If you owe pitchers... expect to get some Venmo requests to get you out of Fort Broke. Anyone else who wants to party... hang out behind the 18th green (it's a par 3) and discuss nearby options while the rest of us finish.

See you Sunday.

Jamaican Open - Spring 2021 Recap

Heritage Isles was a grind last week, with the cold weather that seemingly everyone wasn't prepared for... and the surprisingly fast greens with borderline unfair pin locations. I've never seen their greens that quick. Not that they were "great" — definitely some imperfections all around — but they were better than World Woods!

The course is quite tricked-up... which is why we've only been there once before. The same usual story of egregious tree overgrowth in some areas (chutes on the blue tees), combined with overall poor tee selection. Every par 3 plays 175+? Boring!

I don't think anyone who moved up to the white tees will say it's "unfair" to allow it. Some of you literally (not figuratively) can't play any further back. And yet, as we've seen all year... Troy managed to play well despite the long, daunting set-up of his selected tees

 

His 6th place finish was more than enough to eliminate the other contenders, even without them shitting the bed early (and often). None of those other three beat Troy on Sunday (net).

Troy's season is one of the most dominant in history. He's the only player with multiple victories (one event remaining) this Spring, and currently holds the 3rd largest margin of victory in the points standings... and most since Spring 2015!

With a 2+ point drop in his Handicap Index, Troy has proven that if you play to your strengths, you'll drastically improve and potentially win The Cup. Stop trying to pull of shots you don't have. Flow freely through the course and stay within your own abilities.

 

Bruce Lee said to "be water," while Troy recommends to "be smoke."

Champion #9!

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Mike Ho won the actual tournament — his 3rd career victory on Tour. Two weeks in a row he's played well, which is a nice change from him being one of the worst net-golfers in Club history. 

 

Allegedly, one of his groomsman bought him $10,000 worth of lessons at Old Memorial. No need for those lessons to continue... Ho won the Jamaican Open... he has reached the pinnacle.

Getting more of a "Ted Cruz" vibe than G-Dub.

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This week we wrap up the season at Saddlebrook (Palmer). Tee time is 10:10am and allegedly includes range balls. Get there early cause parking is... weird. There's a hidden lot by the tennis courts if you want to avoid valet.

We still have lots to play for. Club Credit... pride... World Golf Rankings points. We have a very interesting battle going on between Moostie, Gorecki and Troy for Rapture captains. Moostie is holding on by a thread with some big numbers about to drop off. Troy has been patiently lurking in that 3rd/4th spot, but it's hard to overcome how dominant Moostie was in the last year. Geoff is also in the mix, but needs to record some top 3s in the next four events to have a chance.

If you find yourself below that dreaded red-line, don't panic. While still ranked, Katie won't be eligible (and wouldn't attend anyway). Some Members are in danger of falling below the playing requirement to be ranked (RIP, Danny). The Westchase guys could randomly have babies any minute, forcing them to bail.

 

And the weekend selected for The Rapture will be determined by the number of "IN" responses, followed by housing/course availability. It's possible it could fall on a rescheduled Gasparilla Music Festival weekend, causing Faz, JW, and Adam to stay home to watch their beloved Tekashi Trucks Band.

Singing hits like "Tatted Up My Mind" and "Don't Let Me Snitch."

Be patient, play golf, and everything will work out. I'll get the RSVP schedule for Summer season AND The Rapture posted soon. Stay tuned for more updates.

 

See you Sunday.

Ho-ly Cow, He Did it!

Yes, Troy clinched the season title, which is all well and good, but what people really want to know is who is the biggest loser (it's me in more ways than one) in league history and who might catch up with him? It was potentially a small Mike, but with his big win at the Jamaican, he's ended his streak, as I figured he would. 

So, congrats to Mike on ending his losing streak, the one I kind of hoped would continue beyond mine. I now have to dig back around and try to find the next longest losing streak. I have a feeling it's... me. But I just counted and it's actually Faz! He's currently at 41 tournaments in a row without a win. 20 more tournaments and he can tie my record for futility. Based on recent attendance, we probably won't really be able to go on Faz-watch until late in Summer '22. The longest the streak could be after this year would be 50, and that's assuming he decides to start coming to more than 5 events a season again.

My advice to you is to bet big on Faz early in the upcoming summer season, because every time I call someone out for getting close to my loathsome record, they win very shortly afterwards. Faz, no offense, but I'm hoping you make it to 61 so I can share the record with someone who is at least good at golf. 

Jamaican Open - Spring 2021 Preview

We're booked for 20 spots — all of which are currently full — at 9:16am at Heritage Isles. This is the course in New Tampa, down the street from Pebble Creek and Hunter's Green.

This course is a lesson in how not to set up tee boxes. Everyone is on the BLUE tees at 6,236. 

 

The only other time we played here was four years ago. Back then we used the WHITE tees as the base, so we'll allow you to move up if you want. You'll probably lose 4+ strokes in doing so.

We only have 4 players mathematically still alive to win the Cup! They'll all be going off together in the first group. 

 

The rest of us are grouped in a continued effort to introduce the new guys before our off-season Membership vote(s)... as some of you need to decide if we are a Club of inclusion. Is diversity not our problem — but instead our promise? Should we respect differences of perspective and belief, and pledge to work to move our Club forward? To not merely seek common ground — but strive to reach higher ground?

See you Sunday.

Gorecki and Tall Mike can see themselves on TV

Can I Play Through

Hangover Invitational - Spring 2021 Recap

Let's start with the important stuff...

 

Bowling Saturday night was a lot of fun. Great turnout, nice to see some of the WAGs. The setup was perfect for super spreading socializing, and it was incredibly cheap. Everyone who bowled owes John $17. Pay him now. Text me if you need his Venmo address. When you send him money, include in the comment how great of a job he's doing as Social Chair (he's a big Words of Affirmation guy).

Lots of funny stories/comments from the night. We settled the Dave/Adam flop-shot bet. Dave "won" by 4.5" — insert dick joke here — and we may never be able to peer review the results (RIP putter)! If you missed it, you're just going to have to trust us. Don't question it. Look at the data. Follow the science.

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The golf wasn't fun. As promised, greens and fairways were somewhere between "good" and "excellent." Those are the first things any course needs to get right. If you have bad greens, nothing else matters... people are going to think your course is shit. We also got extremely lucky with the weather. Despite a front passing through Saturday, the course somehow didn't resemble a Cardi B song.

So the next thing you look at is design. What actually makes a course enjoyable, assuming the conditions are acceptable? This is where Lansbrook fails. It's not the routing, or variation of holes. Sure, the par 3s are all daunting (three of them long). That could be a signature element of the course. 

 

But instead, we're all left with the image (and PTSD) of overhanging oak tree limbs creating chutes on every other hole. Trees that clearly weren't planted, or expected to grow to their current size. The course doesn't ask any interesting questions or present you with any options. You need to hit a dead-straight laser off the tee, or you're losing a ball!

 

Not great for the locals, who are an older population and already slow. We played in just over 4.5 hours, waiting on every tee box. It was fine. We did it. Lansbrook can go back in time-out for a bit until we need to be punished again.

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Casey put up a good fight, and played with enough duct tape to think about winning. But Brendan was spectacular. His nine pars were the best on the day, and led to his 4th career victory — first in over two years.

 

The rest of us are terrible at golf.

 

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We're off this week with a built-in make-up (which surprisingly isn't needed). I'm sure some of us will be playing, so post anything you have going on. The Jamaican Open hasn't been booked yet. I'm still considering a few options. Until then... enjoy the time off!

Hangover Night - Details

Our Social Chair, Big John, has reserved us 3 lanes at Pin Chasers on Hillsborough (by the airport). Easy for all you people who live near the Veterans. Hopefully the invisible fence shock collar some of you wear will be turned off. 

 

We roll at 8pm. Saturday night.

Bring your dates. Troy... bring your putter. We got some bets to settle.

Injury Report - 3/3/21

"Known" injuries as of today. Feel free to post updates and correct the record.

Adam 

Internal injuries - shits whack

Left knee - possible ligament damage

Status: Out for the Hangover due to knee pain.

Casey 

Ego - loss of distance off the tee

Status: Threatened to quit the Club, but currently fighting through it. A true hero.

Chandler

Right shoulder - torn labrum

Neck - pinched nerve/strained muscle

Status: Can't turn head sideways.

Faz

Thumbs - crack in cold weather

Wrist - strained

Status: Skipped FBGC Championship to rehab wrist... reluctantly playing this week.

 

Danny

Hip - elongated/shifted sacrum

Status: X-rays & MRI negative. Doctor told him to sac(rum) up and golf. Currently trying random remedies off the internet.

 

Darren

Right Left wrist - previous strain from early 2020

Status: Still not 100%... but good enough to play. Poorly.

 

Dave

Lower back - tends to "go out"

Status: Rehabbing for over a year with internet Gurus and drum circles. Seems to be fine now.

Gary

Detached retina - can't see shit

Status: Surgically repaired. As good as it's gonna get.

 

John

Upper body injury - Yo-Yo Syndrome

Status: Just re-joined Orange Theory Fitness. Expected to make a full recovery.

 

Gorecki

Lissencephaly

Status: His smooth brain doesn't allow him to recognize there is a problem.

 

Moostie

Lower back - tends to "go out"

Status: Famously been fighting through it for years. Rolls around on the ground every week. Pops a lot of pills. Still less of a hindrance than his family.

 

Reid

Lower back pain

Shoulder pain

Status: Discomfort led to an over-the-top swing causing hosel rockets.

 

Troy

Lower back?

Elbow?

Status: Spotted wearing preventative equipment before a round. Clearly not an issue as he's about to win a Championship.

Hangover Invitational - Spring 2021 Preview

When World Woods is technically the worst course we've seen, you know it's been a good season. Time to ruin it.

 

Any of you who have listened/read my nonsense over the last 10 years knows... I like variety. Look at the "Courses" tab on this website, and see all the different places we've held tournaments. It's been years since we've visited some of those tracks, usually because they suck. Most golf courses in our area suck. It's quite sad.

Recently, Melberg told me Lansbrook (another Ron Garl design) was in "decent shape." We've played there once, back in Summer 2016 (Gary won with -2 net). My recap from then complained about how wet it was after a week of rain. Like all the courses in that section of Palm Harbor... it doesn't drain very well.

But whatever, I figure we need to start revisiting some of these establishments. The pro on the phone told me the course was in "phenomenal shape," and gave us a discounted rate of $48+ (no balls). I also snuck out with Geoff last Friday to see for myself. So here's your preview:

• Fairways and greens are in-fact... pretty good. Greens were smooth, nice pace, good undulations to them, and fairly receptive.
• The rough is mostly crap. Lots of areas are hard-pan. You will not have a good lie in the rough. And you will be in the rough all day.
  
• The bunkers were a mixed bag. Some had newish looking white fluffy sand. Others were compact old dirt. In some areas, there was more sand outside of the bunkers then in them...
• Despite not having much rain recently, it was wet in some areas, especially in the woods. If you go into the trees, you probably won't even be able to hunt for the ball. Which isn't good since we're expecting rain this week (and Saturday).
• The layout is brutal. The opening tee shot is more difficult than Bloomingdale. The 5th hole is offensive. In our only event there, out of nine players we had: 1 par (Gorecki! His only par of the day!), 1 bogey, 1 double, 3 triples, and 3 max quads (+5 max wasn't a thing yet).

As in 2016, base tees are the BLUES... but the tournament set-up committee will allow you to move up to the WHITES (already moved you up, Gorecki). 

 

Interesting note about the USGA's centralized handicap database... they are using it to re-rate courses based on reported rounds. Despite Lansbrook's scorecards being printed in 2020 — and without any major changes to the yardages — the Slopes are way higher now. So use what I have on our tournament page (as should always be the case).

 

First tee time is 9am. Bowling on Saturday night (time/location TBD).

FBGC Championship - Spring 2021 Recap

Amazing round yesterday by Melberg. A gross 74 on that course, in those windy conditions, is a thing of beauty. It was Melberg's first ever victory!

It was also the perfect storm for Melberg to win, as the course was rated a little too "easy." This effectively takes strokes away from the higher handicapped guys, giving an advantage to the better players.

And while all of what I just typed is true... we still only had four players in the Pitcher Zone. Two of those (Katie & Adam) basically Kool-Aid Man'd their way into that Zone on the final hole. And Gorecki, of all people, almost won (when was the last time he didn't make a triple bogey or worse?).

So maybe it wasn't that difficult.

I liked Azario better than the original Esplanade course. The greens were much more interesting, with wild contours. Understandably they weren't in perfect shape due to the age of the course — but I'd be terrified to see them running faster. The $65 rate they gave us was perfect. The dudes who played before and after us paying $130 were getting ripped off.

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Troy has moved ever closer to winning the season, as well as becoming a Rapture Captain. Remember... there are only 6 more events that count for 2021 qualification. I'm going to start looking for courses and houses soon. Dates will be in late-September or early-October.

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This week is the Hangover Invitational. We're headed to Lansbrook for the first time in 5-years... but more on that later this week.

For the actual Hangover — which is our season party — we're going bowling Saturday night. Our Social Chair is going to reserve us some lanes, probably over at Pin Chasers on Hillsborough by the airport... assuming some of you northern people are actually allowed leave the house.

Those who have expressed interest in attending are Chandler, John, Faz, Melberg, Reid, Gary, Dave, Brian T (new guy)...

If you are planning on joining Saturday night, make a comment. Bring your WAGs. Let's check off that USGA requirement and socialize with each other.

FBGC Championship - Spring 2021

We're at the new Esplanade at Azario down in Lakewood Ranch. Again, this is not the course where Tall Mike won the Championship last season, giving Gorecki a case of the sniffles.

This is slightly east of that course. We've never been there. Give yourself some extra time to figure it out. Tee time is 9:33am.

Ho has played it a few times, and was nice enough to get us booked and a stellar deal ($65 plus tax). The pro down there called me, and mentioned twice that he had us set up with the "special rate, instead of $129." So apparently they have sellers remorse, and were hoping we'd bail so they could fill the tee sheet with more expensive rounds.

Ho has also reported that the course is rated way too low (easy). This happens when new courses open, and we saw the consequences of this when we played Lakewood National (Piper) — seven pitching were owed that day. The initial rating system, preformed by the FSGA, is broken. Eventually it'll get buffed as rounds are recorded in the World Handicap database (not ours, suckers!)... but for now we have to use the ratings provided.

Katie is on the RED tees. Guys are initially set to WHITE. Many of you are going to want to move back to the BLUE tees... so make a comment and let me know.

Azario Scorecard

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Couple of rules texts I received last round:

• If you attempt to hit a ball but fail to make contact... it's still a stroke. Even if the ball doesn't move. Key word is "attempt." You've probably seen Tiger (RIP) bail out of a swing last second because a shadow moved. That wasn't a stroke because he purposefully stopped his swing and didn't attempt to make contact.
  

• You're allowed to get relief from a sprinkler head that is IN YOUR LINE OF PLAY if an only if the following 4 conditions are met:

1. The ball must lie through the green (not in a bunker or water hazard); and
2. The immovable obstruction (sprinkler head) must be on or within two club-lengths of the putting green; and
3. The immovable obstruction must be within two club-lengths of the ball; and
4. The immovable obstruction must intervene on the line of play between the ball and the hole.

So if you're putting from way off the green (say... 20 feet), and there's a sprinkler between you and the hole... you don't get to move your ball.

See you Sunday.

FBGC - Memberships

People are asking... so let's talk about Memberships.

 

If you think this post is too long... have your wife's boyfriend read it out loud when he tucks you into bed at night.

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While we started out as a "league" in 2011, we long ago transitioned into a Club. Why is this important? Because we still have status with the USGA as an Authorized Golf Club. They required us to create By-Laws, a Handicap Review Board, and pass yearly tests (which I continue to do). Golf's governing bodies want all players in Clubs, and they want those Clubs to be organized.

One could argue that none of this is necessary. But from my perspective, the well-oiled machine doesn't operate without taking things somewhat seriously. Any ounce of "who gives a shit" only adds rust to the cogs. Which is why we created the Board of Directors — hopefully always populated by people who have shits to give.

Part of the USGA requirements was to set a maximum number of Memberships (minimum is 10 by their decree). It can be any number we want, as long as we host enough events so each Member has a reasonable opportunity to record multiple rounds with peer-verification, as well as partake in non-golf "cohesion activities." I set this number at 24 Members, because:

1) It was my best guess at how large we could get without me wasting spending countless hours manually processing results, stats, schedules, handicaps, trips, and "special needs/requests."

2) Six foursomes was thought be the right size for most courses to offer a discount, without private courses pushing us out until the afternoon.

In hindsight, the correct number was probably 20 Members. But whatever... we're locked in at 24, and that isn't going to change any time soon.

We currently have 21 official Members, and 4+ guys who have expressed interest in joining. Per our By-Laws, prospective members must jump through a lot of hoops:

• Be publicly sponsored by a current Member in good standing.
• Play in at least 5 Club events as a guest.
• Pass an initial Board vote, receiving 3/5ths affirmative to proceed to a general Club vote.
• Receive at least 75% affirmative votes in the general Club vote, with at least 3/5ths of current Membership partaking in the vote.
• Not be named any variation of "Mike" (lol jk?)
  

Five people have made it through this extremely high standard. But why make it so difficult? Because your fellow Club Members are the people you hang out with on Sundays after begging your WAGs to leave the house. They're who you compete against. Who you win/lose money to. Who you sit next to in a cart for 4+ hours. Who you share a house/room/bathroom with at the Rapture and other trips. Membership is basically the most important aspect, and yet we've never had 100% voter turnout.

 

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Unfortunately, at least one current prospective member isn't going to make it (again, only three open spots). Theoretically, all of them could fail to earn enough votes. The Sponsors should have already communicated something to this effect, regardless of knowing the exact voting thresholds. If they didn't, it might be time to send some of them to FBGC Re-Education Camp.

 

In any case... Cy Young, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, and Whitey Ford all didn't make the Hall of Fame on the first ballot. It took Bill Gates years to receive an Augusta National invitation after inquiring about a membership (something they frown upon). Dave may never be allowed to join Pine Valley due to his inability to pay Adam $252.

How current Members vote on Prospectives is an individual choice. The Club has given no official guidance, as it would be inappropriate to do so. Our Membership cap is strictly about keeping things manageable.

Of course, we have open spots basically every week. If someone doesn't make the voting threshold this year, they're always welcome to keep filling in. Hopefully the guests are having a good time playing more golf on a wide variety of courses — despite not officially partaking in our prestigious events.

Match Play - Spring 2021 Recap

Troy just won his 3rd event in a row, a feat that has only been accomplished two previous times in Club history (Darren - Spring 2015, Chandler - Summer 2015). While everyone is still mathematically alive for the season title, Troy basically has one ass-cheek on a chair at the Champions Dinner. 

 

Geoff (who also played well yesterday) is the only realistic challenger. Unfortunately, expecting Geoff to close out anything in golf is a foolish proposition. Back-9 Geoff lost by six yesterday, failing to make a par on the final seven holes — shooting +14 (gross) during that stretch.

Only three times in Club history has someone won 3 events and failed to get their name on the Cup: Geoff - Summer 2013, Chandler - Spring 2016, Gorecki - Summer 2020.

Mark it down... it's over.

All that being said, whatever Troy did yesterday is quite remarkable. Big Cypress was extremely difficult, with the fastest (and best) greens we're going to see all year. Those two things are mutually exclusive, by the way. But due to the gusty conditions, the green speed made putting near impossible on a few holes that weren't surrounded by trees. It was also amazing how many holes seemingly played directly into the 20-30mph wind.

None of this would lead you to believe Troy (or anyone else) was going to shoot -5 (net). But on tough courses, with uncomfortable conditions, sometimes keeping your ball in play is most important. The woods are filled with long-hitters. And the trees of Big Cypress collected a lot of balls yesterday.

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Nothing too exciting to note in the matches. Only Brendan's ghost match made it to the final hole. Gorecki shot his highest score (gross) in 3.5 years, leading to the only real beat-down (by Gary).

I made some drastic behind-the-scenes improvements to our Match Play documentation. Clicking on your Match Play record (on your personal profile) now shows your head-to-head records with every Club Member (non-ghost matches). Enjoy.

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I only saw JW buy a pitcher yesterday. We now have 15 pitchers owed in the bank, with some of you racking them up at a record pace. Let's get those paid out this week. Usually after Esplanade we head to Truman's Tap & Grill, which has cheap beer. Assuming COVID didn't kill it.

 

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We're playing down at the new Esplanade course this weekend. Ho was nice enough to set it all up for us, so give him some props. I've never been there, but I will have a bunch of info for you on Wednesday. In the meantime, UPDATE YOUR RSVP. And let me know if any of the guests are playing.

Speaking of... info on prospective Membership and voting will be posted tomorrow.