Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 15 - Countryside Country Club

As the season of handicap maintenance continues, we found ourselves at a course new to the BGR. Before looking into the course, the BGR would like to compliment Gorecki for the GenX Tavern preview for the hangover bar. The BGR would also like to soundly scold all of those that did not make it to the bar for this hallowed event. One of the WAGs in attendance gave birth two months, to the day, prior to this event, but she managed to make it out for some postpartum booze. I don’t know this for a fact, but I think there were more WAGs and guests in attendance than actual DPT members. Shame on all of you. Those of you that did attend, thank you for bringing your cash and giving it to Big John.

Big John and a friend laying on all the money you gave him, probably.

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start early

Those of us that did attend the hangover bar on Saturday night woke up at various levels of hungover/drunk. I fought off the Sunday morning scaries with a screwdriver at 8am and two Pedialytes on the front nine. Moral of the story, as with most private clubs, Countryside serves early and Countryside serves often. I will also note that since the Premiere Package crew has been spotty and no dues were collected this year. I have been eating a lot of clubhouse breakfast sammies. Countryside pales in comparison to some of the premiere package preferred providers, but I would wholeheartedly suggest them as a reasonable option for a pre-round snack.

On-course Service

When we first came upon Haven, the cart lady, it seemed as if she tailed us for about 5 holes. This was due to a few important facts. First, she stopped and served my group out of order so Gary could get his customary front nine Gatorade (you do realize they are a lot cheaper at the store right?). Second, Tall Mike was nice enough to send a Yuengling back “Big John”. Lastly, and maybe most importantly, she made a run to the bar to make Casey a Moscow Mule. Haven’s other shining moment was when 4 of us decided to go out and get another nine in. We ran into her in the cart barn and even though she had already closed out for the day she went ahead and sold us 6 pack and said she would add it to tomorrow’s sheet. She seemed a little clueless on the “oh hey those guys are hitting maybe I should go flying by with my after burners on” front, but she showed the devotion to keeping everyone inebriated that all cart girls could aspire to. Truly a master of her craft. Pricing seemed fair to this boozer’s eye. $20 for a 6 pack of domestic tall boys service charge included is a very reasonable number especially at a private course.

Clubhouse Experience

This place was packed and even though we are a loud bunch of hooligans no one seemed to mind us taking up all of the space in the middle of the bar area. I believe we had a total of 8 pitchers bought (honestly don’t know, but I bought my 3). The clubhouse was a bit of a quandary from a pricing standpoint. Bud light pitchers were $12, Jai-Lai pitchers for $25, and they would not honor the $20 domestic 6 pack that Haven had sold us all day. We are contemplating sending a BGR representative to speak with the club so they can try to attain a little more feng shui to their pricing scheme. Two seasons ago when the group of death finished a solid 45 minutes behind my threesome I very much enjoyed about 5 courses on the Sunday brunch. Sadly, sitting in the cellar prevented me from having enough time to get any real value from the brunch today, but it is highly recommended should you have the time in the future.

Shot of the week

Leave it to JW…wins for the first time in 61 rounds, but has to get out of there right after the round. Thankfully his boozer’s sense of loyalty overtook his family commitments and he waited for the last group in, had a couple of beers and enjoyed, after a little cajoling, a Baby Guinness with Irish Dave and myself. Let me tell you something about this “Baby” Guinness. It was basically half a glass full of Patron XO with some bailey’s that the lad of a bartender took the time to layer on top. Bottom line no shot should ever take two gulps to put away. Looking at the bill after the fact, I was at least happy that we seemed to get $8.75 worth of booze out of the process.

The Hangover Champion, Big John, and the Irishman enjoying a triple shot of tequila.

Pissability

There did seem to be a reasonable number of bathrooms on the course, but let’s be real: no one has to pee when there is a convenient bathroom nearby. It’s always on the tee box at the next hole. As far as the possibility of taking a leak without the neighbors sneaking a peak, forget about it. Somehow every single hole seemed to have multiple houses on it. I resorted to just trying to limit the miniature white snake viewings to one household at a time. I was told/witnessed of others simply taking a knee next to the cart in the fairway hoping that distance would prevent any of the granny’s from calling the clubhouse. Another group got yelled at after an errant drive lead to a "God dammit!" from the golfer. A neighboring homeowner screamed "no cussing!" in response. If they're close enough to scold for cussing, they're close enough to file charges for indecent exposure.

Overall

While my game is doing its very best to get me to quit golf, courses like Countryside are keeping me in the game. It’s also always a pleasure buying you all beers with the money you lost to me at banko the night before. This course is quite strong in the BGR’s eyes, but the crazy pricing of craft beer pitchers and honestly a somewhat disheveled clubhouse staff is going to keep them out of the top ranking. 5 ice cold beers.