FBGC Masters - Venue Change

This season is ending the same way it started... a completely mess. I had to cancel on Big Cypress due to flooding closing a couple of holes.

The Board discussed things and we called a ton of different courses. Most are also washed out and/or can't get us on the course until late in the day. My favorite response was RiverStrand, who said 12:19pm for $74... despite admitting members coming in today were complaining about flooding.

Anyway, we're now booked tomorrow at Esplanade in Lakewood Ranch at 12:52pm. $49 rate plus tax.

CHANGE YOUR RSVP IF THIS CAUSES YOU TO BAIL

At this point, we need to finish the season and all that matters is the two Tall-ish Mikes show up.

See you tomorrow... maybe. 

FBGC Masters - Summer 2020 Preview

Sunday tee time has been moved up to 9:30am. They said we could probably get out earlier.
 

One more event left in this crazy year/season. This is the third time I've attempted to get us on Big Cypress for a Major. And of course, now that we're booked, the middle of the state is getting pounded with rain each day.

If we find it's "cartpath only," we'll be playing "Lift, Clean & Gorecki" rules... just as we do at the soup-bowl that is Grasslands. It's a Lakeland thing, apparently.

Please keep in mind that Dear Leader only controls about 50% of the world around you. He hasn't figured out how to make courses drain better. Or make the management at these courses be more upfront about conditioning. Dear Leader is a simple man. One of the people. He scouts courses, eliminates the ones that nobody should ever see, and then feeds the rest to us on a charcuterie platter. Hopefully the variety is delicious.

Seven Club Members have played Big Cypress, and although most of their "golf memories" are shit, the reviews were positive at the time. This is a Major-worthy venue both in difficulty and with smooth zoysia greens.

The below scorecard is mostly accurate. The ratings/slopes have changed, but you can find those on our event page. Everyone is on the GREEN tees this week (Katie on RED). You are only allowed to move back to BLACK, but I'm not putting anyone back there unless you make a comment or send me a text requesting it.

There are a lot of long forced carries back there through some chutes. And if the fairways are wet, it'll be playing close to an adjusted 7,000 yards. So... you long-dongs are gonna have to request the torture in order to pad your Rapture handicaps.

The leaders go out LAST in this event. Since that's only two relevant guys, I asked each of them to pick someone they wanted in their group. Moostie picked Casey (who was slated to be there anyway), and Gorecki picked Brendan due to his inflammatory op-ed attempting to squash the Resistance. Congrats to those two who get to witness history.

The rest of us will be subjected to the random pairing generator. And hopefully 3 beers deep at the bar before the last group finishes.

See you Sunday. Bring rain boots.

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Buchert asked me about another season if ACC and SEC football were cancelled. After some thought, I've concluded that cancellation isn't even an issue, since they are never going to allow fans at college games.

I'll probably put together a COVD-2020 Season which will start in October. There are a few things the Board needs to discuss in our Winter Meeting beforehand, but we'll figure it out.

Hangover Invitational - Summer 2020 Recap

I don't think I've ever sweat so much on a golf course. And while only part of that was due to the beer and wine from the previous day, most of it was from oppressive heat and offensive course design. Not to say that Cheval "sucks." I don't like it... it's not fun... I don't see why anyone would be a member and want to play there often. But it exists, and since the conditions were decent (when not soggy) we should attempt to conquer it. Every 3-5 years or so.

 

Gorecki locked up a season title by the turn, sitting atop the leader board at -5 (net). Truly an amazing accomplishment. Everyone else was free to go through the motions and attempt to gain some 2021 Rapture points.

And then the back nine happened. Gorecki had back-to-back max holes, firing a 64 (gross) and allowing 1/3rd of the field back into the tournament.

Unfortunately, the final three holes are brutal. The 16th and 17th ejected Brendan. Buchert got kicked in the nuts by those as well as the 18th. And Dave didn't listen to his caddie, resulting in a flight to Ireland after the last (for real... he gone).

We were left with four players who, for the most part, accidentally won the event. Tall Mike had a quad / double finish to fall back into the tie. Geoff doubled the final hole and feels he played it well. Adam skulled a chip on 18 to lose/win with a bogey. And only Darren, who chipped in for birdie on the last green, somewhat chased down the lead. One which he had zero idea was obtainable.

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The train wreck atop the leader board was a "good-case" scenario for Gorecki. Only Tall Mike can overtake him this Sunday, and he must win to do so (no worse than a 2-way tie for first).

If he does win, Gorecki could still take home the Cup with a 3rd place finish.

It's a tall order... and both Mikes are tall. So... should be fun?

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Sunday we're playing at Big Cypress, which is NOT "Grand Cypress" in Orlando (used in the 2016 Rapture).

Big Cypress is a 55+ retirement community called "Cypress Lakes" out in north Lakeland. It's a 1987 Ron Garl design that meanders through a trailer park in a swamp. It's tight, there's lots of water, but the greens were amazing (last December).

It'll be difficult, but hopefully you'll enjoy playing something new to the Club.

Update your RSVP if you plan on skipping. They need our names for the front gate. 

 

Also, I was told we have to double-up carts since they don't have the fleet to handle single riders. When we get there, we can probably steal a couple of single carts for those of you who need them. I'll tell the pro shop we have a few medical professionals and I'm sure it'll be fine.

 

Tee time is 10am, but I'm going to try to get that moved slightly earlier once the guest window opens tomorrow.

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Rapture pairings will allegedly be done after the round... if our Captains show up to whatever bar is selected afterward. I imagine the grill at Big Cypress is closed. That seems to be the trend lately.

RSVPs

We have 4 ???s for the final week... and 4 people who have never updated their status since Week 1, so they have not replied for the rescheduled event. 

Go fix this issue. I got tee times scheduled and I need a better count than 8 unknowns. 

BGR Prescriptions for a Proper and Fair Hangover Invitational

The doctors (not real doctors) are in! The fine gentlemen of the BGR are here to provide FBGC with some much needed leadership in these dire times. Dear Leader claims that none of us will be hungover for play on Sunday, but we at the BGR wholeheartedly deny these claims and know that our fellow club members will adhere to our club's social contract so we can prove that Hangovers Matter. We have used our past observations and proven BGR science to develop a plan for everyone to feel bad by the uncharacteristically late tee time for this event. We'll work our way down the tee sheet. Assume drinks are to be consumed between 9 PM and 1 AM on Saturday night unless otherwise noted.

Group A

Gorecki - 8 TBBC beers of your choice. Wake up early to rake the leaves.

Casey - Have Haven drop by two 6 packs of canned mules, drink them from a table that's 20% higher than anyone else's table around you.

Tall Mike - However many Yuenglings it takes before Vicki notices that you are drinking a lot of beer and says something to you...then four more Yuenglings.

Group B

Irish Dave - 7 Magners on the rocks, White Claws, No potatoes for breakfast.

Chandler - BYOP. All the Port. All the time. You're not done until you're singing Lou Bega songs to Rachael while cuddling with the toilet.

Dub - Show up late and then pretend like you're at Red Dog and buy 2 buckets to "share" and drink all of them as quickly as you can. Night caps of two double vodka sodas because just like on the course you have to make dumb decisions on the back.

Group C

Geoff - 6 fruity vodka drinks and 3 Miller Lites. Throw up on yourself during the last 1/18th of the night..

Ho - Drink a bunch of Molsons while trying not to talk about hockey.

Reid - 8 rum and coconut waters, stay closer to the bar than Dave would be by at least a tee box, sometimes 2.

Faz - 9 old fashioneds. In short glasses.

Group D

Brendan - Fill up the papoose, then empty the papoose.  Just make sure to fill it up again in the morning.

Danny - 4 Hydroxochloroquines and 6 servings of antibodies. Cough all night, make sure it's dry.

Darren - 8 Bud Lights, 2 packs of cigarettes. Quit smoking at 10 PM, start again at 10:15 PM for your second longest streak ever.

Katie - Drink a whiskey drink, then a vodka drink, then a lager drink, then a cider drink, and sing the songs of the 90's devil music times

Group E

Melberg - Whatever everyone else thinks you should drink.

Gary - Coors Light appetizer, hearty red to pair with nachos, and let the old age do the rest.

Buchert - Do what you did at the World Woods house, and ice down two bottles of champagne for the morning.

Adam - see below.

The Hangover - 2020 Summer Preview

None of you are going to be hungover. 

Ever since the BGR accidentally released Corona Premier from one of their laboratories — with its weak 4% ABV and paltry 2.6 carbs — a pandemic has been spreading through the Club. Darren and Faz haven't both attended (ie: at the same time) a Champions Dinner in about 3 years. The Westchase Retirement Club won't travel more than a mile from the comfort of their HOA and CDD. John lost The Power. 

So while headaches and dehydration won't be an issue on Sunday, let's talk about golf.

We played Cheval once back in 2017. Gary, Reid, Tall Mike, and Dave finished 1 through 4 — all at even par (net) or better. Gorecki, who needs zero points if we're going to have a meaningful final, finished 7th.

The course is pretty tricked up, allegedly due to how it was routed during the development of the neighborhood. Steve Smyers was brought in for the actual construction. Other courses we play designed by him include: Southern Dunes (awesome!), Crescent Oaks (not fun!), and Countryway (mixed bag of shit!).

Cheval has 5 par 3s, most of them long. There's some tight OB, so I'm not liking high-handicapped sprayers of the ball here. Those fools had their day at Southern Hills, Grassland's first 14 holes, Lakewood National, and Lake Jovita. And maybe that's why our leader board looks the way it does... not enough shot-makers layouts?

Everyone is on the WHITE tees, except Melberg, Dave, Faz (BLUE) and Katie (ORANGE).

Winning score should be around -2 (net). I'll take Melberg and Dave on my DraftKings lineup. An actual good golfer will win this week.

See you Sunday.

2020 Rapture Draft

Tall Mike (Blue Team) and John (Gray Team) drafted yesterday. As soon as they submit their pairings for Four-Ball, Chapman (alt-shot) and Singles, I'll get those posted. Here are the draft results: 

1 - Dave
2 - Faz
3 - Chandler
4 - Casey
5 - Brendan
6 - Geoff
7 - Adam
8 - JW
9 - Gorecki
10 - Reid
11 - Gary
12 - Darren
13 - Troy
14 - Danny

The Concussion - Summer 2020 Recap

For the second time this season, Geoff had a guaranteed victory locked up before completely imploding down the stretch.

Beginning with the 99-yard 15th hole, a shank that should have gone OB (but was saved by trees) resulted in a double-bogey. Slicing his tee shot on the 17th earned him a triple bogey. And a bunker behind the 18th green gave him a BIPSIC max. It was horrifying to watch.

Dave wasn't even aware he was back in the mix until the 17th green. His par on 18 was clutch, capping off a 5-birdie performance. He beat Ho by one shot, which apparently was a 2-footer on the final hole that Ho yipped.

The leaderboard was great for Gorecki, as his closest challengers failed to score meaningful points. He continues to move forward toward a season championship, much like he continues to move forward and illegally tee off in front of the tee markers.

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This week we are at Cheval for the Hangover Invitational (10am). You're probably going to be on your own for the drinking, however. A bunch of you are leery of going to a bar, which is completely understandable.

Sometime before Friday I'll comment what I'm doing. Show up and hang out if you want. Based on the standings, there's nothing worth celebrating anyway.

I have to give Cheval the names of people playing Sunday. If you're going to bail... how about you do so now, instead of later in the week. Thanks in advance.

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The pitchers should be correct. But comment any Deadbeat List changes.

BGR Op-Ed: Gorecki having tougher route to League Champion than any other Champ

 

• No other champion has been targeted with such resistance than Gorecki on his track to winning 
• Members and board members lay silent and contribute to group think as hate gets spewed down from the Chairman of the Board 
• Will future golfers need to worry about such targeting as they blindly play their best, unknowing to the forces at work behind the scenes 

 

Defcon 3, Defcon 2, Defcon 1, Defcon 0? Michael Gorecki has been a mediocre golfer his whole life and some may say a less than mediocre person for longer. He has risen to above that this season and certain people aren’t okay with it. As he sits atop the leader board with 1650 points and his closest competitor sitting 675 points behind with 3 events left, people are getting nervous.  

No other champion has had to deal with as much chirping before, during, or after a round. Mainly led and encouraged by our league’s chairman. Other voted board members have been heard that they will no longer participate in the Champions Dinner if Gorecki is a part of it. So much as suggesting there will be a new dinner that is only for multiple league champions to exclude Gorecki. This opinion piece is being written to suggest that Gorecki might actually be our best league champion ever! With 2020 being a tough year dealing with the Covid outbreak, it makes it all the more difficult to practice and keep a sound mind when it comes to being on the course and dealing with personal matters. Through recent investigative journalism it was discovered that the leagues chairman was planning on scheduling courses that Gorecki has historically not played well at, making it all the more difficult. Last night there was a ploy against him to make him play with Brian Litman. This gentleman is not a golfer and from reliable sources would appear to be only playing in the attempts to get under Michael Gorecki’s skin. If Gorecki hangs on through all of this, he may go down as the best champion the Fort Brooke Golfers Club has ever seen! 

The BGR is a non-political group that supports and appreciates all members. Especially members that will bring a few twelve packs of TBBC beer and pass them out to the masses without an agenda. As the league continues, please give thought to the idea that if you were on track to win a championship how you would like to be treated. It would not be fair if you were moved to the back of the group pairings when you had earned the right to tee off first. It would not be fair if someone put a random non golfing individual that is not friends with individuals in that group to cause distractions. It would not be fair if someone picked specific courses that someone had historically not played well at. Chirping amongst the group is allowed and encouraged. 

With all that said, drink and be merry! Have fun! Gorecki Win! Gorecki enjoy your steak and wine at Berns! 

Boom GorecHated

Since there is (or once was) a full field of us attending this weeks Memorial   Concussion  GORECKI tournament and all work and no play is making me a dull boy, I decided to follow the ways of the great Michael Scott and show up unannounced, briefly roast you lesser golfers (standings wise), and drop the MIKE [sic] as I exit this blog...

So in descending standings rank order.. "I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you people" (Cue the index cards)...

Casey- You're forty-something years old but your bladder must be the same size as your 1 yr old son. Maybe you should start stealing his diapers to wear out on the course.

Tall Mike- The only people who seem to be attracted to you is your wife who looks to be 4' something when standing next to you and Senior Citizens holding their weekly Pinochle game at The Groves.

Chandler- You're gay.

Stanley err I mean Dub- You crush your wife during sex and your golf game sucks. Boom. GorecHated [StanDub starts to laugh] 

Geoff- The U called, they think you suck and you're gayer than Chandler. Oh, and you and like the other 99% of UM fans should stop cheering for a school you didn't attend. 

Reid-  Good news! The Groves is pro-rating your fee on Sunday since you only played 12 holes before  WDing last visit.

Danny- Good news for you also! These test results show you've officially recovered from COVID-19...

Dave- How much interest did you accrue from the time you collected your winnings in Kohler to when you blew it all with that very wise flop-shot bet with Adam? 

Mike Hauch- The sports of Golf and Hockey are begging that you abandon them and give something else a try... I heard Pickleball is gaining popularity and "your buddy" knows of a court in the Old Memorial community! 

Brendan- Wide brim hats, weekday golf rounds, and arriving 3 hours before your scheduled Sunday tee time has only regressed your performance to put together a good round of golf.

Katie, where's Katie? Well, there you are. I didn't see you behind those numerous Golf Instructors you like to date.

Melberg- A newbie to the GorecHate rants.. 

Did the commish prank you and say before establishing a league handicap you must first go play some rounds with Mike Ho?

 

Big John- I watched a Seinfeld re-run the other other day and George Costanza's "ME FIRST!" personality trait reminded me alot of someone I know...

Gary- I've recently learned that even the world's greatest eye surgeon can't correct your sight impairment. Consider this a blessing as its probably best you don't see what your golf peers witness from you each week. 

Darren- Your recent display of your golf game is like your prostate: Gone

Troy-  You know there's no rule that states your handicap index must match the number of cigarettes you smoke in a round right?

Buchert- Remember the days you used to hang out with us after each round of golf? A better question may be is do you remember the days you used to PLAY a round of golf?

Adam- Don't let those recent winnings from Dave go up in smoke... literally and figuratively.... sort of like what you've done to your golf game.

BOOM. You've all been roasted. GORECHATE OUT!

Odds Update

You know all of those preseason pickers for college football taking Notre Dame or USC to win it all and then never go back to own up to being so bad at picking? That's not going to be me. I'm very bad at picking club events, and even worse at setting odds for league champions. Or maybe Gorecki has my preseason write-up on his makeup bureau at his house so he can apply his anti-aging cream and get ready to win another FBGC event at the same time.

With only a third of the season remaining, one golfer has established a commanding lead over the rest of the field by finishing first in half of the season's events already: Michael J. Gorecki, AKA OMG, AKA the Stroking Skeleton, and so on and so forth. I had Gorecki going out at 100:1 odds to win the championship, and if I were an actual sports betting business, I would probably be broke. Net scoring gives pretty much anyone the chance to win, as evidenced multiple times this season. With four of the seven first place finishes this season owned by golfers who have spent nearly all of their league time in 20+ handicap territory, it's clear that talent isn't what drives wins. Anyway, let's go see how awful I am at handicapping our club now that only 5 players are within a win and a Masters win of possibly beating Gorecki at this point.

The New Guy: Melberg (Even)

This was dumb. Melberg's handicap was way too low to actually compete with Gorecki levels of stroke giving. Still, I had seen previous new members come in and steal a couple events, or even a season championship, based on mis-handicapping, so I guess I was working under the premises that Melberg was a scratch golfer playing at a 6 or something. Another great example of golf talent not mattering.

The artist formerly known as Big John (2:1)

I didn't realize that John would try to defend his title by... not showing up to events. Not only that, he's only broken 90 once this season, which isn't going to work well for this now 15-handicapper. The stroke and a half he's shaved aren't what's killing him. Him not being able to put up better than an 88 is.

The Sober Duo: Adam and Troy (3:1)

The Hangover is usually earlier in the season and I was leaning on one of these two winning against our group of drunken ne'er-do-wells to be higher in the standings. Also, I really expect Troy to crush the Concussion as he apparently designed The Groves and it fits his game perfectly. Still, we are four golfers in starting on the favorites side and we have Adam in last place and no golfer in the top half of the standings and all pretty much eliminated.

Brown Gypsy Magic: Chandler and Gary (5:1)

Finally getting to a golfer who only has to win two tournaments to catch up to Gorecki. When I wrote the original odds post on May 3, Chandler's handicap was trending towards good sandbagging range. Since then he's lowered it three strokes. In-season handicap management isn't what you're after, but reporting multiple single digit scores outside of league play is just silly. Miss a few putts here and there during your practice rounds, Gypsy. Gary is well on pace for his worst league finish in years. Guess the gypsy magic comes more from the Meyers side.

The Relatively Good Golfers: Faz and Dave (8:1)

Talent doesn't matter. These guys have no shot.

The Old Dads: Geoff (25:1), Casey (12:1), and Reid (20:1)

Three of the top seven in the standings here. Would have been good value for bettors as these guys are all past league champions and know how to operate at the top of the standings. Wait, what's that? Reid hasn't won? Oh. I must have skipped the end of Spring 19 and Spring 14 after seeing his commanding lead going into the last few tournaments. That kind of gives me hope for this season, though. Who will be the champions dinner hero to save them from being the earlybird special at the Sizzler? Perhaps Casey, who is the closest competitor and still has a real chance to win. Reid and Geoff probably won't be the heroes because they've been playing with me every week and my situational awareness apparently isn't great because cart girls take too long.

The Younger Dad's Group: Moostie (30:1), Brendan (30:1), Buchert (30:1), and Dub (50:1)

Moostie and I have been holding our own this season, each with a win and me with a second. Moostie has shown up more and done better on his less than stellar weeks while I couldn't even win my match play while struggling to a second to last finish at Waterlefe, though, so Moostie is another past champion with a real motive to keep the champions dinner free of jerky, and the ability to win multiple tournaments coming down the stretch. While Brendan and Moostie are boasting perfect attendance records, Buchert and I have not been. I will say my misses have been for other golf opportunities more than family constraints, though, so this one's on me.

The Reverse Sandbagger: Hauch (I'm now pronouncing it "How" because "How is his handicap that low?") (50:1)

A strong performance at Waterlefe seems like it might have boosted his confidence moving forward, but he followed that up with a pitcher and a pedestrian performance at the Jamaican. Everyone knows you can't walk off the island, and his season has officially drowned while sitting over 1,300 points behind with about 11 other league members.

Flirty Thirties: Danny (75:1) and Gorecki (100:1)

Tough to win anything when you only show up twice, even if you have the Rona antibodies like Danny. And here's where we get to our league's Leicester City. The golfer that would have been relegated to inferior leagues if they actually existed is about to win the whole damn season. I mostly blame Chandler for this. He started this league and now he's going to have to be the one to burn it down for the insurance. Those of us without season titles can rest easy at our new non-champions dinner at Red Dog, though. Still awaiting the league revolt I promised. Maybe Gorecki downloaded that mental golf app that keeps popping up on facebook ads?

Allegedly Going to Show Up: Katie (100:1)

She's been showing up, which is a vast improvement from the Spring. If she shows up for the next 5 events she'll once again qualify for the World Rankings, too.

Not Pictured: Darren

Folks, the Baron, the name applied to Darren's good golf game, is officially dead. He's now just regular Darren again and will need to get that handicap back up around 20 to start winning again. Presuming the cause of death is those cancer sticks. RIP Baron.

His reign ended with a poof.

Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 29 - Lake Jovita (North)

Lake Jovita was the host of our Summer 2020 Jamaican Open, Hooray Beer! We have played and BGR rated this establishment before but this time we were taking on their north course. Did this change our previous rating? Did they do something different that wow'd us? Not really.

There was a lot of uncertainty heading into the day with Hurricane Isaiasasisisis heading down Florida's East Coast. A one beer rain delay toward the end of the round but that was it.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

Lake Jovita is private so Pasco County's laws of no booze until 11am on Sundays do not apply. With Covid did that change? No, the snack bar on the bottom floor was open for purchases and the beer angel was floating around with that sweet nectar.

Thrifty boozing conditions
Not the thriftiest. They were charging $5 for Bud Heavy 16 ouncers and $5 for Bud Light Seltzers. The club house was a little better as pitchers were running at $11. I was there early and had a cart dropped off at my vehicle to put in it whatever I so pleased. Also the parking lot is right next to the practice green so very easy to rectify those marked up prices with a good booze smuggle.

On course service
She spaced herself out nicely on the course as we saw her 3 times. Easy on the eyes and pleasant attitude. What one would hope for and expect from the cart lady. Nothing more and nothing less.

Pissability
One restroom strategically placed where hole 5 meets hole 6, where hole 9 meets hole 10, and where hole 11 meets hole 12. The ladies of Lake Jovita had put a bucket of beers and sodas there for the taking. Very nice gesture but was just a diet coke left when we rolled through. After hole 12 there are plenty of hiding spots.

Clubhouse experience
No food and no popcorn! But were serving alcohol, AC, and a cozy environment. No opportunity to try their fancy quesadillas this time but with this china virus it was nice to see a clubhouse accepting guests. I also wouldn't be surprised to find out they were open earlier for lunch and had closed down by the time we got there.

Overall
Staying a 3 beer. As we predicted last time I think I could see them possibly moving up to a four but right now she ain't there.

Given we like to talk about beer and golf, I had to include this video. It made me chuckle. Who in our league is most like this individual?

Boozer's Golf Review Vol. 28 - Torrey Pines Golf Course

We have a special treat for the touristy or San Diego based Booze Golfers today. One of our esteemed leaders headed west in recent weeks in order to undertake the rating the course that hosted Tiger's last U.S. Open win and will host next year's championship, Torrey Pines. South and North courses both host the annual Farmers Insurance Open, but the South course takes the reins when our national championship comes to town. We were fortunate enough to play both courses and used some of our lessons from the Saturday round at South to increase fun at North on Sunday.

I believe this is the best actual course we've ever rated (and we might have an even higher rated one coming up soon), but it's not all about the course when you live that BGR life.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

We were able to purchase beer when we showed up for the 8:42 tee time the Sunday we played the North course, so a solid thumbs up here. There's a stand outside the clubhouse at the 9th green/1st tee box on the North course that you'll pass no matter which course you're heading to. There's also a restaurant closer to the South where you can get some go drinks. I went with a coffee and a water thinking I could Irish it up on my own, but alas my playing partner and I failed to communicate well enough and left the bag bourbon at home. Regardless, you can show up dry and help yourself out if you fail to execute your drinking plan.

No booze in hand on third tee box on the South course because, well, we forgot.
Saw the cart girl after the next hole.

Thrifty boozing conditions

If you do fail to plan, it will be EXTREMELY expensive as this lovely muni goes full resort pricing on pretty much everything. Beers are a la carte and range from $7 for the traditional 12 oz Budweiser to $9 for micro brews. Liquor drinks start at $11. We paid for our lack of preparation, but the Budweisers were very necessary. That said, if you do plan, you can bring a subtle backpack cooler with as much beer as you'd like. I recommend prepacking with ice as it won't be easily available at the course. Boozing will require a push cart with a basket or an actual cart to store your beverages of choice. Carts run $40, so you'll break even if you bring 5 beers in a small cooler (with tip). That won't make the golf traditionalists too happy, but we are Booze Golfers first and fun is still the primary reason for the game. Don't bring a Yeti that's too wide on the bottom if you're going to put drinks on the rocks. Cupholders are the least favorite of the BGR, as shown here.

Can barely fit the coffee cup.

Getting a cart also allows you to bring the significant other. We brought our wives to help move the cart along and carry the beer while we walked the North Course after learning our lessons on the South the day before. It'll require more booze, but when the views are as good as they are at Torrey Pines, everyone will have a great time. Plus, one of the guests can bring down the backpack with the booze in it so the sneaking is even more covert.

Taking a riding break going up to 17 at the North Course.

On course service

Cart girls were ready and willing to help, but required a mask for service and were card only. Don't much care for those restrictions, but the card payment was smooth and everyone has masks right now anyway. Service was great, prices were not. You'll only get a bag of ice to keep your drinks chilled, so, again, it would be wise to bring your own cooler. There's a turn stand on the South Course between 9 and 10 that you can hit between 14 and 15 as well. On the North Course you can hit the turn stand before 1, between 9 and 10, and between 12 and 13 if you're in dire straits and can run or take the cart up there quickly. Despite the prices, we recommend buying a few craft beers for the group from the cart girl or one of the stands. Great selection out there, and the money you'll be saving on the volume beer should allow some fancier stuff, too.

Pissability

If there are better places to piss in golf, I haven't seen them. Right on the Pacific for various parts of  both courses, and plenty of wildlife areas as well. There are stretches where you can't get away from other folks enough to be fully comfortable that your aren't unlawfully exposing yourself, but the bathrooms are usually close enough for you to utilize during those stretches, particularly on the front on the North and the back on the South. The bathrooms were one in, one out, though, so do your best to wait for the ridges.

Looks like a good spot over there while a wife needlepoints in the cart.

Clubhouse experience

N/A due to corona, but there did seem to be some nice outdoor seating to view some really bad and really good golfers tee off on the first hole of the South Course. Most likely as expensive as the rest of the course was. Cost of living and boozing is just that much higher in some places, and La Jolla is one of them. Not sure how to do photo cred, but this one of the view from the Grill is taken from this article on the San Diego Reader.

Overall

Torrey is more expensive than any other course we've rated, and very strict on where the carts can go and staying out of the parking lot. That said, staff is pretty laissez-faire and friendly so bringing booze that isn't too overt is pretty easy if you work it correctly. By the usual metrics, this would be a two beer course, but we feel like the views and the ocean give this an extra kick into the three beer level, and if price isn't a concern for you it could very well go to five.

The Concussion - Spring 2020 Preview

This Club is concussed.

We're giving The Groves (in Land O' Lakes) another go this season. The Spring event was wonderful carnage. Troy destroyed the field winning by 11 damn strokes. Reid developed the shanks only one week after winning an event, and was forced to WD. Half of the field was in the bad-pitcher zone.

Expect more of the same. Short courses are funny like that. Most of you have your personal bests — in relation to par — on short courses. You may also have your personal worst. With smaller greens, what would usually be an easy 3-putt on a normal course is a nightmare chipping situation.

With only one event in the books, The Groves is ranked 3rd most difficult on our list of courses. Gorecki is going to win. I'm picking him every event for the rest of the season.

9am tee time. They have a range. Get there a little early, and expect to go out early.

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Everyone is on the tips (BLUE). Katie is on the women's tips (WHITE). No, you can't move up. Our policy has never been "play anywhere that's rated for your gender."

We select what we believe are acceptable tees, and you can pick your poison from that list. Anything else is some misinformed rumor started by one of our village idiots.

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Speaking of... Dear Leader's official stance on Gorecki playing the old-man GREEN tees last week is... "it's perfectly fine."

Those tees were on the approved list prior to the round. He lost 4 strokes moving up. And he didn't even overpower the course, since 5,800 yards isn't exactly "short" for his osteoporosis riddled body. It's definitely not short enough for anyone to complain about. He didn't use anything shorter than a 9-iron all day for an approach. So if you used a bunch of wedges... you had an easier course experience.

Is it a little pathetic? Absolutely. Remind him of that as much as you can. But he's completely trash at golf. Thousands of dollars on lessons and equipment haven't moved his handicap below 25. And any pro will tell you a 25+ handicap shouldn't be playing 6,200+ yards.

Gorecki beat us because he only had one penalty shot. He only went into two bunkers (made par from one of them). And he was +1 (gross!) on the par 3s.

He played so well on Sunday, that he started loudly bitching about the slow play in the group ahead of us. Four terrible golfers playing the BLUE tees, barely hacking it 200 yards down the fairway, and standing over putts for a full minute. I eventually had to tell Gorecki to "shut up," since we were basically playing behind four of his clones.

Jamaican Open - Summer 2020 Recap

2020 has claimed another victim. We founded this league 9 years ago, hoping it would be fun for awhile and cause some of us to play more golf. I'd say it was a success. I've had a lot of fun with you people. Sadly, we have to shut it down. RIP DPT FBGC.

Great round by JW, who unfortunately got blown out to sea during the tropical storm squall that came through at the end of the day.

Dave did all he could, needing a 76 to keep the Club alive. But ultimately he ran out of starchy tubers.

The rest of us were useless.

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This week we're giving The Groves another shot for The Concussion. It's the place where you can make more money dancing in the clubhouse than on the course. Tee time is 9am, and cost is around $25ish.

As of now it looks like all 20 members are in. Which is nice, since it's one of the last times we'll all see each other.

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The Rapture 2020 field is set, and we can draft on Sunday assuming the grill is open for business.

Tall Mike - first pick
Big John - second pick
Casey
Troy
Chandler
Gary
Gorecki
Reid
Adam
Geoff
Faz
Dave
JW
Danny
Brendan

Darren

For the first time we actually have some alternates that want to attend, so we'll swap them in if anyone needs to bail.

See you Sunday!